I have been with my girlfriend for about 4 years. Things have been mostly amazing with a few turbulent moments we have worked through. I knew at the beginning of the relationship that she was intimate with her best friend in college, but I just found out today she also was intimate for a long time with her husband before we started dating. She still hangs out with them all the time. This came up because we were arguing at the fact that I wasn’t invited to his birthday party at his house tomorrow because “spouses aren’t coming”. I basically said something along the lines of “are we sure he isn’t gay” and she insinuated that she knew for a fact he wasn’t which led to me asking “did you sleep with him” and she said “well yea”. I don’t know what to do. She is supposedly going over there by herself to see them tomorrow. I don’t care about them hanging out, I care that it was omitted and I wasn’t given the opportunity to have an opinion or feeling about the matter (not that it should affect her decision making about them). I wasn’t given the chance to make a decision. Is this a deal breaker? Am I crazy to not want her to see these people at least for the time being while I wrap my head around this.
Get In The Game
My husband and his female best friend are quite close, and they talk about everything. It's never really bothered me much. However, I found out recently that she asked for a vibrator as her birthday present, and he bought her one. Moreover, when I asked him on the day of what the present was, he refused to tell me saying it was "private", and he needed to check with his best friend first before telling me. This pissed me off a bit at first, and then when I found out what the present was I really felt like a line was crossed. I've explained to him that I thought it was very inappropriate that he didn't even ask me first. His defense has been that he thought society needs to normalise self-love, and so he didn't feel it was an inappropriate thing.
He feels bad when he realised how hurt I was & has apologized profusely. I believe his intentions were genuine. But I'm still quite mad at him.
I should note, they're both absolutely not interested in each other sexually in any way, so not worried about that at all. Just very livid at him & feel my privacy was violated a bit. Am I overreacting? How do I come around to forgiving him?
