The Elrushbo Decree

I think it's already pretty clear that Rush Limbaugh is the nation's premier practitioner of the politics of eliminationism. It is a constant theme, of Limbaugh's, really; after all, nearly all of his shows are not so much to trumpet conservative ideals, except insofar as they reflect his larger project, which is the utter demonization and expulsion of liberalism.

So it was perfectly within character when reports recently surfaced (via Atrios) that he was recently caught wishing aloud again for the elimination of liberals from the nation altogether:

LIMBAUGH: We just had Stephen Breyer saying, oh, yeah, totally appropriate, we must import what they're doing around the world in other democracies, it will help buttress their attempt to establish the rule of law, and we might learn something, too. Well, here's something I'd like to import. I'd like to import the ability that the Brits are doing to export and deport a bunch of hate-rhetoric filled mullahs and imams that are stoking anti-American sentiment. Wouldn't it be great if anybody who speaks out against this country, to kick them out of the country? Anybody that threatens this country, kick 'em out. We'd get rid of Michael Moore, we'd get rid of half the Democratic Party if we would just import that law. That would be fabulous. The Supreme Court ought to look into this. Absolutely brilliant idea out there.

Nevermind, of course, that the British policy to which he refers strictly deals with foreign extremists. I'm sure that, in the interests of national security, such details can be overlooked when it comes to purging the nation of liberals, as far as Limbaugh is concerned.

What's that? You say this is only a joke? Riiiight. Now, tell me again: What kind of person would think this joke were actually funny?

The truth is, not only is El Rushbo perfectly serious, he actually has prepared a doctrinal statement in support of just such a policy. It's all hush-hush, of course, for now; but my impeccably placed sources have assured me that the following decree, obtained in the dead of night through old-fashioned investigative techniques, has issued directly from the pen of the Most Dangerous Man in America himself.

That's right, folks: An Orcinus exclusive. Secret Plans From Limbaugh's Secret Files!

Mind you, the plan contained herein appears to be contingent on other plans evidently already in the works -- indeed, it seems to have been written for events more than a decade ahead. Make of it what you will:

The ElRushbo Decree

You well know that in our Republican dominion, there are certain bad Americans that liberalized and committed apostasy against our holy Conservative faith, much of it the cause of communications between Liberals and Real Americans. Therefore, in the year 2006, we ordered that the Liberals be separated from the cities and towns of our domains and that they be given separate quarters, hoping that by such separation the situation would be remedied. And we ordered that and an Independent Counsel be established in such domains; and in twelve years it has functioned, the Independent Counsel has found many guilty persons. Furthermore, we are informed by the Independent Counsel and others that the great harm done to the Americans persists, and it continues because of the conversations and communications that they have with the Liberals, such Liberals trying by whatever manner to subvert our holy Conservative faith and trying to draw faithful Americans away from their beliefs.

These Liberals instruct these Americans in the ceremonies and observances of their Law, educating their children, and giving them books with which to read, and declaring unto them the theories of evolution, and meeting with them to teach them their false anti-American histories, and organizing environmentally conscious practices, including the hugging of trees and the saving of whales, and making them understand that there is no other law or truth besides it. All of which then is clear that, on the basis of confessions from such Liberals as well as those perverted by them, that it has resulted in great damage and detriment of our holy Conservative faith.

And because we knew that the true remedy of such damages and difficulties lay in the severing of all communications between the said Liberals with the Real Americans and in sending them forth from all our reigns, we sought to content ourselves with ordering the said Liberals from all the cities and villages and places of California, where it appeared that they had done major damage, believing that this would suffice so that those from other cities and villages and places in our reigns and holdings would cease to commit the aforesaid. And because we have been informed that neither this, nor the justices done for some of the said Liberals found very culpable in the said crimes and transgressions against our holy Conservative faith, has been a complete remedy to obviate and to correct such opprobrium and offense to the Conservative faith; because every day it appears that the said Liberals increase in continuing their evil and harmful purposes wherever they reside and converse; and because there is no place left whereby to more offend our holy faith, as much as those which God has protected to this day as in those already affected, it is left for the Master of All Megadittoes to mend and reduce the matter to its previous state inasmuch as, because of our frailty of humanity, it could occur that we could succumb to the diabolical temptation that continually wars against us so easily if its principal cause were not removed, which would be to expel the said Liberals from the kingdom. Because whenever a grave and detestable crime is committed by some members of a given group, it is reasonable that the group be dissolved or annihilated, the minors for the majors being punished one for the other; and that those who pervert the good and honest living on the cities and villages and who by their contagion could harm others, be expelled from the midst the people, still yet for other minor causes, that would be of harm to the Republic, and all the more so for the major of these crimes, dangerous and contagious as it is.

Therefore, with the council and advice of the eminent men and cavaliers of our reign, and of other persons of knowledge and conscience of our Supreme Council, after much deliberation, it is agreed and resolved that all Liberals and Leftists be ordered to leave our kingdoms, and that they never be allowed to return.

And we further order in this edict that all Liberals and Leftists of whatever age that reside in our domain and territories, that they leave with their sons and daughters. Their servants and relatives, large and small, of whatever age, by the end of July of this year, and that they dare not return to our lands, not so much as to take a step on them not trespass upon them in any other manner whatsoever. Any Liberal who does not comply with this edict and is to be found in our kingdom and domains, or who return to the kingdom in any manner, will incur punishment by death and confiscation of all their belongings.

We further order that no person in our Republic of whatever station or noble status hide or keep or defend any Liberal or Leftists, either publicly or secretly, from the end of July onwards, in their homes or elsewhere in our reign, upon punishment of loss of their belongings, vassals, fortresses, and hereditary privileges.

So that the said Liberals may dispose of their household and belongings in the given time period, for the present we provide our assurance of royal protection and security so that, until the end of the month of July, they may sell and exchange their belongings and furniture and other items, and to dispose of them freely as they wish; and that during said time, no one is to do them harm or injury or injustice to their persons or to their goods, which is contrary to justice, and which shall incur the punishment that befalls those who violate our royal security, unless of course you can make a profit off it, and then all bets are off.

Thus we grant permission to the said Liberals and Leftists to take out their goods and belongings out of our reigns, either by sea or by land, with the condition that they not take out either gold or silver or minted money or any other items prohibited by the laws of the Republic.

Therefore, we order all councilors, justices, magistrates, lawyers, ambulance-chasers, officials, and all our vassals and subjects, that they observe and comply with this letter and all that is contained in it, and that they give all the help and favor that is necessary for its execution, subject to punishment by our sovereign grace and by confiscation of all their goods and offices for our party statehouse.

And so that this may come to the notice of all, and so that no one may pretend ignorance, we order that this edict be proclaimed in all the plazas and usual meeting places of any given city; and that in the major cities and villages of the Republic, that it be done by the local radio talk-show host as well as all national radio talk-show hosts, and that neither one nor the other should do the contrary of what was desired, subject to the punishment by our sovereign grace and deprivation of their offices and by confiscation of their goods to whosoever does the contrary.

God Bless America.

Supposedly, this proposal has a historical precedent. Seems kind of far-fetched to me -- but then, my notions of "far fetched" have taken a beating in recent years ... In any event, what can you expect from anonymous sources?