Culture, Race, and Ethnicity

This has been bugging me since Alison Brie was forced to apologize for voicing Diane Nguyen, a Vietnamese Amercian character from BoJack Horseman.

Simply put, I find the entire situation ridiculous. It is the nature of actors' job to play someone they are not! "Cancelling" performers for accepting a role when character's race, sexual orientation, ethnicity, religion, or other feature doesn't match that of the actor is just as absurd as, say, charging Claire Foy with lèse-majesté because she, a commoner, played Queen Elizabeth II.

Can you explain the reasons for outrage and change my view?

It seems to me that we’re getting more and more places using digital payment means to promote tipping in Australia. When you pay by card, you have to go through the tipping questions before being able to pay. Some places now have a QR code where you order and pay for your stuff at the table with no interaction from a server, and the process still asks for a tip. We need to fuck this shit off.

I (45f) come from an evangelical Christian family. From our young age we have been taught that girls should stay a virgin till their marriage. I grew up with this thought as well. I stayed the good girl that everyone thought I was. We weren't even allowed to see kissing in the movies. I got married at a very young age at 17 to a man who was 29 at that time. I got pregnant 5 times. I was always told that only a woman who is devoted to her husband and pleases him will go to heaven. I didn't even know women could have orgasms. Sex with him was always uncomfortable but in my mind if I denied him, I was committing a sin. I didn't even reject him when I was 5 weeks post partum. Though I should have but I was afraid of him.

In my mind he was a good husband because he didn't beat me. But he did financially and sexually abuse me. I was told that the more you suffer, the more likely you will be Lord's favorite. My breaking point came when I found my husband was having an affair. I confront him and he said to stay out of it. That he is a man and it is in his right to have multiple women. Even in the school that we went has taught us it is perfectly ok for a man to have multiple women but not for a woman to have multiple men because it messes their head.

For 5 years straight I had to endure my husband's infidelity, his abuse, his neglect. During this time, I got on the internet and met some other religious women who were taught the same. They made me realize that I am a human too, my feelings matter and what was happening to me it is not right. I didn't have a job and I never worked a day in my life so it was not possible for me to get a divorce. But someone told me that in my state I do not need a job to file.

And since I have been out of work for 20 years, I can easily get alimony. It was a long battle. Long story short, my parents disowned me. My husband has tried multiple times to delay the divorce but it was of no use. I got alimony but lost the custody of my kids. My oldest one doesn't want to talk to me. Our kids were hurt a lot. But I think it was for the best. Because I was still broke and a mess. It took me a while to build a foundation for myself. I am still not in a good place. I am in therapy.

After my divorce, I started dating. I casually dated few people. And people have given me way more love and affection than I have ever received in my own marriage. I will never forget that one guy who made me orgasm for the first time. I cried when that happened and he held me. In my marriage my husband rarely ever hugged me or showed affection towards me. I never knew my body could even do that. I didn't think I would be still desirable after my body was broken after having 5 kids. I wish I didn't get married sooner. I wish I dated a bit more before settling down. I can never get back the years I have lost. I think I am now a bit comfortable about sharing my story. I hope if one person sees this learns that marrying early and a virgin doesn't guarantee you a better life. I see a lot of people criticizing women and saying nonsense that a woman who is a virgin till her marriage will always be happy. But they never speak about how many of us are dying inside.

This post was inspired by a post on this subreddit where the OP asked reddit to change their view that young men not getting laid isn't inherently political.

I would argue that has been politicized by the likes of Steve Bannon, who despite being an evil sentient diseased liver, is an astute political animal and has figured out how to tap into young men's sexual frustration to bend them rightward.

But that's not what this post is about.

Please change my view that the left, the constellation of progressive, egalitarian, and feminist causes has been derelict in providing a counter to the aggrieved victimhood narrative. In fact, i would argue that the left has abandoned the idea that young men CAN be provided with a vision if healthy masculinity.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/real-men-dont-write-blogs/201003/boys-and-young-men-new-cause-liberals

Edit: well I won't say my view has been totally changed but there were some very helpful comments.

My big takeaway is that this is a subject being discussed in lefty spaces, but because the left is so big on consensus building, it's difficult for us to feel good about holding up concrete examples of what a "good man" looks like.

In contrast to the right, which tends to have a black and white thinking, it's an easy subject for then to categorically define things like masculinity. Even when they get it wrong.

The left is really only capable of providing fluid guidelines on this subject and as there are so many competing values, they're not as eager to make those broad assertions.

I still feel like the left MUST do better about finding ways to circumvent the hijacking of young men into inceldom, Tate shit, etc.. but it's a big messy issue.

To the people who wanted to just say, "boys don't need to be coddled" while saying "the left is more open to letting men be open", I think you need to read what you write before posting it. Feelings don't care about facts. If young men feel they're being left behind, that's a problem.

How is the feeling of constantly seeing people who are looking different than you? Do you like the feeling of working with various races of people everyday? Do you like, hate, or just be neutral to this, though?

I have always heard North Americans (esp. White North Americans) saying they (rather their families) are German, English, Italian, Irish, Polish, etc. Like Americans/Canadians are their nationality and those are their ethnic backgrounds. However, when Europeans hear or read some kind of this, they usually keep insisting Americans/Canadians don’t know how nationality works...

I recently hit the gym again after not going for about 8 years. (Only to rehab a sports injury).

Back when I used to gym regularly in my twenties it was a social place where strangers would chat to each other in between sets and strangers would spot other people at random.

None of that happens anymore. Also my wife warned me not to even look in the direction of a woman working out else i might get reported and kicked out of the gym. Has it gotten that bad?

Of course gyms back then had 1 or 2 pervs, but that didn’t stop everyone else from being friendly, plus everyone knew who the pervs were.

Edit: Holy crap, didn’t expect this to blow up like this. From the replies it seems it’s a combination of wireless earphones, covid, and tiktok scandals are the main reason gyms are less social than before.

For clarification, when I say chat between sets, I literally mean a handful of words. Sometimes it might be someone complimenting your form, or more commonly some gym bro trying to be helpful and correct your form.

No one’s going to the gym to chat about the latest marvel movie or what they did last weekend.

Eg. I’ve moved to freeweight shoulder press a month or two back and sometimes my form isn’t great without a spot. I might not be remembering correctly but back when I’d do free weights, if I was struggling to keep form I’m sure most of the time some stranger would come spot me for that set at random.

I currently work in an industry that relies heavily on tipping and without it many if not all the employees would not be able to sustain their lives without the extra income provided by tips. So obviously I love tips and really appreciate them. BUT, it is my view that tipping culture has gotten out of hand. I recently saw a New York Times article that talked about how tipping 20% is the minimum, which I think is absurd to expect from customers on a regular basis. I believe that the expectation of regular tipping is really just a way for companies/corporations to externalize the costs of paying employees a living wage and putting those costs on the customers. Which is bullshit. And let's be honest, it's kinda crazy to feel the need to tip someone who didn't really even provide a service for you, other than what is expected from them in the normal duties of their position. But if an employee goes above and beyond normal service, I feel a tip makes sense. So it's my view that the tipping culture in the US needs to be somehow systematically reined in and the cost of paying employees a living wage back in the companies/corporations where it belongs.

For me, it was a few years ago visiting a friend for a week outside of Boston. Several times I got scolded for calling a younger woman "ma'am". Here in the South USA, we call every woman, even dogs, ma'am.

I strongly believe that those calling people racist for having a specific hairstyle or wearing a specific style of clothing are assholes. Cultural appropriation isn't a thing. Cultural by it's very nature is meant to be shared, not just with people of one culture, but by people of every culture.

That being said, things such as blackface and straight up making fun of other cultures is not ok... But I wouldn't call that cultural appropriation. If I am white and want to have an afro cause I have curly hair and it looks good, or if I want to wear a kimono because I was immersed in japanese culture and loved the style and meaning, I should be allowed to with no repercussions.

I want to spend some time today telling my fellow Australians why you need to push back on the tipping culture that is starting to make its way into Australia,

I've lived in Canada since 2012. This is what I've learnt in the last ten years:

1. History and Tipping Amounts: Tipping here used to be only part of the service you would receive at restaurants and such. Contrary to Australia, almost every restaurant in North America is table service. You get seated by a hostess, then a waiter or "server" takes care of you for your meal. When you pay for your meal the waiter hands you a machine which has preloaded options for a percentage of the tip you want to give. In 2012, 15% was the standard tipping amount listed under "Good" on the machine. In the last five years that for some reason has changed, now 18% is the standard "Good" amount. Servers in North America used to be paid under the minimum wage, they could do this because of the money they made on tips.

2. Where we are today: Servers no longer get paid under the minimum wage, they get paid the standard minimum wage because of new wage laws that have been introduced over the years. However, the tipping you are expected to give your server has stayed exactly the same. Thus, it has created an entirely unfair system.
   Example: I used to work at a regular old tourist attraction in the Rockies. This attraction had a bunch of positions that were all pretty standard and even in terms of skill level such as ticket agent, interpretive guide, line cook and cafeteria staff. Everyone got paid the same basic hourly wage because they were all essentially entry-level jobs. The staff in one of these positions however were able to bank their entire paycheck without ever needing to touch it for day-to-day living. This was the cafeteria position, these colleagues lived 100% on the tips they "made". What did they do to earn said tips? Well, when the customers paid for their meal at the counter the machine prompted them with how much they would like to tip. That's it. Tipping has created an unfair system in the country.

3. Tipping is spreading like a disease: It's everywhere now. Businesses have realized that if you put a machine in front of someone when they're paying and it prompts for a tip, THEY WILL TIP. In my local town, I am now prompted to tip at my hairdresser, fast food (Subway and Freshi) as well as almost every coffee shop in town. At a local coffee shop in town, they have drip coffee that you pour yourself, the counter staff give you a cup. That's right, you are handed an empty cup and then prompted for a tip on the machine. It's completely out of control.

4. How tipping weakens industries: I used to work at a luxury hotel. Inside this hotel, there was a standard hotel lounge. I saw colleagues people leave good departmental positions (Accountant, Night Manager and others) to go and work entry-level serving jobs simply because of the tips. Thus the lure of tipping prevented these people from pursuing actual career positions. Tipping sucks people out of career pathways.

5. It makes service worse: Every time you tip when you're prompted on a machine, you are creating a culture of giving people tips for doing the job they are already paid for. It's completely different than when you provide a surprise tip for someone who went out of their way because they were awesome. Instead, servers just expect tips and the effort/service is inferior because of it. I've moved back and forth between Oz and Canada for the last ten years, I can assure you that customer service is better in Australia.

I was home in Australia over Xmas. I was prompted to tip a few times at the end of my meal, I see tipping culture coming to Australia and there needs to be pushback. Unless you want to be prompted for tips at Subway in ten years, for the love of god, tip 0% if you are ever given a machine and it asks how much you want to tip.

If anyone else has lived in Canada/USA and feels the same, feel free to share your thoughts.

I read a lot of speculative fiction (science fiction/fantasy/etc.), and there's a trope that happens sometimes where a culture realizes through archaeology or by finding lost records that they actually are missing a huge chunk of their history. Not that it was actively suppressed, necessarily, but that it was just forgotten as if it wasn't important. Some examples I can think of are Pern, where they discover later that they are a spacefaring race, or a couple I have heard of but not read where it turns out the society is on a "generation ship," that is, a massive spaceship traveling a great distance where generations will pass before arrival, and the society has somehow forgotten that they are on a ship. Is that a thing that has parallels in real life? I have trouble conceiving that people would just ignore massive, and sometimes important, historical events, for no reason other than they forgot to tell their descendants about them.

So many companies are putting out PR to set the stage for forcing employees back into the office. Why?

Previously, businesses said full time remote work would ruin productivity and the cost to put the infrastructure in place was too high. Well, covid forced the infrastructure to be put in place and drops in productivity didn’t happen. Now business and government are saying they want to preserve company and work culture. And they’re making all these veiled threats about losing out on promotions and being converted to contract employees. Wtf?

I have never been more productive or happy since I started working from home. A small minority of people want to go back to the office. My company has the surveys to prove it. Why force people to do something they don’t want to do, that actually makes them LESS productive, exhausted, and sucks up their free time? Commuting is terrible for the environment, and for employees’ wallets. Why force us back into the office so a vocal minority can have their social hour back at lunch?

I don’t give a shit about company culture. I like having extra money in my pocket. I like not having to spend an extra two hours of my day sitting in traffic. Fuck these CEOs and managers that are forcing employees back into offices because of “culture.”

I’m in a multi-day light-hearted debate with my dutch fiancé about Australian culture. She’s been here 1 year and believes Australia has no culture. Mostly she’s referring to the day to day stuff that transcends background. For example the dutch are mad about bicycles, it’s a part of their national identity, If you live there long enough chances are you’ll participate.

Although I’m open to hearing about what the ideal state of our culture should be - indigenous culture is extremely underrepresented - I’d prefer to keep the thread about the current state.

All valid arguments will be delivered over a bunnings sausage on Saturday.