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Metal Detector (v.redd.it)

submitted by AnalDwelinButtMonkey

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[–]ola-sou-o-clarence 5354 points5355 points  (77 children)

Why would she keep her keys in her vag?

[–]Mad-Dog94 1666 points1667 points  (37 children)

Wait.. I'm not supposed to keep my keys in my vag? Damn it Craig!

[–]Royal-Doggie 724 points725 points  (27 children)

if it not natural pocket, why it pocket shape?

[–]Ok_Breakfast_5459 841 points842 points  (18 children)

Bad idea. You can lose stuff in there. Like half your property

[–]Tiny-Cup-9122 145 points146 points  (3 children)

Best comment I've seen thus month

[–]Josepclanman 42 points43 points  (2 children)

I agreeth

[–]MEGAMILKBLAST 20 points21 points  (1 child)

I concureth

[–]GambAntonio 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Troo

[–]Caramelax21 55 points56 points  (0 children)

[–]Zhiong_Xena 29 points30 points  (2 children)

+1000000 social credit

[–]deathbear16 5 points6 points  (1 child)

BING CHILLLINGGG!!!!

[–]Zhiong_Xena 11 points12 points  (0 children)

BING CHILLLINNNNGGGG!!!

load more comments (8 replies)

    [–]Intelligent_Sweet906 18 points19 points  (0 children)

    Nature's pocket

    [–]Professional_Device9 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    This is why we need to give women bigger pockets

    [–]Mackroll 24 points25 points  (0 children)

    Hot pocket ftfy

    [–]Ahandfulofsquirrels 21 points22 points  (0 children)

    Just watch out for pickpockets!

    load more comments (4 replies)

      [–]owen_heyer 13 points14 points  (0 children)

      Is that why is tastes like metal?

      [–]thecraigbert 8 points9 points  (1 child)

      What did I do?

      [–]whodatus 4 points5 points  (1 child)

      Hey! That's not Craigs fault, that one's on you!

      [–]Mad-Dog94 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      in*

      load more comments (3 replies)

        [–]AhnYoSub 66 points67 points  (3 children)

        Have you seen pockets for women?

        [–]Consider2SidesPeace 22 points23 points  (1 child)

        Those exist? LOLz :)

        [–]AhnYoSub 9 points10 points  (0 children)

        Exactly my point

        [–]isurvivedthetruck 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        It's a fucking marketing scheme to make us buy purses!

        [–]not-my-best-wank 12 points13 points  (2 children)

        Is the secret pocket fashion industries don't want you to learn about.

        [–]National_Sea2948 12 points13 points  (2 children)

        You can practice your Kegel exercises that way. If you can get your headlights to flash it’s 10 points. If you can get your car alarm to go off it’s 50 points.

        [–]SabertoothPrime 8 points9 points  (1 child)

        Slobber pocket.

        [–]yesgaro 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        That’s what keygels are for…

        [–]chonkyseal734 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Woman's clothes don't have pockets

        [–]curiouscabbage69 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Dude, it's fiction. She probably doesn't in real life.

        [–]grogulus3000 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        I just spat out my coffee

        [–]Kalter10 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        why not

        load more comments (22 replies)

          [–]Karrden_ 1582 points1583 points  (40 children)

          Save the cheerleader

          [–][deleted] 361 points362 points  (19 children)

          Save the world

          [–]imdefinitelywong 374 points375 points  (0 children)

          [–]OldGrendel 40 points41 points  (11 children)

          Yes!

          [–]RobieKingston201 56 points57 points  (10 children)

          Hayden Panettiere fr only known for that? And Until Dawn maybe (the legendary towel wizard)

          [–]OldGrendel 60 points61 points  (3 children)

          yes... I am old... i was already an adult when Heroes came out... idk what until dawn is or wtf a towel wizard is lmao!

          [–]Angryfunnydog 21 points22 points  (0 children)

          It’s an interactive movie (basically a game with a lot of cutscenes) - actually if you like slashers you should try it out - pretty cool experience and not demanding to be “pro gamer” or smth

          [–]RobieKingston201 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          Look up until dawn(it is a choice based survival game) magic Towel you'll understand xD

          [–]Ranger_Ecstatic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          If you're alright watching someone play a game, Markiplier has it.

          [–]RSalgadoAtala 12 points13 points  (2 children)

          She'll always be Kairi to me.

          [–]Herpderpkeyblader 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          I can hear it in her voice. I imagine kairi saying these lines and it's cracking me up.

          load more comments (1 reply)

            [–]youcallhimdoctajones 4 points5 points  (0 children)

            she is the coach’s daughter in Remember the Titans

            [–]Blayzted 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            Remember the titans?

            load more comments (1 reply)

              [–]TheBrainJudge 11 points12 points  (0 children)

              Slay the cheerleader, save the show!

              [–]IHateEditedBgMusic 93 points94 points  (15 children)

              Season 1 was peak

              [–]theajharrison 36 points37 points  (1 child)

              One of the victims of the writers strike

              Along with BSG season 3

              [–]m_0_rt 30 points31 points  (12 children)

              I've always said it's one of the best stand alone seasons of any show. And to anyone who has never seen I tell them to stop after season 1.

              [–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (9 children)

              Big disagree. It did have lots of downs but there was a lot to love as well. Hiro was great, Sylar was a genuinely terrifying and complex villain, and the complex story is a lot easier to follow when you can binge the show vs having to keep up with it as it was released.

              It definitely didn't live up to it's full potential, but I don't regret watching until the end, especially since season 4 was a big step up from season 3.

              [–]Flying_Toad 4 points5 points  (1 child)

              I remember liking the season with the earthquake circus dude. Basically only other watchable season.

              load more comments (4 replies)

                [–]CapmyCup 1550 points1551 points  (5 children)

                Didn't they teach you to empty your pockets and remove metal objects if possible?

                [–]Grindhouser 551 points552 points  (3 children)

                And not to keep your keys in your vagina?

                [–]Mercinator-87 94 points95 points  (1 child)

                It’s a natural vase.

                [–]Pure-Brief3202 7 points8 points  (0 children)

                Gold right here. Gold.

                [–]Then-Pizza 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                Beef pockets need to be emptied too.

                [–]savvyofficial 28 points29 points  (0 children)

                in this movie this scene is from her first day at a high school in a rough area but she’s from beverly hills. she has no prior experience with this likely (outside the airport?) but who knows.

                [–]___TheKid___ 1098 points1099 points  (20 children)

                Why is she so angry. He is just doing his job.

                [–]Complete-Painter-518 339 points340 points  (0 children)

                Cuz it's not pierced yet

                [–]dontpissmeoffplsnthx 270 points271 points  (12 children)

                Security is easily top 5 for pissing people off just for doing their job.

                I gotta buddy that works security at one of the Disney parks and every day he's gotta new story about a guest that got pissed off because their yipping chihuahua isn't allowed into the park, or they're not allowed to bring in a knife, or gun, or they've gotta bag that set off the metal detector and it turns out they're not exempt from the rules like they thought they were.

                [–]tepel-streeltje 55 points56 points  (7 children)

                Why the hell do you even need to have a knife or gun in disney land?

                [–]dontpissmeoffplsnthx 69 points70 points  (3 children)

                According to him, most guns, not all guns, but most are from off-duty cops who think they're above private property laws. Generally, they'll throw a fit, but Disney has a contract with the police department, and security will absolutely use their presence as leverage to either take it home and come back, or find themselves banned from all Disney parks.

                As for knives, apparently a lot of them get tossed into bushes when people see the metal detectors at the entrance. Naturally, Disney has cameras out the wazoo and they all get confiscated as soon as they're tossed. Drugs too, but that's a whole other story.

                As for why, who the fuck knows, maybe they think they'll be big damn heroes if terrorists attack, or maybe they think they'll get attacked by pirates over by the Pirates of the Carribean ride. Neither him nor I care to comprehend high-strung idiots.

                [–]Torbpjorn 21 points22 points  (2 children)

                Americans and their amendments I swear

                [–]Forsaken-Elevator-75 31 points32 points  (1 child)

                I’m American and the only weapons I’m taking into Disneyland will be my kids if I ever have any

                [–]fivelike-11 14 points15 points  (0 children)

                You monster, at least toss em by the bushes before you enter

                [–]Lucapi 4 points5 points  (1 child)

                Same reason you need them in any civilized part of the world.

                I don't know the reason why you need a gun unless you are part of active law enforcement though.

                As for knives, it depends. I can imagine a small knife being used to peel and cut fruit, cut pieces of yarn from clothing or cutting open a toddler to perform a sacred rite to Satan.

                load more comments (1 reply)

                  [–]onepassafistYo what? 12 points13 points  (1 child)

                  As someone who does do security contracting, can confirm. We do bars, arcades, clubs, apartments, you name it.

                  The amount of people who get pissed off that they can’t bring weapons into clubs/bars or get mad that they’re 28 and getting ID’d (if you look under 35 you’re supposed to get ID’d, idk why it’s 35, but it is). You also can’t have a broken ID, if it’s damaged, we aren’t supposed to take it- this could result in huge lawsuits. If you are acting aggressive as fuck to the bartender at a club and they cut you off and ask for you to be removed, don’t record me and saying youre gonna sue me and that you’re being “treated unfairly” 🤣🤣

                  [–]Fixthefernbacks 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                  Been in that situation before.

                  For those not in security let me lay this down.

                  Every bar, club, arcade, theme/amusement park etc... is private property, meaning the owner gets to decide everything that people can do in there within the law and who can enter the premises. Security are known as "agents of the owner" and act on the owners behalf.

                  So for any reason, security can remove you at any time and they can do so with the same authority that a home owner or tenant can kick out an unwelcome guest.

                  So yeah, screaming that you think it's unfair, filming it etc... none of that does anything or would hold up for a second in court. Security tells you to get out, you have no legal leg to stand on, you have to get out, if you refuse you can be physically thrown out, if you fight back you can be arrested for assault.

                  [–]Fixthefernbacks 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                  I dowork security and have done door duty with a metal detector before.

                  Here's a tip, giving the security this kinda attitude is a near guarantee that you're gonna get taken to another room and everything you got is gonna get searched. Don't matter what sorta hurry you're in or how unnessecary you think it is, security are agents of the owner and speak with the owners authority, their word is law and you can be arrested for refusing to comply.

                  So, just do what they're doing, just go through the motions, follow instructions and you'll have a LOT less headaches.

                  Also while on this, if you fail to slow down for road works, the guy holding the stop sign will stop and hold you even when it's totally clear on principle. They'll just radio through "this guy didn't slow down so I'm gonna hold em for a bit" and yes it is done just to fuck with you. So slow the fuck down.

                  load more comments (1 reply)

                    [–]taeilor 28 points29 points  (2 children)

                    she's not necessarily angry at him. in the movie, she just got uprooted from her perfect cheerleader life and is just mad at the situation and he's seemingly getting some excess attitude

                    [–]wargreymon_messatsu 26 points27 points  (0 children)

                    First world problems

                    [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                    Because Bring it On: All of Nothing is a really bad movie.

                    load more comments (1 reply)

                      [–]yilkertemel 496 points497 points  (11 children)

                      T*ktok ruined all kind of media. I don't get the point of cropping the video vertically and chopping more than half of the content? Are people no longer able to watch videos unless it's full screen in portrait?

                      [–]Leviathan41911 132 points133 points  (2 children)

                      My wife asked me to take her picture a few weeks ago and I helf my phone horizontally, and she says "no like a normal photo with the phone upright" ummm no... normal photos are horizontal lol.

                      [–]brainshortcircuited 41 points42 points  (0 children)

                      I mean... Portrait scale is acceptable, depends on the situation.

                      If I want to shoot something that is vertical (like a building or a standing person), I would prefer vertical sometimes, shows the focus on the object/person also avoid compensating the quality when shooting from a longer distance (My old phone made people look like in an oil painting when I shoot too far away, simply lacking pixels)

                      [–]Cupid-Fill 11 points12 points  (0 children)

                      I mean, let's just think about this for a second...

                      You were taking someone's photo and had the phone horizontal (aka landscape), and they asked you to turn it vertical (aka portrait)...

                      I'm afraid to tell you that in this case she was probably right, taking a portrait photo in portrait orientation is correct.

                      But hey, just don't tell her she was right or you'll never hear the end of it!

                      Also, for the most part I agree, people are lazy with their phones these days and too many photos are taken portrait with loads of sky & foreground when they would have been much better in landscape, unfortunately using a portrait subject as an example was your undoing 😊

                      [–]Ok_Breakfast_5459 20 points21 points  (0 children)

                      The video is in portrait mode to accommodate the vertical vagina.

                      [–]mbolgiano 27 points28 points  (4 children)

                      They're doing it to avoid copyright detection.

                      [–]wowzacowza 26 points27 points  (3 children)

                      Lol. No. They are cropping videos to appeal to mobile users

                      [–]MidasStrikes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      Well said.

                      [–]DaddyMeUp -1 points0 points  (0 children)

                      T*ktok

                      My god, people really that pressed over an app they have to censor it now 😭

                      [–]Markov219 58 points59 points  (5 children)

                      What is this from?

                      [–]Tiberius_Jim 92 points93 points  (3 children)

                      The movie is Bring it On: All or Nothing

                      [–]LisleSwanson 59 points60 points  (2 children)

                      Don't you slander the OG Bring it On like that. This is from the sequel.

                      [–]Tiberius_Jim 18 points19 points  (0 children)

                      Duly noted and edited.

                      [–]Voqus 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                      It's from the 3rd movie in the series, the sequel is Bring it On Again.

                      [–]OldGrendel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      i was wondering the same...

                      [–]Ijustlovevideogames 136 points137 points  (5 children)

                      That’s on you ma’am, why would you not take them out before hand?

                      [–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (6 children)

                      FYI, Hayden Panettiere was 16 or 17 when this was filmed.

                      [–]AnalDwelinButtMonkey[S] 23 points24 points  (5 children)

                      Well that's super fucked up

                      [–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (4 children)

                      Yeah, I watched it a couple months ago and it was really uncomfortable how sexualized she was.

                      [–]AnalDwelinButtMonkey[S] 12 points13 points  (3 children)

                      Why in gods name would you ever willingly watch this movie

                      [–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (2 children)

                      Weekly movie night group sometimes does great movies and sometimes bad ones. We pick a 3 week theme, and this one was Bring it On.

                      We'll be returning to numbers 4, 5, and 6 at some point. I'm excited that 6 is supposed to be a horror movie.

                      [–]AnalDwelinButtMonkey[S] 8 points9 points  (1 child)

                      Ok that's pretty sick

                      [–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

                      Yeah. We just finished 3 Satoshi Kon movies (Paprika, Perfect Blue, Memories), which were fantastic. It's hit or miss, but honestly some of the misses are more fun with this group (and a glass of whiskey).

                      A friend of ours made the lists for us when he was in hospice, so it's a fun way to remember him.

                      [–]hypotemused 27 points28 points  (4 children)

                      She was so hot back then

                      [–]LighthouseHLAKBR 24 points25 points  (1 child)

                      She's still a total babe.

                      [–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (1 child)

                      She was 16/17 when this was filmed.

                      [–]SaintCholo 12 points13 points  (0 children)

                      Shabooya roll call!

                      [–]Papa-P21 29 points30 points  (6 children)

                      Mhmm, hayden Panettiere will always be my WCW.

                      [–]BakedZnake 52 points53 points  (3 children)

                      She's your World Championship Wrestling?

                      [–]Welcm2goodburger 7 points8 points  (1 child)

                      Ohh yeaaa brother

                      [–]The_addicted_vacuum 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                      Snap into a slim jim

                      [–]Papa-P21 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

                      Woman crush Wednesday

                      [–]Fun-Vanilla-4467 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                      World championship wrestling?

                      [–]Babyfart_McGeezacks 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      So hot

                      [–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

                      It always annoyed me that Hayden got a bad rap for her build. I remember an episode of Tosh.O where he outright said she wasn't hot. Like yeah if you saw her in the store you'd stop in your tracks. Shut up.

                      [–]redefinedsoul 6 points7 points  (0 children)

                      1) You're stupid for not knowing this

                      2) omg you're SO stupid for not knowing this again!

                      3) oMfG wHy ThE fUcK wOuLd YoU eVeR tHiNk ThIs yOu pErVeRt

                      [–]pitb0ss343 14 points15 points  (0 children)

                      Why didn’t she take her keys out of her vagina?

                      [–]Chidzomba 11 points12 points  (0 children)

                      Seems like another episode of Blacked

                      [–]Glass_Hope_6900 19 points20 points  (0 children)

                      I was expecting a butt plug

                      [–]TheTVEditor 4 points5 points  (1 child)

                      What part of keys in the tray don’t you understand?!

                      [–]SpillingHotCoffee 3 points4 points  (3 children)

                      What happened to this actress? Used to see her everywhere. What's her name?

                      [–]AnalDwelinButtMonkey[S] 14 points15 points  (2 children)

                      Hayden Christensen

                      [–]SysOp21 10 points11 points  (1 child)

                      I cannot tell if you are joking or just a really funny mistype.

                      But I approve either way

                      [–]JayBbaked 4 points5 points  (1 child)

                      Bring it on- all or nothing 😏 found it- legit though I struggled

                      [–]AnalDwelinButtMonkey[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                      Star wars

                      [–]spezGobblesDicks 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                      keyussy

                      [–]Possible-Campaign-22 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      Nothing here was unexpected? That’s exactly the “joke” I expected after the ears

                      [–]Fantastic_frog_1264 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      <image>

                      [–]Solomon_Kane1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      If you can fit 3 fingers in your coochie then its a pocket💀💀💀

                      [–]p1xel_p4nd4 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      He's a perv because she didn't remove all metal items?

                      [–]Uniqueinsult 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      Bro said nothing and gets called a perv.

                      [–]Jango_Jerky 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      Yes hes a perv because the metal detector is working like its supposed to

                      [–]TheHurtfulEight88888 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      Why was she getting so upset?

                      [–]Detox259 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      I like how he literally said nothing and got yelled at

                      [–]Born-Disaster1548Yo what? 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Plot twist: it’s another piercing

                      [–]bonuspad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      I do have to wonder how many vaginal piercings and ben-wa balls have been detected.

                      [–]serginhofofoqueiro 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      🤨

                      [–]Not_Kenny-Loggins 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      90s movies be like

                      [–]SolCz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Save the cheerleader

                      [–]Malicairn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Unexpected: it's actually picking up a metal plug.

                      [–]Pitiful-Athlete-8373 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      He’s just doing his job- calling any random man is perv should be a crime

                      [–]OmdiAnomenkinshin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Just let him do his job damn

                      [–]Guilty_Wolverine_269 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      The key to heaven

                      [–]jump_rope 1 point2 points  (4 children)

                      I really don't get why this clip has so many up votes. It's not funny , clever or entertaining. I feel like I'm missing something

                      [–]AnalDwelinButtMonkey[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

                      You are missing something

                      [–]jump_rope 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                      Can you explain what I'm missing please ?

                      [–]AnalDwelinButtMonkey[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                      I really don't care, sorry mate

                      [–]jump_rope 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      Ok

                      [–]Ok-Condition9059 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      The keys to her monkey

                      [–]batmonkey7 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                      Umm Sher...lack? Moron

                      [–]AnalDwelinButtMonkey[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

                      Sherlock you dingus.

                      [–]batmonkey7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      It's meant to be Sherlock, but pretty sure she says Sherlack

                      [–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

                      The chick from Bring It On

                      [–]CTRL_ALT_DEL_ACCOUNT -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

                      This bitch was so fine. Probably still is. Holla at me!!!

                      [–]baguhansalupa -5 points-4 points  (1 child)

                      Guys imagine how petite she is.

                      Now google klitschko, world heavyweight champ.

                      He gets to rearrange her guts.

                      [–]Altruistic_Guide8676 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                      Google says this guy is fighting in Ukraine

                      [–]One-Wait7504 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

                      I boxed her ex-husband for 12 rounds to a draw in front of 40,000 fans at Veltins-Arena in Gelsenkirchen. True story.

                      [–]Sphinx87 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      You retired in the 9th.

                      [–]sugar_free-donut -1 points0 points  (0 children)

                      23-19!

                      [–]hshighnz -1 points0 points  (1 child)

                      Peak Boomer Humor (PBH).

                      [–]Moojokingg -1 points0 points  (0 children)

                      Interesting name OP

                      [–]fraazali123 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

                      How can a metal detector become prev while man holds it? Dumb blonde

                      [–]Thick_Buffalo_7526 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

                      OH NOW IM A PERV FOR ASSUMING WOOOOOWWW

                      [–]held_breath 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      He thought she was a fan of Steely Dan.

                      [–]ROMPEROVER 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                      Whatever happened to hayden panettiere

                      [–]SaraBee86 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      😂😂😂 This is too good

                      [–]daphuqijusee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      ​

                      Looked more like the metal in her button/zipper... but then I always ruin movie fun with logic! lol

                      [–]barbie_farts_88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      What's even more unexpected is that she was heavy into drugs and alcohol at this point in time and for a long time after and she kept it hidden so well.

                      [–]YouthSuitable213 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      Key to hiding anything, just say their piercings 😂

                      [–]N0DAMNG00D 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                      Name of this movie?

                      [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                      Bring It On: All or Nothing. But don't watch it if you like good movies

                      [–]LuckyAd8830 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      Maybe maybe maybe

                      [–]druuedd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      I felt like such a weird kid wanting to watching this because it’s a chick flic but I always thought she was soooo pretty so I’d sneak and watch this in the basement 😂 I had to be only like 9 or 10 🤣

                      [–]saikitama 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      Breathe Again - Afourteen

                      [–]Mrtowelie69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      Yeah because it's not like they ask you to remove any metallic objects before scanning you.

                      [–]monsieur_bi 0 points1 point  (2 children)

                      Movie name?

                      load more comments (103 replies)