Grimm didn’t feel like a clown, but he handed the kid a balloon, anyway.
“Is that a light bulb on your nose?” the kid asked.
“Get lost,” Grimm said.
“That doesn’t sound like clown talk to me.”
“You want the balloon or not?”
“You’re the meanest clown I ever met.”
“Listen, kid. You’re getting on my nerves.”
The suit was hot and the makeup smelled like turpentine, and wearing tennis rackets would have been easier than the floppy shoes, but a plan is a plan.
One thing Grimm hadn’t particularly counted on was the number of greedy children following him along the sidewalk. You can't think of everything. The children couldn’t follow him into the bank, that was for sure.
“Hey mister clown, stand on one finger.”
Grimm took some change out of his front pocket and threw it in the grass in front of the bank; so much for the children, they zeroed in on the money.
He walked into the bank, exactly the way it had been drawn on the practice paper.
You just don’t rob a bank. You try that, without a well-conceived plan, and they'll gun you down—that is, if you aren’t electrocuted first. In the modem bank, there are wires hooked to plants, and cameras behind clocks.
The plan is what separates the pros from the cons.
And whereas the plan might be that you rob the bank of millions of dollars and live happily ever after, there are many sub-plans that determine whether you will have to give the money back, or live happily ever after in jail.
Grimm knew about a guy who lost a button on his pants at a very bad time—when he was stealing some money. This guy reaches down and his mask slips off and the next thing he knows he is banging a tin cup on the bars, asking for more swill.
A plan is equal to the sum of its parts. Somebody stubs his toe at the wrong time, and this triggers an electronic device that drops the bars around you.
For example, you have to start somewhere, like with the mask.
It's obvious a man has to wear a mask so his face won’t be on the evening news. Money is no fun if you have to spend it down in the sewer or somewhere as dark. You don't put a burglar's mask on and walk three blocks to the bank. Somebody might say, “That guy is going to rob the bank.” You don’t put the mask on right outside the bank, either. This attracts attention, and you might be clubbed by the guard. So whereas a mask sounds like a simple proposition, it isn’t. You have to think it out.
It was Grimm’s idea to go as a clown. Clowns don’t rob banks.
“Hi there, mister clown,” the guard said.
“What’s your name?” Grimm asked.
“Hugh,” the guard said. “Hugh Estes.”
“Have a balloon, Hugh.”
“Thanks.”
There was some doubt whether Hugh Estes could draw his gun inside five minutes. And if he could get it out of his holster, he would have to figure some way to get it over his gut. A bank guard’s primary responsibility is to keep rich old women from bumping into the window's.
“Hugh,” Grimm said. “I have terrible news for you.”
He frowned. “I don’t get to keep the balloon?”
“Worse than that. Come over here.”
Hugh Estes got up from his desk. Grimm put his arm around the old fellow and led him toward the door. “How’s your heart, Hugh?”
“Never better. You with Easter Seals?”
“No.”
“United Way?”
“Hugh,” Grimm said. “I’m a criminal. I’m robbing this bank”
Grimm had his left arm tightly around the guard’s neck. “That’s funny,” Hugh Estes said. “You’re one of the best clowns I ever saw.”
“I’m no clown. Clowns don’t talk. Underneath this calm is a guy who’s getting a little nervous. I’ve got dynamite taped all over me, Hugh, so if you don’t want all these people blown to bits, just do what I say.”
Hugh Estes thought. They had taught him about this sort of thing in bank guard’s school. One out of approximately 475 people who say they are loaded with explosives actually detonates himself or herself.
“I’ve got a terminal illness,” Grimm said. “So it doesn’t matter what happens to me.”
That was the one who blows himself up!
Hugh Estes was getting real nervous real fast.
This would look very bad on his resume.
“Lock the door,” Grimm said.
Hugh Estes looked back at his desk, where the alarm button was. “You can’t rob this bank. There’s only one way out. This bank has never been robbed. It’s foolproof.”
“Yeah, but I’m no fool,” Grimm said.
