They changed their name from Awakened Mind to Buddha Dojo to Ashira Meditation, but it is the same group. They keep changing their name to try to get away from these posts and trick more people to join.
I was catching up with someone from the sangha recently and I was struck by how I could tell they were constantly thinking about whether I'm "bright and shiny."
I remember I used to meditate before phone calls with sangha mates so that when I spoke to them that "light" came through.
However, constantly forcing myself to be "bright and shiny", was never real.
I never felt like I would be accepted as my real live human self.
I learned extremely quickly that my dark sense of humor was not accepted, having a bad day was bad manners, that any range of conversation topics were off limits because they weren't "bright" enough.
I'm so happy not to be in such a limiting place anymore.
I genuinely think that if enlightenment is real it includes ALL of life, and any path that forces people to pretend to be a certain way is deeply flawed.
It's so much better to be myself and to be accepted in the real world as I am.
It so much better to have friends who are real, who are accepting of all conversation topics and all sides of me.
It's so much better to have friends who don't judge each and everything I do as either "bright" or "not bright".
Especially when their definition of "bright" is entirely based on "Did Samvara ever say that this specific hobby is good? Did Samvara ever say that this specific song is good? Did Samvara ever say that dressing this way, making jokes this way, living this way, is good?"
Some people in the sangha might read this and think "well that's an issue with the sangha, not an issue with Samvara". However, never forget, Samvara does this exact same thing. He taught everyone else to behave the same way. All issues with the sangha spiral out from him.
Some people in the sangha might read this post and think "wow, what a heavy post, what a dark post, I better stop reading this or it'll throw off my vibes for the day and then I'll get a text from Samvara saying I'm not passing the vibe check".
But it's OKAY to be upset! It's natural, it's human!
Once I started letting myself be genuinely angry and feel the real span of human emotions again, that was when I was able to finally leave the sangha.
The sangha trains people to not feel all of their feelings and it really makes leaving the institution so difficult because those troubling emotions about all of the trauma experienced in that institution are never addressed in an honest and objective manner. Constantly limiting your range of human emotion and living a life entirely defined by someone else's definition of "good" is traumatizing.
I hope everyone in the sangha escapes some day.
Life is so so so much better on the outside.
Wishing everyone the best.
Hello all, recently thought of SF awakened mind/buddha dojo today and thought I’d search online to see if anything new has been posted.
Happy to see this group has been created. I started with meditation classes held at my uni, went to a couple seminars, got as far as receiving the application to join the sanga, but ultimately decided it wasn’t for me.
Just wanted to reach out and acknowledge the difficulties of leaving a group like this, especially if it’s so closely intertwined with your life. It takes courage to take a leap like this.
If ya’ll ever need someone to talk to more than happy to be there as a support system.