A lot of you are probably thinking, hey, I certainly love listening to the Gather Around Me podcast starring Ben Pobjie and Cam Smith, which I subscribe to on iTunes and totally listen to all the time, and I especially love the latest episode wherein Ben and Cam read a Choose Your Own Adventure book and invite ME to select where the story will take them next - but there are times when I wish I could know more about the process behind the GAM podcast and its wild popularity.
WISH. NO. MORE. Because here is:
MY DAY AS A PODCASTER BY BEN
6.05am: Arrive at the GAM offices, where I am greeted by Esther, our hard-working secretary. She gives me my daily iron pills and flirts outrageously with me, and we have a good laugh.
6.08am: Enter the GAM Control Centre, where Cam screams at me for being late.
6.09am: Cam, sobbing, begs for my forgiveness for being angry, and then takes a short nap.
6.10-6.30am: Catch up on GAM email. Delete spam and offers of marriage from men, move offers of marriage from women into special folder. Agree to every offer of corporate sponsor. Reply to sexy emails from Packed to the Rafters cast members with equally sexy emails.
6.45am: Cam wakes up. I subdue him with a soothing voice and pleas to drop the knife.
7-10am: Planning session for new podcast. We storyboard each episode meticulously on butcher's paper, then transfer the storyboard to our 3D clay puppet board. We then make a crude animation of the podcast, edit and score it, and play it back to see if we think it will fly as a quality Gather Around Me instalment. We do this several times until we have what we call "GOLD". We then record a rough guide vocal using this script, so our orchestra can follow it.
10-11am: Orchestra session. All the music is written by Cam, but in a strange code that only he knows, so he has to hum it to the orchestra and they play it back. Normally a recording session will be done in the nude, and Cam usually assaults at least six musicians before it's over.
11-11.30am: Meeting with lawyers to discuss Cam's defence for assault trial.
11.36am: Cam begs me to let him cut my hair. I refuse, but he goes ahead anyway.
11.45am: Cam starts sobbing again.
12pm: Lunch, eaten on opposite sides of a picnic table in a nearby park, neither of us willing to take our eyes off the other. Between bites of his salami toastie, Cam threatens to kill me several times.
12.45-3pm: Sex.
3-4pm: Recording of the podcast. Cam does the whole thing in a thick Russian accent, and insists on having his "manager", a 17-year-old boxer named Michelle, sitting beside him the whole time. Today's podcast is examining the issue of aged-care funding, but three minutes in we get sidetracked by wondering which sea animal it would be preferable to be raped by, and we never really get back on-topic. By the end of the hour Cam is incredibly drunk and claims he is my biological mother. he then beats me savagely.
4.15pm: Over-dubbing and adding of wacky sound effects.
4.30pm: Daily prayers. At GAM we have a new religion each week to keep things fresh. This week's is Shinto.
4.45-5pm: Sex.
5.15pm: Breakfast.
6pm: Cam asks for my hand in marriage, but immediately rescinds the offer, displaying crossed fingers. He then beats me savagely.
6.30pm: Esther screams with exasperation and hurls herself through a plate-glass window. Later on she confesses it was because "YouTube was being slow".
6.45pm: Wash dishes and genitals.
7pm: Kiss Cam goodnight and shampoo his beard.
7.30pm: Hit the streets, out for a good time.
8pm: Become caught in a deadly game of cat and mouse with international arms traders.
8.15pm: Dessert and bed.
That's SHOWBUSINESS folks!
Showing posts with label Cam Smith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cam Smith. Show all posts
Friday, April 20, 2012
Friday, January 15, 2010
In Case You Hadn't Heard
Yes, The Rue McClanahan Hour is no more. Due to a disagreement with Triple R management - we thought we weren't disgustingly offensive and irretrievably unfunny, and they disagreed - our radio show was canned after two episodes. We apologise, since we do know there were people who were actually enjoying our little stint Make sure you tune in to Triple R from February on in our timeslot, every Monday 7pm Eastern time, as the Lime Champions will be back, and that's a quality show.
I won't go into too much detail as to the details behind the canning, suffice to say there were irreconcilable differences.
BUT the Gather Around Me podcast starring Ben Pobjie and Cam Smith continues, and there is a brand-new one, in which the Triple R "Kerfuffle" (call-back) is discussed. Go to Gather Around Me both for downloads and hilarious bloggettes.
Do not listen if you don't like hearing the word "rape", or you have a soft spot for hypothetical cats.
Should you be craving even more of the squeezings of my brain, check out my first newmatilda article of the year, in which I tackle the important and delicious issue of whaling.
This is a wonderful read. As "scepticcritic" says:
And as you read the article, maybe you'll ponder that question. WHY?
Furthermore, there's my latest review of weekly doings for the ABC, in which are discussed koalas, farmers, starvation, sailing, Indians, earthquakes and zany Christians.
To get the man in the street's typical reaction to this piece, why not ask "david hicks":
You're a fine one to talk, David. Glass houses, my friend, glass houses.
Or consider the opinion of "Crepitus":
OK, firstly, I can't really match wits with those who would agree with Miranda Devine. Intellectualism is not my god.
Secondly, what the sulphur-crested fuck is with people who don't like my articles being unable to spell my name. My name which is ON THE GODDAMN PAGE THEY ARE READING AT THE TIME THEY ARE COMMENTING. I mean, this isn't someone hearing my name and being unable to determine the correct spelling. This is someone who is incapable of directly copying down six letters in a row.
And why do people put an R in my name? I've never understood that? Do they assume I must actually have the terribly common everyday name "Probjie" that most people know and love?
Jesus.
Anyway, much as I have never belittled rape victims, Muslims or the mentally ill on the radio, I have never scoffed at the Haitian earthquake on the ABC website. Read closely and you'll notice this fact.
In fact, you don't even have to read that closely. Just don't be a cretin.
That aside though, I am pretty irrelevant and unfunny. Luckily I have a weekly appointment wherein I sexually gratify the entire ABC board in a disabled toilet in Box Hill, so my job there's pretty safe.
With newmatilda, it's mainly the high-grade heroin I mail to them that keeps on the site.
In summary: spell my fucking name right, for Christ's sake. It's really starting to piss me off.
And now, on a lighter note:
I'm a FATHER, guys. Don't you realise how much the criticism hurts my children?
I won't go into too much detail as to the details behind the canning, suffice to say there were irreconcilable differences.
BUT the Gather Around Me podcast starring Ben Pobjie and Cam Smith continues, and there is a brand-new one, in which the Triple R "Kerfuffle" (call-back) is discussed. Go to Gather Around Me both for downloads and hilarious bloggettes.
Do not listen if you don't like hearing the word "rape", or you have a soft spot for hypothetical cats.
Should you be craving even more of the squeezings of my brain, check out my first newmatilda article of the year, in which I tackle the important and delicious issue of whaling.
This is a wonderful read. As "scepticcritic" says:
How can you consider yourself any sort of authentic political satirist when you group ‘black people’ in a separate category from ‘humans"? If you can’t even respect the diversities within your own species I doubt you can do much for the whales.
And as you read the article, maybe you'll ponder that question. WHY?
Furthermore, there's my latest review of weekly doings for the ABC, in which are discussed koalas, farmers, starvation, sailing, Indians, earthquakes and zany Christians.
To get the man in the street's typical reaction to this piece, why not ask "david hicks":
There is a lot that is hugely distasteful about this article
You're a fine one to talk, David. Glass houses, my friend, glass houses.
Or consider the opinion of "Crepitus":
I think Miranda Devine sums up Ben Probjie when she calls him "puerile".(Click on Ben's CV)
Judging from his article, I would add "unfunny and irrelevant" but then I have never heard of Ben till now. He has some work to do if he wants to become relevant and be taken seriously as a comedian or satirist.
To scoff at the Haitian catastrophe is heartless. He had nothing worth while to say about the whaling issue on which he is biased anyway. Does he really want us to go to war with Japan over blubber? Sounds a bit like the War of Jenkins Ears.
OK, firstly, I can't really match wits with those who would agree with Miranda Devine. Intellectualism is not my god.
Secondly, what the sulphur-crested fuck is with people who don't like my articles being unable to spell my name. My name which is ON THE GODDAMN PAGE THEY ARE READING AT THE TIME THEY ARE COMMENTING. I mean, this isn't someone hearing my name and being unable to determine the correct spelling. This is someone who is incapable of directly copying down six letters in a row.
And why do people put an R in my name? I've never understood that? Do they assume I must actually have the terribly common everyday name "Probjie" that most people know and love?
Jesus.
Anyway, much as I have never belittled rape victims, Muslims or the mentally ill on the radio, I have never scoffed at the Haitian earthquake on the ABC website. Read closely and you'll notice this fact.
In fact, you don't even have to read that closely. Just don't be a cretin.
That aside though, I am pretty irrelevant and unfunny. Luckily I have a weekly appointment wherein I sexually gratify the entire ABC board in a disabled toilet in Box Hill, so my job there's pretty safe.
With newmatilda, it's mainly the high-grade heroin I mail to them that keeps on the site.
In summary: spell my fucking name right, for Christ's sake. It's really starting to piss me off.
And now, on a lighter note:
I'm a FATHER, guys. Don't you realise how much the criticism hurts my children?
Thursday, December 31, 2009
The Rue McClanahan Hour
The first Rue McClanahan Hour on Triple R, hosted by myself and Cam Smith, went off without a hitch, unless you count Cam's awful taste in music and his ignorance of Brittany Murphy's career trajectory.
You DO NOT want to miss the next episode, as it will be the one in which we:
a) reveal our secret identities, and
b) party with hot chicks
It's laughter, it's banter, it's wondrous tales of magic and incredibleness, it's occasional swearing and a burgeoning bromance that warms the cockles of the heart and vice versa.
You can listen to it on 102.7FM in Melbourne, and worldwide you can listen to it at http://www.rrr.org.au.
Or go to http://gatheraroundme.libsyn.com, which is where the podcast of the first show (sans music) is right NOW, and where future episodes will be posted as they arrive. That's also, of course, where you can download all previous Gather Around Me podcasts, and bonus tracks. Keep up to date on GAM and RMH news by checking out Cam's and my joint blog, http://gatheraround.me. But of course you're all devoted enough to know this already.
Don't forget, The Rue McClanahan Hour, Mondays in January, 7pm Australian Eastern Daylight Time and so forth. Go listen, sweetcakes.
You DO NOT want to miss the next episode, as it will be the one in which we:
a) reveal our secret identities, and
b) party with hot chicks
It's laughter, it's banter, it's wondrous tales of magic and incredibleness, it's occasional swearing and a burgeoning bromance that warms the cockles of the heart and vice versa.
You can listen to it on 102.7FM in Melbourne, and worldwide you can listen to it at http://www.rrr.org.au.
Or go to http://gatheraroundme.libsyn.com, which is where the podcast of the first show (sans music) is right NOW, and where future episodes will be posted as they arrive. That's also, of course, where you can download all previous Gather Around Me podcasts, and bonus tracks. Keep up to date on GAM and RMH news by checking out Cam's and my joint blog, http://gatheraround.me. But of course you're all devoted enough to know this already.
Don't forget, The Rue McClanahan Hour, Mondays in January, 7pm Australian Eastern Daylight Time and so forth. Go listen, sweetcakes.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
If that's what turns you on
Apart from the explicit racism and violent pornography, the worst thing about reading this blog is that you can only read it with your eyes, not your ears.
To read me with your ears, go here, where you can hear me podcasting away with Cam Smith, well-known scruffy disreputable communist.
It's audio-tastic!
To read me with your ears, go here, where you can hear me podcasting away with Cam Smith, well-known scruffy disreputable communist.
It's audio-tastic!
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