As Mr. Wonka’s elevator rose higher and higher into the sky, Charlie looked down and could see the factory getting farther away, and all the buildings growing smaller and smaller. Mr. Wonka turned to him and said, “Charlie, this factory, it’s yours. . . .” But, as he was talking, the elevator started to shake and made a scary beeping noise. Charlie’s grandfather grabbed Mr. Wonka and said, “We’re going down!” as the elevator began to drop, and all three of them indeed plummeted down, down, down to their deaths. What a predicament Mr. Wonka had got himself into. But, also, wasn’t this kind of on him for making such a ridiculous elevator?
Rainbow Fish finally decides to share, and gives one of her sparkly scales to a fish who doesn’t have any. She feels good about it. Charitable, even. But then she accidentally brushes up against some poisonous sea kelp and the scale-less spot gets infected. A day later, Rainbow Fish can barely move. Her body grows weaker and weaker as the poison courses through her little fish body. She calls for a fish ambulance, but the fish ambulance won’t come because she doesn’t have insurance, and hospitals won’t accept rainbow scales as payment. She shakes her fin and says, “I knew I shouldn’t have given my rainbow scale away!” Those were her last words. And that’s why you never share anything with anybody!
Clifford bounded through the yard with the children riding on his back, squealing with glee. But Clifford bounded a little too fast and a little too hard, and, just as the children’s father came out to check the mail, Clifford realized he couldn’t stop in time, and before you knew it Clifford was even redder than before, because now he was covered in what was left of the children’s father. Oh, dear, what a pickle!
The very hungry caterpillar eats and eats and eats until he notices that one of the things he’s eating has a tiny piece of mold on it. The very hungry caterpillar stops eating and Googles all there is to Google about mold, and learns that even a spot of mold can actually run much deeper inside the food than a caterpillar’s eye can see. Just then, he gets a very bad stomach ache. The very hungry caterpillar Googles all there is to Google about stomach aches, and learns not only that mold can cause stomach aches but also that stomach aches can mean a lot of other things, like cancer. So then the very hungry caterpillar becomes the very Googling caterpillar—Googling and Googling all of his symptoms until his little legs fall off from Googling so much.
The boy came back to the tree one last time, only now he was an old man. The giving tree sighed—it had nothing left to give. But the old man didn’t seem to want anything. Instead he pointed at the tree and said, “Hey, Giving Tree, do your apples contain pesticides? Because I have all these crazy symptoms, and I checked WebMD, and it seems like I have a very rare and incurable disease, and it’s all your fault!” And the tree laughed and laughed and told the boy that of course the apples had pesticides—duh! Didn’t the boy know that America doesn’t safely regulate the chemicals that go into its food? I mean, seriously, was the boy not on TikTok? Then the boy choked on one of the apples and died. ♦
