Videos of the week!

Spinal Tap - Gimme some money


Evil Dead 2 - Eye pop!


LSD Experiments


Morrissey - I want the one I can't have

The Story of Earth Girl Helen Brown

Click here for purity ring removal

Every once in a while a record will come out that bowls me over. Usually these types of records aren't very good, but they have a certain something that tickles me. Story of an Earth Girl by Earth Girl Helen Brown is one of those albums.

It's not even a real record. It's not even a real band. I mean, yeah, it's a human being with breasts and a vagina singing and a flesh and blood backing band supplying the back beat...

In reality, Helen Brown is really Heidi Alexander of the Sandwitches joined by Sonny Smith and Co. This was probably a one off project, but I sure hope not.

There is a song called Hit after Hit on this album that makes me feel... well, sultry as Hell and that ain't no easy task my friends.

Sunday morning yum!

I'm marinating some pork chops. I'm starving. Too bad it's a dinner for one. I'm feeling physical this morning.

And here's a personal thought worth sharing... I no longer find blonde women horrible. In fact, they catch my eye quite a bit these days. Blame it on April's showers. Blame it on LA. 

Dirty Carl Show # 23

Click here for nipple clean up

Hey there knuckle draggers, it's me... your old pal Carl. I don't have a great deal to tell you, but for the sake of conversation...

I killed a man last night.

Enjoy The Dirty Carl Show Volume # 23. It's a rocker for those dog day afternoons. Just click the link and get out of the stink!

1. Doctor Fine - Bob Seger System
2. Death trip - JT. IV
3. New connection - Useless Eaters
4. You've no idea - Charlie and the Moonhearts
5. Pantyhose - Epsilons
6. Slave - The Germs
7. Sex beat - Gun Club
8. Can't sleep - John Wesley Coleman III
9. Drill - Oblivians
10. Carol Anne - Thee Oh Sees
11. Nike a go go - Misfits
12. Be a caveman - Ty Segall
13. Pain - Upholsterers
14. Tight squeeze - Useless Eaters
15. Plump righteous - King Khan & BBQ
16. Ain't no woman - The Flies
17. Higher - The Memories
18. Green balloon - White Fence
19. No sugar mama - Von Bondies
20. Call me - Reigning Sound
21. You're doing it with her - Rhetta Hughes
22. You made a believer out of me - Ruby Andrews
23. Back End - MF Doom
24. The loner - Mastabeta
25. If I didn't care - Tiny Tim (outro)

Is this a good idea?

Or is it a "free rape" pass if she forgets to fill it out and the cabbie's a degenerate? Without a doubt.

Bad idea. Also a good idea (if the cabbie is swell and harmless). Not the rape part, asshole.

If you ever rape someone you deserve a dick chop that every scimitar in the land will be jealous of. If a girl wants to fuck you, she will and she'll know pretty early on. No amount of flowers, sweet poems, or money will change her mind unless she's a soulless fly trap. Who wants that anyway? Even if she does have a great ass...

There's no one like... me. I think?

I think this was dedicated to me on a liquor filled evening. I mean, there was a finger being pointed at me and some lip synching. :)

But basically it was just a drunk girl singing.

Either way... good song.

Ty Segall. Yeah!

Click here to do "The Drag"

If you are a complete turd, I would understand if you didn't recognize this name. Fine. I get it... there are folks on Earth who are so out of the loop that they'd recognize some random blogosphere rapper before knowing about Rock N' Roll.

Disappointed? Hell yeah, but it don't stop the mission.

If I could sum up Ty Segall in ten words:

Remember what Jack White did for you a while back?

Sure, he ain't got the same swagger... White was blues and Segall is surf, but shit... the snarl is there in a big way and since nobody has even come close to floating the S.S. Dirty Carl in a bit, Ty does it masterfully.

Do yourself a favor... after hearing this, go out and PURCHASE everything he's made. Jack is listening undoubtedly.

WEIRD MISPLACED TIP: Listen to more Belle and Sebastian. It's good for the mind, body, and soul.

Thee hounds of foggy notion

Click here for used bubbles

With a bit of inspiration from fellow music nerd "C" (who made me revisit a few other Oh Sees records), I spun this record a few times this week and I've got to say... mornings go better with John Dwyer.

I absolutely can't front on this guy. He puts out 6000 records a year and makes sure the artwork is solid and the vinyl has good colors. Not only that, but he always shouts out his pals.

It's like the closest thing to having a Rock N' Roll pope.

On this record, and if you've never heard it... you're probaly an asshole... O.C.S. take it down about, fifty notches and the end product is definitely pleasing.

Please go out and buy this record because it comes with a DVD of all the performances on the album. It's worth the price of admission for Brigid Dawson's teeth. So crooked... so beautiful, let's kiss!

That's her pictured up there. Yum!

Tonight's yum!

I'm not much in the mood for wild, drunken sex this evening. I mean, I wouldn't say no or anything like that. I just want to have a cocktail or four with someone who's down to earth... and loves to make out. Hee hee.

The sweet lass above has that look. Well, appearances can be decieving and this might be an image of a spoiled dominatrix riding home after beating a mans balls with a patent leather heel. Who knows?

Be advised: Things are slow while I process yet another round of "back to square one" However, there's a new Dirty Carl peeking around the corner. It's looking at you and it has a lot to say about you too. Oh, snap!

Having a heart is definitely bad for me...

Brendan Benson - Bad for me

Well here it goes again
Another losing streak
Guess I'm on a roll
I haven't got a chance 
I'm too weak
She sucks my soul
And this St Christopher 
That hangs around my neck
Has got to be a fake
'Cause I crash every time
The same old wreck
The same mistake
And I make a mental note so I don't forget
A little reminder of what hasn't happened yet
Well maybe she's bad for me
But I don't care to see
'Cause what I want and what I need
Are the same to me
In the end


And there is a voice in my head saying no
But my mouth says yes
I should stop I know but I really wanna go
it's okay I guess


And I've played with fire so many times before
Guess I'll never learn
Just like an addict I keep coming back for more
Come to love that burn
And I make a mental note so I don't forget
A Little reminder of what hasn't happened yet


Well maybe she's bad for me (Bad for me)
But I don't care to see
'Cause what I want and what I need (What I need)
Are the same to me


Well maybe she's bad for me (Bad for me)
But I don't care to see
'Cause what I want and what I need (What I need)
Are the same to me


There is a feeling that I get deep in my gut
But I pay no mind
Instinct out of sync but so what 
Love is blind 


And I make a mental note so I don't forget
A Little reminder of what hasn't happened yet


She's gonna be the death of me
Here it comes again
The only leaf left on the tree
And blowing in the wind


Well maybe she's bad for me (Bad for me)
But I don't care to see
'Cause what I want and what I need (What I need)
Are the same to me
In the end
In the end

Dirty Carl Vol. 22

Click here for breadline banter

Here is the Dirty Carl Show Volume #22. As usual, expect the worst.
Is it me or is this shirt suspiciously lacking a gremlin?
Fo' sho!

1. Gang of gin - Babyshambles
2. Yours alone - Dum Dum Girls
3. Peacock and Wing - Fresh & Onlys
4. Strange effect - Hollows
5. Evil is easy - The Intelligence
6. Waste a lot of things - Jaill
7. Cool out - Jeff the Brotherhood
8. A clown gave you a baby - John Wesley Coleman
9. New waves - The Lovely Bad Things
10. Candy for brains - The Mallard
11. See the light - Mujeres
12. Love rules - PENS (Pixies cover)
13. Seeing black - Pow Wows
14. Your love - Reigning Sound
15. I want to live in a house - Ross O' Donovan (Starstruck OST)
16. Easy rider - Ty Segall & White Fence
17. I'm laughing at you - The Gardenias
18. Trouble - Compulsive Gamblers
19. Anny Lou - Demons Claws
20. That was dope - The Bikes
21. Baby, you're totally crazy - The Memories

4th of July yum!

I am in the process of figuring out what I'd like to eat. So far it's only been cigarettes and whiskey. I'm not sure what food will suit me today. I will say that my neighbor is cooking tons of carne asada and the smell is driving me crazy in the best possible way. 

Explosions

Happy Independence Day to everyone who celebrates it. I'm pretty sure that most folks are smiling today and gathered around BBQ pits with friends and family. I'm aware that there are approximately seven hundered and fifty thousand drunken uncles that will do something off putting on this day more than other day of the year. Not me.

I will spend the day washing my hands and heart of everything that makes it feel less than sparkly. And why not? There isn't any sense in being dirty (unless she asks for it) and besides, the heart, like an engine, cannot run as intended if it gets too much build up in and around its movable parts. Keep it clean string bean.

I will say one thing though... I'm really put off by how many times I get close to feeling like I finally reach bliss only to discover that I've been standing in a mud puddle. It sucks pretty bad to continuously be back at square one, (is this board game rigged?) but I guess practice makes perfect, right?

I'm also convinced that it's timing that is really the enemy of love and happiness. It isn't me. However, it's easy to start blaming yourself and sometimes it is appropriate to do so, but lately it's just timing. I mean, am I a fool for wanting to spend my time loving someone or am I a fool for wanting to love people who are in less than perfect emotional states? I'll go with the latter.

So, while I'm busy being forced to gather my tools at the drawing board, I hope the rest of you are rocking and rolling and hugging and kissing and laughing and drinking and dancing your little hearts out today! Have fun. I mean it. Also, there's no watermelon like free watermelon... just don't forget to spit out the seeds, ya dig?

Dirty Carl # 22 happens later on today. Stay dutifully tuned you beautiful goons.