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I am not The OOP, OOP is
My [24F] boyfriend [24M] is obsessed and superstitious with sports to the point where it interferes with his life severely. I am also a sports fan but I think he is out of control
TRIGGER WARNING:
Aug 28, 2016
Hi relationships. I realize that this problem may seem minor and insignificant, but it’s really affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. I’m posting this with a throwaway because people I know in real life know my reddit handle. (Excuse any typos please as I am on mobile)
I [24F] have been dating my boyfriend [24M] for 17 months, and we have lived together for 5 months. He is a wonderful guy and he treats me great and doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. We get along with each other’s friends and families and we have the same sense of humor and common goals and beliefs. I know we are young and I don’t want to rush but I love him and can really see a future with him. There is just one problem that I feel is getting in the way. It may seem like such a stupid and insignificant problem because he doesn’t hit me or cheat on me or use drugs or alcohol to excess. But it’s really affecting our relationship.
My boyfriend is obsessed with sports and is really superstitious when it comes to his teams. We live in Massachusetts and he is obsessed with the Red Sox, the Bruins, the Celtics, the Patriots and the Revolution. I like sports as well but he takes it to a whole different level. He gets superstitious and has routines and things he does because he believes it will help his team win.
Some examples: Earlier this season the Red Sox went on a winning streak. They day they won their first game he had a day off work and he fallen asleep on the couch the night before still wearing his socks, so for the entire winning streak he refused to take off or change his socks. He was washing his hair and body in the bathroom sink and wearing clean clothes, but he wouldn’t change his socks or wash his feet. This went on for days and it was gross and his feet smelled so bad and he admitted he could smell them too but he didn’t care because he said it helped the team win.
When the NFL season started this year my boyfriend’s car was in the shop, so when he went to work the day before opening day he walked to work and then took the bus home at the end of the day. This happened for the first 2 games of the season and the Patriots won every game and he was convinced that this ritual was helping the team. He kept this up for the first 10 games of the season, even after he got his car back. He didn’t care what the weather was and even made the trip on days he wasn’t working, even though it was 30-40 minutes each way without a car. Two mutual friends of our got married on November 28 of last year and he couldn’t make the trip because we had to go out of town for the wedding. He was actually thinking of skipping the wedding but I talked sense into him and he went, although he was tense the whole time. The next day the Patriots lost their first game of the season after winning 10 games in a row. He was pissed off and still blames me for it (and by blame me he just says it is my fault, he doesn’t do stuff like yell at me or refuse to spend time with me just for clarity, he is not abusive).
He has certain rituals for game days. He will only eat certain foods or drink his coffee a certain way or go to a certain coffee shop or gas station. For the last Bruins season he went and got coffee every morning even if he didn’t want coffee. He has certain brands of shampoo depending what sports season or playoff it is. He will change his hairstyle or not shave if it is the playoffs, or he will only sit in a certain seat in the living room during the game. When we moved in together I moved in with him because my lease was up but he still had 6 months left on his. The plan was that after 6 months we would find a bigger place. I have an almost new living room set with a couch, loveseat and 2 recliners. His living room furniture is ripped and on the verge of breaking. He insisted on keeping his because he doesn’t know the “temperament” of my furniture when it comes to the teams. Seriously. I am not trying to be snobby because mine is newer but his is being held together with pieces of wood and duct tape and has holes in it. I know compromise is important and at the time it wasn’t a hill I wanted to die on so I agreed to keep his furniture and give mine to my parents because they were looking for replacements but now in the big picture I see why it was a problem.
Another example is our wedding. We aren’t planning on being engaged or married yet, but we have talked about the future. He has said that if we ever get married and engaged, the proposal and wedding would have to be on days when none of his teams are playing because he doesn’t want the wedding to influence a game or winning streak or something, because we can’t have a wedding every day for the team to win. So far he thinks July or August because 3 of the 5 teams (Bruins, Patriots and Celtics) are on the offseason and there will probably be a day when the Red Sox and Revolution aren’t playing. He can’t guarantee it will be a Saturday though. I am not saying anything for now because we aren’t at the wedding or engagement stage but it bothers me that he is so serious about this that it would affect our wedding. If we did get married and it was a game day I wouldn’t even mind getting married sometime before the game was on and then have TV with the game at our reception. As I said, I am a sports fan also and I like the same teams he does. I enjoy watching sports but I think he takes it too far. These are just some examples, there are many others.
I have tried talking about this and he saying I don’t understand how important all this is. As I said he doesn’t pick fights with me or yell or mope or anything and he doesn’t get emotionally or physically abusive. His family members are sports fans also and they say he has always been like this. Although they don’t take it as far as him and they thought he was being dumb with the walking to work so the Patriots would win. I convinced him to talk to a therapist about these compulsions and that included couples therapy where we could talk, and he agreed to go but the therapist said he didn’t have a problem and was normal (and yes he was honest in therapy, at least when I was there). I wanted a second opinion so I picked a therapist and the same thing happened. So now he is convinced that he doesn’t have a problem and I just don’t understand.
Like I said he is wonderful in every other way. He is a good person, he isn’t a snob to anyone and he treats me well and doesn’t cheat or be abusive. He spends time with me and is attentive. And even when we debate about his sports obsession he doesn’t yell or get mean. I love him very much and I can see a future for us. I enjoy watching games with him. But his obsession and superstition with sports is giving me second thoughts because while I like sports my life doesn’t revolve around them. Since two therapists have said he is normal and not mentally ill or anything he is convinced this is fine. We are due to move into a bigger place in a month and while we haven’t signed the lease yet I’m not sure I want to do it without addressing this but I don’t know what else to do to make him listen. Am I being irrational and not understating or I am right to be concerned about this and thinking of ending it? If anyone has any advice or thoughts I would appreciate them. Thank you in advance for reading.
tl;dr: My [24F] boyfriend [24M] loves the Red Sox, Celtics, Bruins, Patriots and Revolution. He is obsessed with sports and is so superstitious. He will do things like not change or take off his socks for days, or walk to work instead of driving no matter the weather just because he thinks it helps the team win. I took him to see two therapists about his obsession but they said he was fine and not mentally ill or problematic. The lease is almost up on his apartment but I am having second thoughts about us getting a bigger place because of his obsession, even though I love him and see a future with him.
Sept 30, 2017
My first post can be found
Firstly I would like to thank everyone who posted supportive and kind comments. I'm sorry I didn't answer them all. I had posted with a throwaway and some stuff had happened (I'll explain below) and I had forgotten I posted for a while. Now things have kind of evened out and I wanted to give an update for everyone who was supportive. He is my ex-boyfriend.
I read all the posts and a few days after I decided to talk to him again. It didn't go well at first and that should have been a sign. There was a Red Sox game on when we were both home from work and they lost and he was upset with me for talking to him and not letting him focus on the game, and interrupting the things he had to do. He was convinced they lost because of that and we had a huge fight.
I should have ended it there. But I didn't. The next day we were both off work and he got me roses and cooked me lunch and there was candlelight and music and he asked me to dance with him there in the living room. He apologized, and promised he would do better. He acknowledged it wasn't fair to me and said he wanted to get help and see another therapist. He talked about the future and us having a life. I stupidly listened.
He did make an appointment with the therapist. He talked with me about his feelings and how I was feeling. He said he agreed that we would get new furniture for our new place. I tried to give him some space regarding his habits because he was committed to seeing the therapist and changing and I didn't want to push him and him end up saying forget it. He was much more attentive though. I thought he changed but I was wrong. A week or so after we had fought and made up and he made the therapist appointment something else happened that turned my life upside down. I had a mole on one of my arms but I never thought anything of it. I had a new coworker and she pulled me aside one day and said she didn't want to scare me or be weird but she is a two time skin cancer survivor and the mole did not look good. She stressed that I needed to see a doctor. I wasn't going to and she I was non-committal and she begged me to go.
It turns out she was right and she saved my life. I made the appointment thinking the doctor would look and it would be no big deal. I had that mole for a while and never paid much attention to it. It was melanoma. I had to have surgery to remove the mole as well as to check the lymph nodes to see if it spread.
The surgery was scheduled for a day my idiot ex-boyfriend had tickets to a Bruins preseason game. He asked me to postpone the surgery because he couldn't skip the game as it would affect the team. He was actually being serious. He went so far as to call my doctor and tell him I wanted to postpone the surgery and he was calling on my behalf. He said if I went though with the surgery he couldn't be there for me and I needed to understand because the team needs him. Then he actually fucking told me that I could not sit in his recliner the day I was scheduled to came home from the hospital because the Pats were playing and he needed to sit there for game day. I would have to take the broken couch. I am dead serious.
I broke up with him. I called a friend who had a truck and we packed all my stuff and she agreed that I could crash in her spare room for as long as I needed. It was the last month on his lease and I paid the landlord the last month of rent because even though I wasn't on his lease I didn't want him to be able to say I left him high and dry. I cut all contact with him and blocked his phone number and email address. It was on the 18 month anniversary of the day we met/had our first date and the 6 month anniversary of the day we moved in together. I thank God/the universe/whoever that I didn't sign the lease for the new place we had planned to move into together with him or combine my money with him.
I had the surgery. It got so lucky. It was stage 2 and had not hit the lymph nodes yet. I had to stay in the hospital for a couple of days but the wound was looking okay and not infected so I was discharged to go home. The waiting was agony and the worst thing. I also was not in the best emotional state because of what had happened with my ex. I cried when I found out it wasn't in my lymph nodes yet. The doctor said it would have hit them and spread in under a year and I would have been much worse off. So now I am hyper away of the sun, I go for skin checks every few months and I have a nasty scar. But it could have been so bad. That coworker saved my life and we are friends now.
Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my surgery. I had so much support from my friends, family and coworkers. I will never forget it. Once I recovered and went back to work I got a small promotion. I started night school for college last month, while I work full time during the day. I've taken up rock climbing and last month I started night school. It will really help my career and I am excited about it. I'm single since I broke up with my ex but on Monday I had an impromptu date at the juice bar with a guy I bumped into at the gym. It felt good just to be social again and he seemed nice.
That's my update. I want to thank everyone again. I haven't seen or talked to my ex since I broke up with him and left. I did hear through the grapevine that he stayed in his place when the power went out and there was no heat for more than one day when the temps were below freezing and there was a blizzard because he wanted to sleep in his bed and sit in his chair to help his teams. He apparently had to be taken to the hospital for exposure because it was so damn cold. If he doesn't want to change that's his problem and not mine now.
Thanks for everyone, relationships
tl;dr My boyfriend said he would change but he didn't. I had to have surgery for skin cancer and he tried to get me to postpone it because he had tickets to a game and said it would mess with his routine and hurt the team. I broke up with him, moved out, had the surgery, recovered, got promoted, am going to night school and dating/socializing again. He is still doing his stupid superstitious nonsense.
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For this report I have decided to compare the magnitude of how much a loss means across various North American sports and how much you as a fan should let it upset you.
I will take two things into account - the number of games in a regular season, and how difficult it is to make the playoffs.
Baseball, as we know, has 162 games in the regular season, and 6 teams from each league make the playoffs. Here's how it compares to other major sports:
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NFL (since 2021): 17 games in a regular season, 14 teams out of 32 make playoffs.
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NHL (since 2013): 82 games, 16 teams out of 32 make playoffs.
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NBA (since 2020): 82 games, 20 teams out of 30 make playoffs (if you count play-in games).
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College Football (2014-2023): 12 regular season games + CCG. 4 teams out of 131 made playoffs. For the purposes of this exercise I will count the "Postseason" as any NY6 Bowl (and going forward, there will be 12 postseason slots, so it works moving forward)
Regular Season Games | Initial 1 loss = __ MLB losses | Teams in League | Postseason Slots | % of teams to make Postseason | Difficulty of Making Postseason (compared to MLB) | Adjusted 1 loss = __ MLB losses | |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
MLB | 162 | 1 | 30 | 12 | 40.00% | 100.00% | 1 |
NHL | 82 | 1.975609756 | 32 | 16 | 50.00% | 80.00% | 1.580487805 |
NFL | 17 | 9.529411765 | 32 | 14 | 43.75% | 91.43% | 8.712605042 |
NBA | 82 | 1.975609756 | 30 | 20 | 66.67% | 60.00% | 1.185365854 |
CFB | 12 | 13.5 | 131 | 12 | 9.16% | 436.67% | 58.95 |
Per my findings, losing a single hockey game should make you as upset as losing 1.6 NLB games, and losing an NFL game is as bad as an 8.6-game losing streak in MLB. Due to how easy it is to make the postseason in the NBA, losing 1 NBA game is only marginally worse than losing an MLB game. A single CFB loss, however, should have you as upset as 59 MLB losses.
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A recently introduced bill ("Gender Inclusion Policy", ) would "ensure student access to public school programming, activities, and facilities for each student regardless of their sexual orientation, gender identity, gender expression, or gender nonconformity".
Notably, it would require schools to allow athletic participation based on a student's gender identity:
A school district or charter school board...to the extent practicable, must adopt, implement...a written policy on gender inclusion consistent with this section. The policy must require, at a minimum, a district or charter school to...
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Americans are now less supportive of transgender athletes playing on the team of their choice than they were two years ago, a national survey found...
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Where do you stand on the issue?
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