A gynaecologist had a burning desire to change careers and become a mechanic. So she found out from her local tech college what was involved, signed up for evening classes and attended diligently, learning all she could. When time for the practical exam approached, she prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, she was surprised to find that she had obtained a mark of 150%. Fearing an error, she called the instructor, saying "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there had been an error which needed adjusting."

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark. I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it THROUGH the muffler..."

Little Suzy raises her hand and says, "I am definitely going to the park after school today."

"No, I would think there's a good chance you'll go to the park but it might rain so it's not definitely."

Little Billy raises his hand and says, "My team are definitely going to win the game this Saturday."

"No, I know you really want your team to win the game this Saturday but wanting is not enough to make it definitely."

Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Miss, is there such a thing as a lumpy fart?"

"No."

"Then I definitely just shat myself."

1: Open a can of beer and try to smell it.

2: If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.

3: If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms you don't have Covid.

Last night, I did the test 15 times and all were negative. Tonight I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and feeling like I am coming down with something.

I am so nervous.