The Bloggess

I make my living with words. I’m a 4x NYT bestselling author. I read voraciously. I own an independent bookshop and pick books for multiple book clubs, but I still find myself looking up new words or concepts whenever I read new books. This is actually what I love because I want to expand my mind and learn more, but I read a book coming out in April that I really loved but which made me run for the dictionary so many times I started to question my own intelligence. I kept a list of a few of the words or phrases I had to look up because I need to know if I’m alone in not knowing them.

Semaphoric

Bolshy

Lushington

Voight-Kampff

Viz

Mithered

Flense

Sublimate

Rhotic

Épée

Corpse (as a verb)

Quotidian

Exegesis

Sloe

Edenic

Gelid

How many did you know? If you knew all 16 you win.

PS. Here are the definitions in case you’re clueless like me: Visual signaling, difficult or argumentative, a drunk, a test run by Blade Runners to see if someone was an android, to wit, fussing, slicing fat off a carcass, to change form but not essence, dialect in which “r” is pronounced before a consonant, a sword, being unable to control laughter while acting as a dead body, common, critical interpretation of scripture, blackthorn fruit, relating to the Garden of Eden, extremely cold.

Several years ago my talented, strange friend – Aurora Florence – was in the process of creating a short film about an adorable, weirdo taxidermist who suffers from crippling anxiety and dresses her rescued roadkill up in outfits. And also it’s a musical with dancing taxidermy. IT’S LIKE IT WAS MADE FOR ME.

She asked if she could borrow Rory (the sweet raccoon on the cover of Furiously Happy and I was totally in except that Rory is way too fragile and his hands keep falling off (it’s fine. My dad resculpted them over dinner one night) so instead I sent her Rory III, who was made with doll hands, cardboard, magic and a roadkill raccoon carcass. Rory III was created many years ago when I was on book tour by my other talented, strange friend – Tara Dactyl.

Aurora loved him because the best kind of people can see hidden magic and so Rory III went on vacation to have a guest spot in The Anxious Taxidermist, an award-winning short that I love so much it hurts. I can’t show you the whole thing because (fingers crossed) it’ll hopefully be made into a full feature in the future, but Aurora did upload three of my favorite songs from the musical so that you can all appreciate the BRILLIANT (I don’t use this word lightly…seriously, you’ll agree) work and also see Rory III make his acting debut.

Ready? This one is a favorite that I can’t stop singing loudly around my house, much to Victor’s chagrine. (Tiny Rory III sighting at 45 seconds.)

And this one, which is just…CHEF’S KISS…and features a Rory III solo at 1:20.

And this one, which is not Rorified, but literally makes me cry every time because she absolutely nailed the constant battle with our own heads.

Ow. But also…fuck yeah. 

All this to say…we can do amazing things…strange and amazing things….together.

She’s currently fundraising for her next project, which sounds fantastic. You can check it out here if you want to get involved.

And my friend Tara, who created Rory III so many years ago? She was recently on a game show with David Spade where people guess which business is real and which is a joke.

She presented ethically-sourced raccoon carcasses rescued from the dumpsters to be made into crocs. Crocoons. 

And they are absolutely real, my friends.

You can check her stuff out here.

All this to say that sisters are getting shit done. 

Weird, terribly bizarre shit.

The best kind of shit.

Keep on going friends. You may struggle. You may get judged. But in the end our combined strangeness makes us better. Or at least frightens away the people we don’t want to talk to.

It’s February and that means I get to pick books for the book club…whoop!

If you’re in the Fantastic Strangelings Book Club you’ll be getting  The Warm Hands of Ghosts by Katherine Arden. 

It sounds like horror but really it’s more like historical fiction with a splash of paranormal. During the Great War, a combat nurse searches for her brother, believed dead in the trenches despite eerie signs that suggest otherwise, in this hauntingly beautiful historical novel with a speculative twist.

I loved it and was a little embarrassed at how little I knew about the history of WWI and what it was like in the trenches. When will I get to a point when I read historical fiction and be like, “Oh, I already know all of this”? Does that ever happen? I can’t tell if I’m dumb for not knowing so much or smart for continuing to learn. Maybe both? Let’s say both.

And if you’re in the Nightmares from Nowhere Book Club we’re sending you a book that explores rivalry, sacrifice, uneven power dynamics, ambition, ethics, and feminism in a way that reimagines the first vampire book, Carmilla? It’s a spicy, sapphic, enemies-to-lovers romance with a side of murder called An Education in Malice by S.T.Gibson.

An if you, like me, need more than one book to get you through the month, here are some new February releases I liked.

Bored Gay Werewolf by Tony Santorella – Gritty. Funny. Weird. Like if a gay Fight Club mixed with The Talented Mr. Ripley and picked a fight with Andrew Taint.

I’ll Just Be Five More Minutes: And Other Tales from My ADHD Brain by Emily Farris –True story…I think I was asked to blurb this book and I really liked it but I can’t remember if I blurbed it or not because I have ADHD. So, I guess…relatable?

The Tainted Cup by Robert Jackson Bennett – Part murder mystery…part world-building magical fantasy. All good.

The Book of Love by Kelly Link – This book is long as hell and is about everything and the kitchen sink, but the prose is gorgeous.

House of Last Resort by Christopher Golden – Creepy demons. Italian catacombs. Catholic Church shenanigans.

The Invisible Hotel by Yeji Y. Ham – This is such a strange little book that examines generational trauma in Korea. It’s a very odd exploration on dread, grief and the long-lasting effects of war and fear.

Dear Sister by Michelle Horton – A fascinating memoir by the sister of Nikki Addimando, incarcerated for killing her abuser, about abuse, family and the criminal justice system.

Until next month, happy reading and don’t forget to support your local indie bookshop!

~Jenny

Remember a few months ago when I accidentally said I was sending out free boob bags?

Then you’ll understand this. Maybe.

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A post shared by Jenny Lawson (@thebloggess)

Also, I was just thinking that you could probably make an incredible bra made of crocheted titties and spellcheck immediately changed “titties” to “kitties”, which is presumptuous as hell but also, I think a bra made of crocheted kitties would probably be pretty awesome too, if slightly less sexy.

Life lesson 289: Turns out your husband quickly returns a call when you text him this:

Victor and I were driving around trying to decide what to eat and he was like, “Let’s go to that place that has soup weekends” and I just stared at him because what? And then he was like, “I mean weekend soup. The place that has specials on soup on the weekend?” and I still don’t know what he’s talking about but I was like, “Soup Weekend would be a great band name. Soup Weekend, now playing at Bonnaroo.” And then I sort of wished that I had a Soup Weekend shirt because then people would think that I was incredibly cool because I’m wearing a band shirt that they’ve never even heard of and probably by next week people would be like, “Oh, I liked Soup Weekend before they went mainstream” and then Soup Weekend would be washed up but I’d still wear the shirt and people would be like, “Is she wearing that ironically or does she not know that Soup Weekend is so totally over?” and the whole thing was so ridiculous that I went home and immediately made myself a shirt.

But I have a terrible memory so when it arrives I’m going to be like, “Who the fuck is Soup Weekend?” so I’m writing this now to remind myself. 

Soup Weekend Forever.

UPDATED: As requested, you too can brag about knowing Soup Weekend with your own shirt.