John Shuttleworth – "The Dolby Decades" (Chic Ken – CHIC KENCD017) 2008

More from the maestro of the Yahama organ including "I Can't Go back To Savoury Now";if that isn't a good enough incentive to get you to download this recording you are probably dead.

However, "I Don't Want To Dance (But You've Got To" is the only tune ever to face up to the White Male'a dilemma of whether to dance and look like the prat you are,or show resolve and decline the opportunity to indulge in this ridiculous pastime,passing itself off as an expression of Joy(?)....what the fuck is there to dance about anyway?...This track has the compliment of having a guest vocal spot by Richard Whitely, of lame afternoon quiz shoe "Countdown" fame, before he died.....he had "One Foot In The Gravy" i guess?...of course referring to John's meditation on the spectre of mortality which goes by the same name on track 16.

Coronation Street gets namechecked again,through "Betty Turpin" who stood behind the bar of the Rovers Return soap opera pub for 42 years,never(well occasionally a few lines) having more than a few words ,such as "yes luvvie"to say,ever!

Could go through it track by track,listing the producers, what keyboard John Played,studio equipment,Beatles influences and shite like that,as if i was writing for Mojo Magazine,but fuck that!

Its fucking good,that's all you lot need to now.....isn't that right Betty?....."Yes Luvvie."

Tracklist:

1 Life Is Like A Salad Bar
2 Serial Cereal Eater
3 Three Men In A Van
4 Fish And Chips
5 Unaccompanied Lady
6 Disaffected Youth
7 God's Waiting Room
8 God Bless The Fleece
9 Dandelion And Burdock
10 I Can't Go Back To Savoury Now
11 I Don't Want To Dance (But You've Got To!)
Featuring – Richard Whiteley
12 Blatherwyke
13 Betty Turpin
14 Two Margarines
15 She Lives In Hope
16 One Foot In The Gravy
17 Karen's Tangerine
18 Mutiny Over The Bounty
19 When Suburbia Wakes
20 Scenes From South Yorkshire

DOWNLOAD a decade spanning collection of dolby encoded wonders HERE!

John Shuttleworth – "The Yamaha Years" (Chic Ken – Chic Ken CD001) 1997

 Nooooo!...John Shuttleworth ,like the Tooth Beaver, is not real. He is the comedic creation of the artist formerly known as Jilted John,also known as Graham Fellows,the actor who played Gail Tilsley's teenage lover in Coronation street......her husband, Brian,played by one of the finest actors that ever haunted the cathode ray tube(i Jest of Course) Chris Quentin, would have said something like "I'll Flamin' Kill Him!" when he inevitably found out. Poor Brian got knifed in 1989,he was stabbed at 8pm in the Monday episode,but the ambulance didn't turn up till 7.30 Wednesday evening for the next installment......I'm sure John Shuttleworth, second wife Mary,and kids, Darren and Karen, would have been watching those fateful nights in UK Soap Opera history.

Coronation Street is built on foundations of northern camp humour,and in contrast to its more serious soap rival, was famed for having actors who wished they were comedians,whereas East Enders,the London one, had Comedians who wished they were actors.

In the case of John Shuttleworth, he was very much a case of an Actor who became a comedian,via music,and his most enduring character still is the Redundant Steelworker from Sheffield who reinvented himself as a singer songwriter,and his fabulous Yamaha keyboard.

His tunes are hilarious of course,and here we have a collection of his finest efforts to date,and Yes....it does include "Pigeons In Flight.

Tracklist:

1 My Wife Died In 1970
2 Modern Man
3 Have You Seen My Wife?
4 You're Like Manchester
5 Eggs And Gammon
6 Man Who Lives On The M62
7 Up And Down Like A Bride's Nightie
8 The Christmas Orphan
9 Y Reg
10 500 Bus Stops
11 Save The Whale
12 The Bee And The Wasp
13 Can You Ken Ken?
14 Shopkeepers In The North
15 Mary Had A Little Lamb
16 How To Be Happy In A Sad Sad World
17 From A Father To A Son (The Burial Song)
18 What's A Shuttleworth?
19 Do The Stars Remember?
20 Pigeons In Flight

DOWNLOAD a fine argument for redundancy HERE!

Jilted John – "True Love Stories... Plus" (Castle Music – ESM CD 771) 1978

I remember sending me mum downtown to the record shop to get "Jilted John" by Jilted John on Rabid back in '78......but,it had SOLD OUT?!

This tchoon's time in the limelight coincided with the only visit logged to date of my Australian relatives from the suburbs of Sydney.......I'm now thinking of that fine song by The Fall, "Australians in Europe.....Peel Session version", that reignited my enthusiasm for MES and said group. These were absolutely NOT fans of The Saints,or any of those fine Oz Punk groups.Cousin Carl still wore the most horrible flared jeans,and liked stuff such as Fleetwood Mac and The Beatles(!?)So he was rather shocked at what was happening in the the whole of the UK, music wise. He accompanied me to the Record Shop where i bought that Raw Records Compilation "(Oh No)...it's More From Raw", which included such classic Punk Rock tchoons, as The beyond great Users' "Sick Of You", faux cockney's The killjoys, Some Chickens' manson inspired "Blood On The Wall",Hammersmith Gorillas etc.....not a bad track as far as i was concerned,but Carl was Horrified;later confiding in my mother that he felt Old and past it....he was 17.This of course only encouraged me to play it constantly,and at some stage i slipped Jilted John,on EMI, onto my turntable.This got an enthusiastic response from the female end of our antipodean relations.Cousin Clare was my age and secured herself a copy to take back to Wolongong to show off her new Punk single to her mates.

Describing this novelty single as "Punk" was pushing it a bit,but it had the sneery vocals,one chord guitar work,the group,....or the Rabid Records staff... looked a bit scruffy, but it did have its DIY roots,so i couldn't discourage the idea.This could have been by Johnny Rotten if he had a more privileged upbringing lived in Manchester and was nice.

I never bought, or even know of a Jilted John album until it got re-released in 1999.It's largely awful,and provided further evidence that this Graham Fellows project should have lasted for one single only;but, it does sound like a potential Lost-Teenage dream nostalgia musical that never was.....so maybe in the future?

Tracklist:

1 Jilted John– Going Steady 3:52
2 Jilted John– Baz's Party 4:30
3 Jilted John– I Know I'll Never 1:32
4 Jilted John– I Was A Pre-Pubescent 2:57
5 Jilted John– Fancy Mice 5:10
6 Jilted John– Jilted John (LP Version) 3:02
7 Jilted John– The Birthday Kiss 3:53
8 Jilted John– The Paperboy Song 4:17
9 Jilted John– True Love 3:16
10 Jilted John– In The Bus Shelter 1:36
11 Jilted John– Karen's Letter 1:49
12 Jilted John– Shirley 4:17
13 Jilted John– Goodbye, Karen 2:37
14 Jilted John– Jilted John (Single Version) 2:58
15 Gordon The Moron– Fit For Nothing 3:08
16 Gordon The Moron– Sold On You 4:00

DOWNLOAD HERE! you sad excuse for a post-pubescent you!

Jilted John – "Jilted Jam Demos Rehearsals & Gigs 1977 - 2008" (Boss Tuneage – BTRCRS090) 2016

Another from the same northern monkey school of straddling that grey area between acting, comedy and music, would have to be,one Graham Fellows aka, Jilted John and John Shuttleworth. As was so kindly mentioned by someone in the comments section,he appeared on manchesters' Rabid records, along with stablemates Slaughter and the Dogs, John Cooper Clark, Chris Seivey (Frank Sidebottom),Ed Banger and the Nosebleeds;featuring none other than Vinni Riley of Durutti Column fame,and briefly Jilted John....before EMI snaffled him up.

Yes, "Jilted John" by Jilted John, was a top ten smash in summer 1978.Back in the days when You could say things like Slag,Bitch and Puff on television and not face being cancelled. As this clip of John's third appearance on Top Of The Pops demonstrates, beginning with Jimmy Saville cavorting alongside three possible victims while introducing John on live vocals.Sadly it was destined to become yet another novelty one hit wonder......but there was more....an album and a slew of flop singles.Not to mention demo's and even a couple of gigs!?

Essentially, Graham was more on the Actor who does music rather than the musician who does acting,which never works out great, does it David Bowie ? Actors who do music did have rather more sucess than the aforementioned disasters...namely Punishment Of Luxury, Shoes For Industry,  Albertos y los trios Paranoias and...erm....Jilted John.

I rather think the Jilted John Project would have been better left as just a novelty hit, but of course, when a major label is involved, they squeeze the juice out of anything they get their stupid hands on.Which reminds me of the time when the top EMI record executive met new signings Pink Floyd, and asked which one was 'pink'.

Jilted John would have been a musical in the west end if it was made now....it still could I guess,it's all there,the story sung in half-rhyme,the nostalgic characters,the teenage  memories,the hit, all that's needed is some naff choreography by Wayne Sleep and a few million quid from Andrew Lloyd-Webber's bulging coffers, and an unsanctioned Oligarch.The Public would love it.

John/Graham had another brush with minor fame,this time as an actor,playing Gail Tilsley's inappropriate young lover in Coronation Street.....before reinventing himself as retired Steelworker John Shuttleworth,who spent his redundancy on a secondhand Yamaha keyboard in a quest for fame as a singer songwriter. His greatest hit I would suggest, has to be "Pigeons In Flight" (more on the way....recorded in Dolby.

Tracklist:

1 Jilted John (Live At Erics, Liverpool, May 12th 1978) 3:28
2 Unknown Interview Clip 1 0:50
3 Jilted John (Original Demo, December 1977) 3:20
4 Going Steady (Live At Erics, Liverpool, May 12th 1978) 3:36
5 Unknown Interview Clip 2 1:00
6 Jilted John (What's On, Granada TV, April 1978) 2:43
7 Going Steady (Live At Big Chill, August 2008) 4:39
8 Baz's Party (Band Rehearsal, September 1978) 5:03
9 Radio Clip 1 (BBC Radio 1, November 1978) 1:17
10 Birthday Kiss (Live At Erics, Liverpool, May 12th 1978) 4:26
11 Shirley (Band Rehearsal, September 1978) 3:53
12 Unknown Interview Clip 3 0:33
13 My Love's Just Begun (Unreleased Recording, 1979) 3:24
14 Baz's Party (Original Demo, 6th August 1978) 6:17
15 Radio Clip 2 (BBC Radio Manchester, November 1978) 1:39
16 Birthday Kiss (Live At Big Chill, August 2008) 4:50
17 Paperboy Song (Original Demo, July 1978) 4:09
18 Radio Clip 3 (BBC Radio Manchester, November 1978) 0:55
19 Keira Knightly (Live At Big Chill, August 2008) 2:39
20 Stoodup Stephen (Original Demo, January 1978) 6:08
21 Debbie, Debbie (Live At Erics, Liverpool, May 12th 1978) 2:42
22 Trendy Wendy (Original Demo, April 1978) 4:15
23 Jilted John (Live At Big Chill, August 2008) 5:10
24 Sharon's Song (Original Demo, Incomplete, Early 1978) 1:14

DOWNLOAD HERE! you Slaaaaaags!