Nothing is set in stone. Anything can change. People are angry. Let them be. I’m celebrating this.
No longer will we only be known by our 3.2-star rated strip clubs and decently fun water park. No longer will our most famous moment be when our mayor was found drunk and naked on a stranger’s lawn. And then re-elected.
The most significant construction project our city has seen since that one railroad crossing on Snow was turned into an underpass. The economic impact will be significant, especially for repairs shops as Brookpark Road swallows up tires from all those foolish enough to forgo a ride on our sparkling rapid system and drive to the stadium on game day.
Without a doubt, the airport and Brook Park rapid stations will be built up to rival the world’s greatest. Grand Central Terminal, King’s Cross, Shinjuku Station, and now CLEVELAND HOPKINS BAYBAY.
Our traditional cathedrals of Whisker’s Pub and Solid Gold Lounge will have to move aside if and when the Haslems announce a new DOMED stadium in our city limits, inevitably sponsored by Crazy Horse and Marc Glassman.
The Fun-For-Your-Money Bottle Service Dome will house our triumph and heartbreak until the National Football League ceases to be. Imagine Myles Garrett taking down Kenny Pickett in the backfield as time expires. Fireworks go off. A door flies off a Boeing coming in for landing and lands at midfield.
Inevitably Brook Park will host a Super Bowl (oh my god) and people from all around the country will marvel at the amazing sights our city offers: the Brook Park sign, our combination city hall/rec center, and that one restaurant made out of a train car.
Ladies and gentlemen, it is a new era. An era for US.
THE AGE OF BROOK PARK IS NOW.
