This year, I decided to sign up for a trip with a women’s travel group. I’d hesitated so far because they are expensive, I was a WOC in her early 30s while the pictures for the groups typically were just white women in their 50-70s and also I felt self conscious about what it meant that I couldn’t find even one friend to travel with me. Then I hit 35. My job had moved past sucking to feeling unbearable. My one single friend and I couldn’t execute on even one of the three trips we tried to plan and I realized my parents and sister may not actively dislike me, but have full lives that don’t include me, whether it’s me in a complete car smash, me needing help after surgery, or me wanting to be with family at Thanksgiving rather than one of a crowd of people hanging out.

So I signed up for a trip, an adventure style trip which I hoped like hell I could keep up on, and I told myself that it didn’t matter who else was there and whether they’d like me because I was there to see the country and I’d traveled alone before. So no skin off my back if I was basically alone in a group cuz I still get a spot in the van and a seat at the table.

After coming home, I want to kick myself for being such a pessimist. I think it had just been so long since I wasn’t isolated or so long since I’d been in a woman-centric space that I just prepared for the worst. Thinking back, in college my dorm room was on a woman-only floor, my friend group in grad school, nearly all women hanging out at each others’ apartments and study rooms on campus. Daily access to friendly, smiling faces and people to consult or ask for advice. I had no idea how much I missed that because I had forgotten it was a thing.

On this trip: 10-15 women from late 20s to early 70s. Every one of them so kind, ready to joke, looking out for one another. And I’m not saying I made life long friends. I’m sure with time the group chat will go inactive, I’ll have to think a little to remember who that blonde lady on my FB friend list is, and the pictures we took will be stronger representations of what we did than my memories. But I had such a good time. I felt part of a group. I felt comfortable and supported as I tried physical activities I’d never considered doing before with each woman telling me - take your time, no woman left behind, there’s no rush, you’re doing great! I went from trying desperately to hide my fear or my exhaustion to relaxing and letting people see that I was vulnerable. And did so much more than I ever thought I could.

In fact, one of the ladies was like a walking talking hype machine - when her friend was sharing what she did for a living, she would not let that woman undersell herself. I was amazed at the difference between what she had initially said she did and IMPRESSIVE it was when the hype machine lady drew out the reality of what she actually did. And then when I shared my job? She did the same for me. Drew out details that showed I was more than just the basic title. Told me and everyone at the table how exciting and important my work is, how smart I must be. We lent medication, tampons, talked about food, exes and significant others, the barriers we’ve experienced in the work place, made dirty jokes, and “woo’d” without shame.

The end of the trip was full of hugs and tears and I was already thinking of which trip I wanted to sign up for next. I had been without real company for too long, especially the company of a female friend group, and taught myself that being alone was normal and that being an introvert meant it was too much as is to meet up with a friend once a week, talk to coworkers all day, and do a monthly friend group meet up. Yeah, I was lying to myself.

That was the best two weeks of this year for me and I didn’t see it coming. Women are amazing.

Edit on finding a travel/tour group: when I was down or wanting to dream a little, I would google “solo women’s travel group” or “best women only travel group” because I wanted to avoid solo tour groups that were really for singles. I looked at individual business websites and read travel articles which did summaries or reviews of popular groups. There are actually a lot of them And each has its own pros and cons and some have a style attached like luxury or adventure. I picked based on price point, available dates and the itinerary in the end. If you are interested, I recommend starting broad and then narrowing in on a trip and company that feels right for you! Happy Travels!