Showing posts with label P.G. Wodehouse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label P.G. Wodehouse. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 16, 2023

A Prefect's Uncle by P. G. Wodehouse (A & C Black 1903)

 



Gethryn strolled to the gate, where the station-master’s son stood at the receipt of custom to collect the tickets.  His uncle was to arrive by this train, and if he did so arrive, must of necessity pass this way before leaving the platform.  The train panted in, pulled up, whistled, and puffed out again, leaving three people behind it.  One of these was a woman of sixty (approximately), the second a small girl of ten, the third a young gentleman in a top hat and Etons, who carried a bag, and looked as if he had seen the hollowness of things, for his face wore a bored, supercilious look.  His uncle had evidently not arrived, unless he had come disguised as an old woman, an act of which Gethryn refused to believe him capable.

He enquired as to the next train that was expected to arrive from London.  The station-master’s son was not sure, but would ask the porter, whose name it appeared was Johnny.  Johnny gave the correct answer without an effort.  ’Seven-thirty it was, sir, except on Saturdays, when it was eight o’clock.’

‘Thanks,’ said the Bishop.  ’Dash the man, he might at least have wired.’

He registered a silent wish concerning the uncle who had brought him a long three miles out of his way with nothing to show at the end of it, and was just turning to leave the station, when the top-hatted small boy, who had been hovering round the group during the conversation, addressed winged words to him.  These were the winged words—

‘I say, are you looking for somebody?’ The Bishop stared at him as a naturalist stares at a novel species of insect.

'Yes,’ he said.  ‘Why?’

‘Is your name Gethryn?’

This affair, thought the Bishop, was beginning to assume an uncanny aspect.

‘How the dickens did you know that?’ he said.

’Oh, then you are Gethryn?  That’s all right.  I was told you were going to be here to meet this train.  Glad to make your acquaintance.  My name’s Farnie.  I’m your uncle, you know.’

‘My what?’ gurgled the Bishop.

‘Your uncle.  U-n, un; c-l-e—kul.  Uncle.  Fact, I assure you.' 

Tuesday, September 04, 2012

Psmith Journalist by P. G. Wodehouse (Penguin 1915)



It was not Psmith's habit, when he felt deeply on any subject, to exhibit his feelings; and this matter of the tenements had hit him harder than any one who did not know him intimately would have imagined. Mike would have understood him, but Billy Windsor was too recent an acquaintance. Psmith was one of those people who are content to accept most of the happenings of life in an airy spirit of tolerance. Life had been more or less of a game with him up till now. In his previous encounters with those with whom fate had brought him in contact there had been little at stake. The prize of victory had been merely a comfortable feeling of having had the best of a battle of wits; the penalty of defeat nothing worse than the discomfort of having failed to score. But this tenement business was different. Here he had touched the realities. There was something worth fighting for. His lot had been cast in pleasant places, and the sight of actual raw misery had come home to him with an added force from that circumstance. He was fully aware of the risks that he must run. The words of the man at the Astor, and still more the episodes of the family friend from Missouri and the taximeter cab, had shown him that this thing was on a different plane from anything that had happened to him before. It was a fight without the gloves, and to a finish at that. But he meant to see it through. Somehow or other those tenement houses had got to be cleaned up. If it meant trouble, as it undoubtedly did, that trouble would have to be faced.

Monday, July 11, 2011

The Pothunters by P. G. Wodehouse (The Overlook Press 1902)


As for Stokes, I suppose I must prosecute--'

The detective raised a hand in protest.

'Pardon my interruption, sir, but I really should advise you not to prosecute.'

'Indeed! Why?'

'It is this way. If you prosecute, you get the man his term of imprisonment. A year, probably. Well and good. But then what happens? After his sentence has run out, he comes out of prison an ex-convict. Tries to get work. No good. Nobody will look at him. Asks for a job. People lock up their spoons and shout for the police. What happens then? Not being able to get work, tries another burglary. Being a clumsy hand at the game, gets caught again and sent back to prison, and so is ruined and becomes a danger to society. Now, if he is let off this time, he will go straight for the rest of his life. Run a mile to avoid a silver cup. He's badly scared, and I took the opportunity of scaring him more. Told him nothing would happen this time, if the cups came back safely, but that he'd be watched ever afterwards to see he did not get into mischief. Of course he won't really be watched, you understand, but he thinks he will. Which is better, for it saves trouble. Besides, we know where the cups are--I feel sure he was speaking the truth about them, he was too frightened to invent a story--and here is most of the money. So it all ends well, if I may put it so. My advice, sir, and I think you will find it good advice--is not to prosecute.'

'Very well,' said the Head, 'I will not.'

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Leave It to Psmith by P.G. Wodehouse (Vintage Books 1923)



Eve's eyes opened wide.

'Do you mean to say you gave me somebody else's umbrella?

'I had unfortunately omitted to bring my own out with me this morning.'

'I've never heard of such a thing!'

Merely practical Socialism. Other people are content to talk about the Redistribution of Property. I go out and do it.

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Right Ho, Jeeves by P.G. Wodehouse (Penguin Books 1934)


Aunt Dahlia's face grew darker. Hunting, if indulged in regularly over a period of years, is a pastime that seldom fails to lend a fairly deepish tinge to the patient's complexion, and her best friends could not have denied that even at normal times the relative's map tended a little towards the crushed strawberry. But never had I seen it take on so pronounced a richness as now. She looked like a tomato struggling for self-expression.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Thank You, Jeeves by P.G. Wodehouse (Arrow Books 1934)


'Who are you?'
'Sergeant Voules, sir.'
I opened the door. It was pretty dark outside, but I could recognize the arm of the Law all right. This Voules was a bird built rather on the lines of the Albert Hall, round in the middle and not much above. He always looked to me as if Nature had really intended to make two police sergeants and had forgotten to split them up.