There were some things I didn't love but I think this is helpful/important enough to give it 5 stars. I learned a lot and I'm going to use a lot of what I learned. That said, I disagreed with a few things, like telling the police to trust their fear. That's a bad idea. Telling a woman alone in a park to trust her fear is different than telling a racist gun-wielding dangerous cop to trust that he should trust their fear (typically of innocent Black people). I also thought he could have talked more about how the police are often perpetrators, not just ignorers of crime. Like, cops literally don't legally have to protect us and they do much more harm than good, and yet people trust them, so that would have been a good thing to talk about. Also, it did come across as victim-blaming at certain points, but at least he was kind of self-aware (essentially by saying that he's not trying to victim blame) but it still could have used some more nuance. Anyway, I think it's a realllly important read and I recommend it to pretty much everybody. ( )

Gavin de Becker encourages us to pay attention to our intuition, which he defines as “knowing without knowing why.” He defines the difference between fear, worry, and anxiety. As an expert in violence, he provides guidance on personal safety, such as offering tips to avoid becoming a victim of crime and what to do to discourage stalking.

Part of the issue in disregarding intuition lies in our desire to act based solely on logic. It is also influenced by our tendency to be polite or protect feelings. But de Becker points out that we are under no obligation to engage with strangers. “’No’ is a complete sentence. Doubt is a messenger of intuition.”

The author has personal knowledge of violence from his childhood. He provides anecdotes and examples from his professional and personal life. This book was published in 1996, and could use some significant updating, particularly with respect to terminology, technology, and gender consciousness.
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This book is about how trusting our intuition and paying attention to our fears can save our lives. The author believes that humans can pick up on clues and signs subconsciously from our surroundings, and by following these clues we can avoid or get out of dangerous situations. A lot of the stuff in this book was chilling to read about, especially many of his examples, but I think it's all very important. I personally do buy into the idea that our mind and senses can notice things that we consciously aren't aware of, so I absolutely like his advice to go with your gut. It's also just interesting to read about, and there's a very fascinating chapter on assassins and media glamourizations. I do think he could have cut down on some of the examples, particularly the ones involving celebrities, as in my mind celebrities are not normal people and don't live normal lives, but that's just my petty gripe. ( )

Aanrader (zeker voor vrouwen). Spannende anekdotes en praktische tips van een gerenommeerde expert in geweld- en risicomanagement.
Naast de interessante uitleg van de psychologie achter angst, intuïtie en geweld ook zeer toepasbare zaken die ik heb doorgespeeld aan mijn vriendin en mijn dochtertje.

Ik kwam in aanraking met De Becker via zijn interview met Sam Harris: https://samharris.org/podcasts/living-with-violence/

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Though touted as life-changing and essential, I found this book to be moderately useful. As a woman, I have already had to develop and deploy the strategies the author lists for dealing with people who won't listen to the word "no", so most of the stalking section was less relevant - as was the section about children who kill their parents. While I think most people realize the uselessness of restraining orders, learning about the active harm they can do was helpful.

The most useful insights I got from the book were actually about anxiety and worry at the end of the book - that real fear is helpful, versus worry which you only do when the thing you're worried about is unlikely to happen. Also things I already knew on some level, but they bear repeating for someone with chronic anxiety. The main message of the beginning of the book - trust your instincts, don't be polite if your instincts are screaming with fear - also bears repeating, especially for women.

The book was short and to the point, using example stories only when necessary. In general, I now feel more confident about my instincts' ability to deal with terrifying situations when they arise, which allows me to worry less about unlikely scenarios. ( )