btw there’s no hard barriers between any queer identities- where one identity ends and another begins, they meld together, creating a gradient between the two, and every other identity around it. it’s one big gradient, not rigid boxes that can never be touched by one another. queerness involves embracing those gray areas, celebrating them, and the lives of people who occupy them. being unique does not involve casting away those who are similar to you- there are no barriers between different queers, we are all part of the the same beautiful tapestry.
Hey, I was wondering of youd share your guy's stance on kit being outed as well as other celebrity's being pressured to share their sexuality/orientation.
I am not for it and now might be a good time to discuss something more personal since we are on the topic. Since starting this project, I have had my identity as a queer person poked and prodded at, and I have chosen not to discuss that in depth. I am going to continue with that decision, but I do want to say something. I have recently come out as transgender, specifically genderfluid, and there was some bitterness tainting what should have been an easy happy decision. Because people have spent their time and their energy attacking and targeting me based on their misunderstanding of my gender identity.
I have been told I don’t have the authority to speak on transgender issues, despite spending a good portion of my life studying queer and trans history. I have been told my stances are less valid because I was not publicly under a particular set of labels. I have been publicly attacked and dismissed.
This discussion of people’s identities does not only affect celebrities. I am just a regular person, doing a job they are passionate about and I have deserved more compassion than I’ve gotten. I haven’t been hurting people, and the things I was most often attacked based on were minor intercommunity squabbles.
This whole mess is just an example of petty infighting that the queer community should be ashamed has been blasted on such a large stage as to affect these young men. Actors, who were simply doing their job are being bullied for no good reason, and outing people is always a disgraceful decision. All of this is based on a simple misapplication of a political framework that has also been proven to be just as ineffective in other communities.
The idea that you need a certain set of identities to even speak on discrimination, or be a part of the discussion, is so silly. That’s how you lose important valuable insights. In real strong community work, people of all experiences are listened to and their voices are valued because of their unique perspectives. Yes, people facing the lived realities of oppression should have their voices amplified, but that truth was never meant to be used as a weapon or a silencer. It was meant to lift up people, not to tear others down.
Earlier I talked about people who don’t neatly fit within a cis/nonbinary/trans paradigm. It’s an expensive, sensitive topic a lot of academics and activists are already talking about. Here’s an inconclusive list of people to whom this may apply:
-Lesbians with no particular affinity to womanhood beyond being lesbians
-Same but for gay men
-Same as the first two points but with a big emphasis on butch lesbians and drag queens
-Cis people who have trauma, even dysphoria, with their AGAB, but can’t find another gender or label they’d like any better
-Cis people of color who are excluded from eurocentric norms of what it means to look, act, and be cisgender
-Immigrants who had different gender norms in their country or origin who no longer fit in
-Neurodivedvent people for whom gender is just another set of confusing social cues
-Nonbinary people who refer to themselves as their AGAB as shorthand in day to day interaction (similar to choosing a “Starbucks name”)
-Nonbinary people who partially identify with their AGAB
-People who view their gender, not as something essential to them, but as imperfect language to refer to a complex range of expressions and experiences
-People who change labels over time but have overlying experiences that transcend these changes
-People who grew up before nonbinary identity really proliferated and still use the nomenclature theyre used to (even if they’re not considered cis by contemporary standards)
-People questioning their identity
-People who don’t relate to western philosophical notions of “the self.”
-People for whom their gender is, well, kind of hard to explain.
Cis is still an important term when denoting power dynamics, especially on a broad sociological level. But on a personal level, this category very often falls apart. Language can only do so much. Anyway, there’s a lot I still don’t know but I just listened to an excellent episode of the Gender Reveal podcast with trans historian Jules Gill-Peterson where they discuss they question what it means to be cis (and how it applies to institutions vs individuals), along with so many other topics that I found fascinating. Give them a listen!
Mason talks about how as a “very strange kid” they delved into science and tech at an early age. They reveal that some of their early inspirations in entertainment included John Cameron Mitchell in Hedwig and the Angry Inch and Tim Curry in Rocky Horror Picture Show. And they take a deep dive into the increasing representation for members of the trans and non-binary communities in leading and supporting roles in entertainment, and how important it is that they get to play “real” people.
“Often non-binary characters and trans people are not seen in ‘normal’ jobs,” Mason says. “I play a real individual, a real person who has a very important job that a lot of non-binary people and trans people work in. It’s been really exciting to make contact with a bunch of people that otherwise hadn’t been represented in that way on television before.
"It’s so much more meaningful to represent marginalized people in the most normalized context because it’s the Trojan horse,” they continue. “It’s the way to get people used to having these conversations in the day-to-day. Everybody meets trans and non-binary people all the time and half the time they don’t even know it. It’s amazing how integrated we are in society now but are still such a "strange,” hot-button topic. To just let me breathe and exist and be present in the story is very radical and very cool. I look forward to what that does for future generations of non-binary characters.“
“What if I’m not trans, what if I’m choosing to be trans for [list of reasons]”
I am grabbing you by the shoulders and shaking you like a can of soda. If, for whatever reason, you looked within yourself and decided to be trans - you’re still trans. We (as trans people) don’t need to have an “I always knew” story. We don’t need to have the ~magical transsexual gene~. It’s incredibly hard for so many of us to figure out why we’re trans, and if being trans was always a choice, the reasons for choosing to be trans would be complex. If being trans is always a choice, that doesn’t negate that we deserve human dignity and respect for who we are.
It shouldn’t matter if you chose your trans identity or not, becayse you still are a person. You breath the same air I do, and you deserve to live how you want, on your terms. You watch the same sunrises and sunsets I do, you are here. I, for one, welcome you no matter what your inner reflections are about your transness. You have a place in this world, you have inherent worth.
RIP Brianna Ghey, a 16 year old trans girl who was brutally attacked and murdered in Warrington in the UK, whose death they’re refusing to even consider as a hate crime even though she faced years of documented bullying and harassment from peers at school. She deserved better. She deserved to live 106 happy years of life and beyond.
Times have been really, really difficult, and this is only the latest piece of heartbreaking and devastating news on top of everything else.
Please, please know that if you need someone to talk to, a shoulder to lean on, someone to listen - I am here. I am happy to talk privately. I will probably not be able to respond immediately after a message is sent, but I will respond. I hear you. I see you. Y'all are important to me.
If you are in crisis and can do so, please reach out to a hotline like Trans Lifelife. Please be advised that crisis lines are legally obligated to call emergency services if you are considering or in the act of committing suicide, and if you’re a minor, they are obligated to disclose your status to your parents. This can result in involuntary holds in psychiatric hospitals. I trust y'all to make the best decision for your own personal circumstances.
The Sims added Top surgery scars, chest binders, and shapewear!
Watch the ep of our vodcast, Perfectly Queer, to see a chat with our former Ambassador MomoMisfortune who helped campaign for The Sims to add pronoun options in-game!
Sir Ian McKellen urges gay people to be better allies to the transgender community.
The legendary actor and Stonewall co-founder joined It’s a Sin star Olly Alexander for a special LGBT+ History Month talk on TikTok on February 25, Pink News reports.
Sir Ian said:
“I do hear people – gay people – talk about transgender people in very much the same terms as people used to talk about your common or garden gay.
“The connection between us all is we come under the queer umbrella – we are queer. I quite like being queer actually.
“The problems that transgender people have with the law are not dissimilar from what used to be the case for us, so I think we should all be allies really.“
This is not the first time the actor has stood up to transphobes.
Speaking to lifestyle magazine Attitude, the veteran star talked about how happy he was about Elliot Page coming out as transgender.
He felt “so disappointed” with himself for not recognizing the struggles that the then-teenage actor could have been facing when they worked together.
The actor talked about why it is important to be honest with oneself.
Top photo from The Talks.
[image ID:
First image is a black and white photo of Ian McKellen looking into the camera with his hand on his head, fingers splayed across his forehead.
Second photo is a side-by-side with Elliot Page on the left, wearing a black shirt and black baseball cap. On the right is Ian McKellen in a blue shirt and brown plaid suit coat.
GenderFck: liberation for all genders in a society where gender confines people; ; gender exploration, identity, and presentation that is bold or daring, without restriction to prior ideas, fearless, uninhibited, and without shame.
GenderFck provides benefits like:
Personal conversations with Rae McDaniel, a gender and sex therapist, about gender
Group coaching on questioning and transitioning
Community
Learn healthy coping skills
Research based information on medical transition and trans health
"I think you’ll find that taking the pressure off to find “the answer [identity label]” breathes a lot more life and joy into the very human process of simply evolving."
Which brings me to my other point: You might be thinking too hard.
You are absolutely right that society has imposed rules and
consequences for being a woman that are complete patriarchal
misogynistic nonsense. Good on you for questioning that and pushing back
on it. We know that so much of gender is culturally constructed and it
is good to critique and question and pull that apart.
And….
This feels like the difference to me of being queer and studying
Queer Theory. It is good and important to have a basis of understanding
of the philosophical tenets of Queer Theory. It informs much of who I am
to know that society constructs boxes to put people in and I am working
to dismantle those boxes and create more freedom. And also, my daily
life as a queer and non-binary person doesn’t often involve actively
thinking about how something I’m doing is related to the tenets of Queer
Theory and if I happen to be fitting into one box or another at that
particular moment. I just…am. I’m just living as my queerest self
without thinking too hard about it.
That’s where the freedom is. And I want to invite you into the
freedom of “just being” and following what makes you feel good and the
most like yourself without over-analyzing it.
[…]
There’s no perfect solution here and no right answer. And exploring does not mean you’re confused.
[…]
Start playing with various aspects of your identity and expression
and take note of what lights you up and where you feel a sense of gender
euphoria. Then lean into those things and build on them.
I think you’ll find that taking the pressure off to find “the
answer” breathes a lot more life and joy into the very human process of
simply evolving.
“There is no one way to be non-binary, and that’s truthfully one of the
best things about it. It’s an identity that is yours to shape.”
Combining
light-hearted anecdotes with their own hard-won wisdom, Jamie Windust
explores everything from fashion, dating, relationships and family,
through to mental health, work and future key debates. From trying on
clothes in secret to iconic looks, first dates to polyamorous liaisons,
passports to pronouns, Jamie shows you how to navigate the world and
your evolving identity in every type of situation.
Frank, funny,
and brilliantly feisty, this must-read book is a call to arms for
non-binary self-acceptance, self-appreciation and self-celebration.