A drunk beats your alcoholic any day, pal.

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sba/316771757.html

This isn't no fancy album. Nah...here is something to make anyone who likes a drink in an unfamiliar bar contemplate their actions from the night before.

In other news...
I'm not sober. Hoo-Ray!
Okay...you win me over every time.

Of course I'll give you a gift...