NEW FEATURE: Ben's Dream Diary, Chapter One

I had a dream yesterday. I was watching Glee. It was the episode of Glee where the kids have to negotiate a jungle full of aggressive wild animals, lions, rhinos, etc., and then Finn is living in a tent in a shopping centre and is involved in an involuntary gay relationship. Not sure who the guy he was sleeping with was; it was a new character, not a very nice one. You could tell he wasn't nice because he'd manipulated Finn into homosexuality against his will, but also he had a really snide way of talking.

Anyway I was watching but got interrupted because a gang was having a meeting in our driveway prior to setting off for a rumble. I tried to get assurances from a gang member that after the rumble they wouldn't come back to our driveway, but he just kept saying "No, no," and gently punching me. So instead I had to ask another gang member, who happened to be a small walking bookcase with a picture of a koala on it. It was a frustrating conversation because obviously the small walking bookcase could not talk; it could only nod. I would have asked one of the other walking bookcases who were with it, but I woke up before I could. Maybe next time.

Ben's Dream Diary - End of Chapter One

The sensitive side of fat halfwit murderers

On the occasion of his mother's death, well-known gangland identity and incarcerated dugong Carl Williams has placed a touching death notice in Melbourne's Herald Sun, in which he quotes from Celine Dion's "Because You Loved Me".

I think this probably shows our common humanity. Just because somebody is a mass murderer and druglord, doesn't mean he can't appreciate heartwarming balladry or powerful female vocal stylings.

We saw a similar case in Robert Trimbole's love of Gloria Estefan.

"You were my voice when I couldn't speak and strength when I was weak," Carl wrote. Presumably he is, indeed, as Dion sang, everything he is, because she loved him. Which is probably why she killed herself.

It's a sort of tragic footnote to the gangland war; we thought we had seen the last of violent bogans killing each other. Who knew they'd start killing themselves?