Let’s pretend football decides to take a page out of the hockey playbook and starts to allow fighting. In this new era who becomes the NFL tough guy? Who gets exposed? Who would be your dream 1 on 1 bout of fisticuffs?

I think Trent Williams becomes the first ultimate enforcer, I think Jamal Adams gets exposed for being a fake tough guy, and the 1v1 I want to see is Aaron Donald throwing down with Maxx Crosby

NFC stadiums to come at a later date after I've rested up from these fights.

Context / assumptions

• Fighting limited to stadium grounds, fight to the death

• No outside weapons allowed by either party

• My opponent is a literal building where everything functions as designed (e.g. decorations like a pirate ship actually fire)

• I am fighting a literal building that, where applicable, does not need staff running functions (e.g. cannons can auto-fire)

• I’m a 6’0" and 155 pound male in his late-30s, reasonably in-shape but no meaningful fighting experience

AFC East

• Highmark Stadium - Buffalo Bills: It's cold af in Buffalo, but this stadium is old and being demolished anyway. I basically just have to keep warm and wait for the inevitable demolition. EZPZ win. 1-0 me.

• Hard Rock Stadium - Miami Dolphins: This stadium will pull out every cheap shot in the book; sun in my eyes, flooding to make me slip. Honestly I'll take a beating, but the ref will step in and DQ the stadium for all these shenanigans. 2-0 me.

• MetLife Stadium - New York Jets/Giants: I enter the stadium to complete silence (so you know it's game day). Years of anguish as a Patriots fan, knowing what vile teams have made this place home. I've been training, preparing my body, my mind, my very soul. This is personal. I feel my pulse rise as I trot out through the tunnel, eager to avenge thousands of fans. My foot hits turf and I hear a SNAP. Torn Achilles. Well played, MetLife. 2-1 me.

• Gillette Stadium - New England Patriots: They've got muskets here. With my torn Achilles, ain't no way I'm taking down a stadium wielding muskets. 2-2.

AFC West

• Arrowhead Stadium - Kansas City Chiefs: My Achilles healed, I feel a need to boost my confidence with a win. Arrowhead, though? Any damage I inflict will be met with instant death from the fans. I make my appeal to the ref that the fight is only supposed to be between me and the stadium, not fans of the team, but he says they live here so he can't do anything about that. I forfeit. 3-2 stadiums.

• Allegiant Stadium - Las Vegas Raiders: This stadium is something else! It tries to tempt me with slots at every turn, but I remain focused. I step onto the field and am hit with a blast of Las Vegas heat. Son of a bitch turned off the AC. It's like an oven in there. I desperately look for relief but only find more slot machines and ads telling me to gamble. 4-2 stadiums.

• Empower Field at Mile High - Denver Broncos: Having been to Denver before, I know all about altitude sickness. I arrive a week before my fight, training hard to get my heart pumping extra hard to get that oxygen to my brain and muscles. I pull up to the stadium only to find it engulfed in flames once more. He must have left the oven on when he was done cooking. Stadium forfeits. 4-3 stadiums.

• SoFi Stadium - LA Chargers/Rams: I'm in awe of such beauty! It seems almost criminal what I'm about to do. Fortunately they only need to worry about football games here every couple Februarys so I don't feel bad; they'll have plenty of time to clean up and rebuild before hosting fans of football. Smashy smashy! 4-4.

AFC North

• M&T Bank Stadium - Baltimore Ravens: A solid stadium. No particular weapons that tip the scales in its favor. We fight from dawn 'til dusk with no clear winner emerging. It's a draw. 4-4-1 stadiums.

• Cleveland Browns Stadium - Cleveland Browns: Rage builds in me, sweat pours from my brow. This is where Deshaun Watson played. Then I chuckle at how much he got paid only to barely play. The Dawg Pound sits empty (which makes it slightly more threatening that game day when it's filled with fans that are dead inside) and a twinge of guilt hits for the pain I'm about to rain down. I brush away the fleeting feeling and get beating. It's surprisingly easy, almost like the money that should have gone into maintenance went...elsewhere. I win. 5-4-1.

• Acrisure Stadium (aka Heinz Field) - Pittsburgh Steelers: This ain't no aluminum stadium, we're talking American steel, baby! My blows only serve to anger the stadium. A flurry of yellow engulfs me. My God...the towels...I forgot about the towels! My last memory is the stink of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania entering my nostrils. 5-5-1.

• Paycor Stadium - Cincinnati Bengals: Definitely a beauty, but from Wikipedia: "The construction of the stadium was funded by taxpayers to tune of $555 million, the largest public subsidy for an NFL stadium at the time. The Bengals had threatened to leave Cincinnati unless the city agreed to subsidize the stadium. In 2011, The Wall Street Journal described the stadium deal as "unusually lopsided in favor of the team and risky for taxpayers." Since then, additional costs have been imposed on taxpayers related to the stadium. By one estimate, taxpayers will have paid $1.1 billion by 2026, the year in which the 26-year deal expires." I smile and crack my knuckles, feeling the support of the locals as I pound its pretty little facade. 6-5-1 me.

AFC South

• NRG Stadium - Houston Texans: I don't stand a chance, as this stadium is a critical part of public safety during hurricanes and floods for Houstonians (Houstonanites? Houstonmen?). I realize I cannot beat it and move to forfeit. I'm greeted with 2 feet of surging water, sweeping me away. I use my last breath to argue that this is outside the stadium and doesn't count, but the ref has also been swept away and cannot process the appeal. 6-6-1.

• EverBank Stadium - Jacksonville Jaguars: Finally, practically a gimme! I sleep in and arrive the stadium just in time for the fight. I glance around and spot a swimming pool filled with beautiful women! I check the clock; still time! I slick back my hair and stride over, hoping to join in some traditional Jacksonville breakfast of Fireball whiskey and more Fireball whiskey. As I near the closest pool, it dawns on me: These are Jacksonville women. My blood runs cold. The sun-bleached hair...the sun-damaged skin...my God, the melanoma! Has no one around here heard of sunscreen?! I turn to run and slip on the wet deck, hitting my head and providing sweet relief to being trapped in Florida. 7-6-1 stadiums.

• Lucas Oil Stadium - Indianapolis Colts: A venue I am very familiar with, giving me the upper hand. I whisper "Tom Brady..." Anger in the building rises as it responds "January 21, 2007." Ok, that's fair. "What's that banner up there? 2014...I can't quite make it out..." The roof slowly opens but gets jammed. EZPZ win. 7-7-1.

• Nissan Stadium - Tennessee Titans: I stumble to the stadium, still drunk from the night before. My head stings as some memories come flooding back...tequila shots...mechanical bulls...telling women I thought country music was totally awesome even though it's all corporate swill nowadays...getting branded in the back of a Toyota Tacoma as part of some initiation or possibly sex thing? No way I'm winning this. I step onto the field, littered with Coors Light and Modelo cans. No Bud Light? Weird. Turns out there was yet another Kenny Chesney concert here last night and the stadium is more hungover than I am. We agree not to fight and just chill in the quiet with some Gatorade instead. 7-7-2.

The Lions obviously have 4 championships. Do they really matter or is it just all we have?

Caleb Williams - Aaron Rodgers

Marvin Harrison Jr - AJ Green

Malik Nabers- Stefon Diggs

Rome Odunze - Ja'Marr Chase

Jayden Daniels - Lamar Jackson

Drake Maye- Justin Herbert

Terrion Arnold- Devon Witherspoon

Joe Alt - Andrew Thomas

Dallas Turner - Josh Allen

Brock Bowers - George Kittle

Thanks so much to everyone who interacted with my post and voted in the poll from yesterday. I wanted to post the results of it so we all know where our hate is directed

Most Hated In Division:

• Cowboys - 651/665 votes or 98% - insane that they got this high a percentage I thought the Giants would at least get a decent bit

• Giants - 11/665 votes or 1.7%

• Commanders - 2/665 votes or 0.3%

NFC Breakdown:

• 49ers - 597/665 votes or 90.5% - recency bias is strong here but I hate them too. I think in prior years the Saints, Seahawks, and Vikings would have been the top

• New Orleans Saints - 18/665 votes or 2.7%

• Minnesota Vikings - 13/665 votes or 2%

• Tampa Bay Buccaneers - 12/665 or 1.8%

• Seattle Seahawks - 11/665 or 1.7%

• Green Bay Packers - 2/665 or 0.3%

• Arizona Cardinal - 1/665 or 0.2%

• Carolina Panthers - 1/665 or 0.2%

AFC:

• New England Patriots - 285/665 votes or 44.1%

• Kansas City Chiefs -178/665 votes or 27.6%

• Cleveland Browns - 64/665 votes or 9.9%

• Pittsburgh Steelers - 61/665 votes or 9.4%

• New York Jets - 16/665 votes or 2.5%

• Buffalo Bills 10/665 votes or 1.5%

• Miami Dolphins - 8/665 votes or 1.2%

• Baltimore Ravens - 8/665 votes or 1.2%

• Las Vegas Raiders - 6/665 votes or 0.9%

• Denver Broncos - 4/665 votes or 0.6%

Many of these results were pretty predictable, but I think the NFC outside of division and AFC will be interesting to see as the years go on.

When will the Chiefs surpass the Patriots and what team will potentially take the 49ers place as the most hated NFC team outside of the East.

Even in division, it will be interesting to see how a potentially more competitive Commanders or Giants team impacts the Cowboys strangle-hold on our inter-divisional hatred.

AFC

• Baltimore Ravens - Todd Monken (2023)

• Buffalo Bills - Joe Brady (2023)

• Cincinnati Bengals - Dan Pitcher (2024)

• Cleveland Browns - Ken Dorsey (2024)

• Denver Broncos - Joe Lombardi (2023)

• Houston Texans - Bobby Slowik (2023)

• Indianapolis Colts - Jim Bob Cooter (2023)

• Jacksonville Jaguars - Press Taylor (2022)

• Kansas City Chiefs - Matt Nagy (2023)

• Las Vegas Raiders - Luke Getsy (2024)

• Los Angeles Chargers - Greg Roman (2024)

• Miami Dolphins - Frank Smith(2022)

• New England Patriots - Alex Van Pelt (2024)

• New York Jets - Nathaniel Hackett (2023)

• Pittsburgh Steelers - Arthur Smith (2024)

• Tennessee Titans - Nick Holz (2024)

NFC

• Arizona Cardinals - Drew Petzing (2023)

• Atlanta Falcons - Zac Robinson (2024)

• Carolina Panthers - Brad Idzik (2024)

• Chicago Bears - Shane Waldron (2024)

• Dallas Cowboys - Brian Schottenheimer (2023)

• Detroit Lions - Ben Johnson (2022)

• Green Bay Packers - Adam Stenavich (2022)

• Los Angeles Rams - Mike LaFleur (2023)

• Minnesota Vikings - Wes Phillips (2022)

• New Orleans Saints - Klint Kubiak (2024)

• New York Giants - Mike Kafka (2022)

• Philadelphia Eagles - Kellen Moore (2024)

• San Francisco 49ers - Kyle Shanahan (2022)

• Seattle Seahawks - Ryan Grubb (2024)

• Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Liam Coen (2024)

• Washington Commanders - Kliff Kingsbury (2024)