This Sunday I’m doing a Second-Chance Book Tour and that means we’re having fun at Nowhere and you need to come because I’m bringing the most ridiculous gifts for you. Keep reading for details.
And if you can’t make it to San Antonio you can still be part of it because I’ll be signing books for you too and if you order online this weekend you can get 20% off my signed books using the code SURPRISEME. Just let me know what you want me to sign when you order your books, but be aware that if you say “dealers choice” you may get something insane. Need proof? I was going to share some of my recent autographs here but it was too image heavy so I put them on instagram if you want to click through the slides to see 70 examples of why I shouldn’t be left unattended with books and markers:
And I just did a live instagram video to show you everything we’re doing on Sunday and it was a mess but very indicative of everything I do, so here you go:
Also, some people have asked me why we keep porn in the kids section and I’m baffled too because we don’t even keep porn in the porn section. In fact, we don’t even have a porn section. Sorry to disappoint. I assume this is really about LGBTQ+ books? Or maybe it’s about science-based books for children that discuss where babies come from? Or maybe The Very Hungry Caterpillar was just too phallic? No idea.
We also have at least three items in the store that don’t have expletives written on them but we are considering investing in a label-maker so that we can remedy that, and (if requested) our baristas can probably write creative swears on your coffee cups.
Nowhere is a reflection of the team who creates it and almost every week I have someone tell me how happy they are to find a safe and inclusive space where they can explore new worlds and learn and hide away in the stacks or read and connect with other like-minded weirdos. That said, I do have friends and family who consider themselves somewhat conservative who really love the bookshop, even if not all the books speak to them. Some of them are slowly growing to appreciate that reading about race, or sexuality, or feminism or any of the hard subjects that we may fear can lead to a greater understanding of the human race and help how we can celebrate our diversity and create compassion for others and ourselves. And some of them just like our offensive sock collection and wine and would prefer I stop correcting their pronoun usage but are grudgingly getting used to it and I appreciate it. If we celebrate diversity we have to celebrate that each of us brings our own perspective and knowledge and flaws and that is a lovely thing. I hope to see you Nowhere.
Sorry I disappeared for a little. I don’t know if it was depression or a weird physical sickness but either way I sort of fell apart for a little bit. Feeling tentatively better, but I’m also noting that it’s November and if you’re anything like me it means you need to unpack your light therapy lamp right this second and stop putting it off. Do it now. Done? Awesome. Let’s talk about books.
And I know what you’re thinking…five generations of women? Isn’t that hard to follow? And it would be if the characters weren’t incredibly unique and well-rounded. Also, one of them is a bison.
Additionally, it’s apparently delicious, as Hunter S. Thomcat has tried to eat it several times.
It sounds like a strange sort of book, and it is, but in a really intriguing and important way that I loved.
The Paleontologist is an atmospheric sort of mystery about a haunted paleontologist who returns to the museum where his sister was abducted years earlier and is faced with a terrifying and murderous spirit. I’m not going to tell you anymore because I don’t want to spoil anything. And if you’re a member of the club your November book is going to come with this fantastic book bag. Whoop!
(By the way, we currently have spots available in both clubs if you want in before the new year.)
Need more than one book to get though the month? Me too, friend. Here are a few November releases I enjoyed:
Starling House by Alix E. Harrow – A grim and gothic new tale from author Alix E. Harrow about a small town haunted by secrets that can’t stay buried and the sinister house that sits at the crossroads of it all.
The Mystery Guest by Nita Prose – When I finished Nita Prose’s The Maid I was like, “Can we get a sequel?â€? AND WE GOT A SEQUEL. When an acclaimed author dies at the Regency Grand Hotel, it’s up to a fastidious maid to uncover the truth, no matter how dirty—in a standalone novel featuring Molly Gray.
The Manor House Governessby C.A. Castle – This spirited debut pays homage to the British classics—with a genderfluid protagonist and 21st-century twist—perfect for fans of Emily M. Danforth and Andrew Sean Greer.
The Madstoneby Elizabeth Crook – With echoes of Lonesome Dove and News of the World, the story of a pregnant young mother, her child, and the frontier tradesman who helps them flee across Texas from outlaws bent on revenge, even as an unlikely love blossoms.
The Bittlemores by Jann Arden – Some tough themes (child and animal abuse) but Jann Arden is always worth reading.
The Last Love Note by Emma Grey – In the aftermath of crushing grief, sole parent Kate Whittaker must learn to live and love again. I’m not usually a romance fan but this one caught my attention and kept it.
The Favorites by Rosemary Hennigan – This book was listed as “dark acadamia� and I thought that meant boarding school horror but turns out it was about the abuse of privilege and power and I liked it even though I kept waiting for the vampires who never showed up.
Mimi’s Tales of Terrorby Junji Ito – Nine true stories and urban legends brought to you by the master of weird horror.
Iron Flame by Rebecca Yarros – I haven’t actually finished this one yet because I just picked my copy up but this the sequel to Fourth Wing, which I really loved.
Happy reading and thank you for supporting Nowhere Bookshop! We wouldn’t exist without you.
I’m not here right now because I’m a little bit mentally bleh and I’m sort of too tired to explain so instead just go to my substack if you want. It’s open to everyone and if you don’t want to get emails from me you can just click “no thanks” when it asks if you want to give your email and it’ll let you straight in.
I thought I’d write a little day-in-the-life piece because I always see fancy magazines do that with important people who are not me and who have their shit together, but then I got distracted and now I think it’s more like 38-hours-in-the-life-of? Fuck it. Let’s start.
Took Dorothy Barker for a walk and found a dead lizard frozen in the road. I picked it up and put it in my pocket and then I forgot it was there because I forgot to take my ADHD meds because I have ADHD.
I only remembered later when I put my hand in my pocket and discovered that the lizard was twitching, and was in fact, only mostly dead because I guess I have some sort of secret resurrection powers? Or maybe it was just frozen before and I thawed it out. This is exactly why women need more pockets. We’re saving lives.
Regardless, I carried it inside because it was freezing outside and Victor was less impressed by my possible resurrection talents and more confused that I’d put a dead lizard in my pocket in the first place and I explained that I thought it was poisonous. Victor then had more questions and pointed out that if anything it would be “venomous” rather than “poisonous” because things are only poisonous if you bite them…not if they bite you…and I already knew it wasn’t venomous, but I was worried that it had died because it had been poisoned and then a dog would eat its corpse and get second-hand poisoned like a deadly turducken.
We put it in a cage to wait for the cold snap to clear and I put it on the counter where I keep all the books I need to read (don’t judge me) until Ferris Mewler started getting nosy, so I put Lizzard Borden in my bedroom with soap operas on because that was always nice to watch when I was home sick as a kid.
Went to the grocery store where I was very confused by this Star Wars bag that said “Have a Ghoul-Actic Halloween” because is Darth Vader back from the dead and hungry for human flesh?
Because that’s what a ghoul is.
I asked Victor and he said it was just a pun on “galactic” and I got that because I’m not an idiot, but clearly Vader is decomposing and possessed and it doesn’t seem like something Lucas Arts would approve unless maybe I’d missed this part of the story, but Victor was like, “I don’t think that grocery store bag is canon” and we agreed to disagree.
On the way home I saw this lady walking her dogs who were not eating possible poisoned lizard popsicles and I wanted to yell “YOU’RE WELCOME” but instead I just appreciated her Tick costume, until Victor said she was supposed to be Wolverine. And he’s probably right but it feels like a really wasted opportunity to have The Tick walking a bunch of dogs.
This is the part where I did a lot of work while watching horror movies in the background and that part’s boring so I’ll skip it, except to say that Dorothy Barker often sits on my lap and paws at my keyboard to “help” or to tell me to pet her, but this time she was so exhausted she fell asleep and so I had to stop working so I wouldn’t disturb her, because this is the rule of dogs.
Then I had three groups of trick-or-treaters come to the door but only one group was wearing costumes and I think I’m turning into an old lady because the social contract states that you need to wear a costume or at least say “Trick or treat!” and not just, “Hey” but I still gave everyone candy and then I ate every Almond Joy left in the bag and went to sleep with a lizard who was having a really weird day.
Then Hailey called to tell me they were at the police station and I woke up immediately, but turns out they were there with their sweetheart doing a trunk-or-treat and wanted me to know they were having a good time. and I thanked God that their college years are so much more tame than mine ever were.
And in the morning I let Lizzard Borden go next to the shrub I think he lives in and I can only imagine the stories he had to tell his wife who would never believe him, and how sad he’d probably be to never know what happens next on Guiding Light.
I realize it looks like I hung a dead lizard in my bush (not a euphemism) but I assure you I just caught him mid-leap.
I’ve just read this all back and I think I figured out why no one has ever done a day-in-the-life of me yet.
PS. Forgot to add…got a picture of my favorite costume of the year from my friend Jennifer who went as…an Indie Bookshop:
This Halloween feels very different because it’s the first one where Hailey isn’t here to dress up so in true empty-nest fashion I decided that Hunter S. Thomcat would be a fair substitute, especially since he actually enjoys wearing hats and costumes. And it was awesome.
Except that Hunter is a pleasingly plump cat and every time he moved his dress would pop open. (Relatable.)
He was not pleased. Although it really helped him nail the angry Wednesday Addams look.
So we pivoted.
And I was quite pleased until I realized that I also was popping out of my dress and the wig was uncomfortable so instead I’m switching to an obscure literary costume that probably no one will understand but if you do we need to be friends immediately because we had the same weird-ass childhood.
Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.
Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.
Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.
Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.
How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.
Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic
Sarah Linn on Medium: Humorist or unstable person with an internet connection? You decide.
Uncommon Creatures Digital Portraits: Animal art inspired by Earth’s most magical creatures. Got your own beloved pet you’d like to memorialize? Have no fear… let me turn your fur-baby into a work of art.
