WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an announcement that many in Washington felt was overdue, Representative George Santos said that he was resigning from Congress to spend more time with his imaginary family.
“As much as I’ve loved this job, it’s taken me away from my kids,” he said. “And to them I say: Blake, Kaylee, Agnes, Skip, Molly, Charlie, Leeann, and Rex, Daddy’s coming home.”
He thanked his children for taking care of his many imaginary pets, including a marmot named Jerry and a python named Estelle.
As for his future plans, he said that he would be leaving Congress “to go back to my first love: being a member of the Beatles.”
“Today is an emotional day for me,” he said. “If I don’t look emotional, it’s because of the Botox.”
