IT IS NOT THE AUSTRALIAN WAY

Floods? Oh yeah, we're happy to help. It's what makes Australia great, our willingness to band together when our fellow countrymen are in trouble and put every hand to the tiller to help out. It's mateship, it's the Australian way, it's what makes us unique among nations, our eagerness to help, our can-do spirit, our indefatigable love of pitching in to see our friends through a rough spot.

So absolutely we'll help. We'll work as hard as we can, we'll give till it hurts, we will do everything that is humanly possible to help you poor buggers get back on your feet again. 'Cos we're Australians, and Australians lend a hand when times are tough. With you all the way.

Oh great! Then would you mind perhaps just paying a little bit extra tax for a short while?

HOW DARE YOU WHAT A DISGUSTING NOTION THAT IS COMPLETELY UN-AUSTRALIAN GO TAKE SOME MONEY FROM SOMEONE ELSE LEAVE ME ALONE YOU GREEDY BASTARDS

They Breed 'Em Tough At News Ltd

In today's Herald Sun, prominent columnist/ironman Alan Howe has pointed out how Anna Bligh, in her attempts to cheer up Queenslanders, has revealed the dark, rotten heart of her innate racism. Bligh stands exposed for what she is: racist against Victorians. And possibly Tasmanians and maybe West Australians. Not New South Welsh though, who are pussies.

But the machinations of vicious premiers who use tragedies as opportunities to promulgate their grubby vote-pulling bigotry aside, one part of Howe's think-piece struck me as particularly intriguing:

Not long ago a Queensland Liberal leader went by the name of Denver Beanland, such was the dearth of talent in conservative ranks.

The logic seems to go like this:

1. The Liberal Party had a leader called Denver Beanland.
2. People called Denver Beanland are innately untalented.
3. Therefore, the Liberal Party has no talent.

I'm just wondering what process Howe went through in developing this "funny name=incompetence" theory, and if he could share the workings of his mighty brain with his readers.

I mean, I can see the theory's explanatory power clearly enough: "Why are some politicians talented and some not? Because the untalented ones have names that Alan Howe thinks are odd". It all fits like the cogs of a beautiful watch. I just want to learn more about the process, so I can one day aspire to be an intellectual too, like Alan.

My Life As A Fabulous Prize

If you are an aspiring writer or a lover of writing looking to make a contribution to recovery efforts for the Queensland floods, Writers On Rafts is the Queensland Writers' Centre's initiative to pull together a collective of writers and wandering publishing-folk to chip in.

Head to the site to check it out - essentially you buy a ticket for $5 and thereby gain a chance to win a writerly prize in one of four categories.

The categories:

Author Visit - where you have a writer of your choice visit your writers' group, book club or school.

Writer Support - a one-on-one workshop, writing session or manuscript assessment from the writer or industry bod of your choice.

Character Name - have your chosen writer name a character in their next book after you.

Book Pack - Win a stack of books from your chosen author, personally signed.

And then there's the Super Special Prize Draw!

All the details of the competition are on the site, and it is raising money for a very, very good cause - all money goes to the Queensland Premier's Flood Relief Appeal. You can enter as many times as you like in as many categories as you choose - the more you enter the more chance you have to win.

As you may have surmised, I am myself a prize in this competition, but there are loads and loads of other high-class slabs of writer up for grabs - like Benjamin Law, Emily Maguire, First Dog On The Moon, Nick Earls, Markus Zusak, Morris Gleitzman, Peter Fitzsimons, Tara Moss, Jessica Rudd (!), Marianne de Pierres, Bec Sparrow, Mem Fox, Kathy Lette, Toni Jordan, and oh so many many more. Tons to choose from.

So do check it out, it's kinda cool.