ATHEIST MYTHS DEBUNKED

As an atheist myself, I often find myself licking the blood from my fingers and thinking, Gee, wouldn't it be nice if there was more understanding in the world for those with alternative faith choices? Every day in the media I see another misconception about atheism being perpetuated by heartless believers who see fit to pass judgment on us without even going to the trouble of attending a Baby-Que to see for themselves what we're all about.

So I think it behooves me to here explode a few of the myths about atheists floating around out there.

1. ATHEISTS ARE JUST ANGRY AT THE CHURCH: This is simply NOT true. We are not JUST angry at the church; we are angry at all KINDS of people. Like our parents, the government, people who are happy and secure in our relationships. I am so SICK of atheists being painted as one-dimensional, as if it's just ONE thing that causes us to reject all sense of decency and social propriety. We have LOTS of motivations for our blind hatred, OK?

2. ATHEISTS WANT EVERYONE TO AGREE WITH THEM: No, we do NOT. We want SOME people to agree with us, sure. But MOST people we actually want killed. It's so unfair when people say things like, "Oh atheists, they're just trying to force their message down our throats". Not true: we're actually HAPPY if you disagree with us, because we're planning to exterminate you at our monthly Atheism Plot Meetings.

3. ATHEISM IS A RELIGION: Not at all - atheism is not the sort of structured belief system usually designated as "a religion" - it is in fact a very narrow set of beliefs more properly dubbed a "death cult". It really ticks us off when we get lumped in with the religious, when our soulles blend of nihilism and masochism is really very distinct.

4. ATHEISTS BELIEVE THERE IS NO GOD: I can hardly believe anyone actually thinks this anymore, but there you go. Suffice to say, atheists do NOT believe there is no God: we KNOW there is a God, but we reject Him because we want to smoke drugs and have anal sex all the time.

5. ATHEISTS ARE SENT BY SATAN TO TEMPT GOOD PEOPLE FROM THE RIGHT PATH: No, we tempt people from the right path purely for kicks.

6. ATHEISTS ARE ALL HOMOSEXUAL: Actually, many of us are heterosexual. of course, we indulge frequently in homosexual ACTS, because we live only to gratuitously offend people's sensibilities, but we don't ENJOY them. We don'y enjoy any sexual acts, since sex is only enjoyable with a person whom you love, and atheists are incapable of love.

7. ATHEISTS ARE ACTUALLY MUSLIMS IN DISGUISE WORKING TO SUBVERT DECENT CHRISTIAN SOCIETY: We are NOT Muslims. We just work for them.

8. ATHEISTS WORSHIP SCIENCE: None of us worship science; we all know science is rubbish, it's just something we came up with one night when we were trying to think of a way to corrupt the morals of young people. We do, however, worship Richard Dawkins, because of the mind-controlling injections he gave us.

9. ATHEISTS ARE UNHAPPY: As atheists we are incapable of ANY emotions, good or bad.

10. WITH NO SOURCE OF ULTIMATE MORAL AUTHORITY, ATHEISTS HAVE NO REASON NOT ROB, RAPE AND MURDER PEOPLE ALL THE TIME: Rubbish! We have a very GOOD reason: sometimes we get tired.



I hope that's clear now.

No, REALLY Hitting the Big Time

There are many kinds of success in this world.

There's financial success. There's career success. There's the success of raising a healthy, loving family.

But all of these are as scraps of pig slops to a strawberry cheesecake when compared to being publicly thanked by Andrew Bolt.

The fact that he later found out who I actually was, and is no longer even slightly positively-dispositioned towards me, does not diminish the honour. Neither does the fact he never really regarded me with any gratitude in the first place. Unfortunately the details are private. I'll tell you at the bar.

Incidentally, Bolt eventually did acknowledge the rather obvious error that in that post he had refused to acknowledge. I mean, he sort of acknowledged it. I mean, "I was wrong" is an acknowledgment, even if the post itself ends up being "I was wrong but still much more right than anyone else".

By the way, "reader TQS", Bolt may have thanked you, but you will never have what he and I have. It is special.

And then, of course, he has his "final last thought" (ooh, promise?) on the subject. Not quite sure what he's doing here. A few different options?

1. Bolt is suggesting that Pope Pius XII would have had his head cut off if he'd spoken out against the Holocaust.

2. Bolt is suggesting that because Dawkins won't speak out against Islamofascists, he is morally equivalent to someone who won't speak out against the Holocaust. He does this by referencing a quote wherein Dawkins speaks out against Islamofascists. He could have picked any quote of many, really. Dawkins slams Islamic extremists all the time.

3. By referring to Richard Dawkins as "the atheist al-Qaeda", Bolt is suggesting that promoting a petition asking for someone not be made a saint is morally equivalent to threatening to cut someone's head off.

You decide. I guess.

Today's homework: In 1000 words or less, compare and contrast the labelling of a Nazi-supporting Pope "Pope Nazi" with the labelling of an atheist scientist "atheist al-Qaeda". Extra points for those students who accurately ascertain the relative levels of barbarism present in each.

Incidentally, a round of applause for Bolt's work ethic: he started blogging at 7:01 am and didn't stop till 12:09 pm. You can't deny he's prolific. And if you did he'd call you a terrorist.