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Mary Worth, 11/23/23

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! How will you be spending the day? Will you be enjoying a meal in the company of a bunch of other people from your apartment building that you don’t like very much, but you have agreed to spend the evening with because you were promised a particularly juicy bit of gossip to make up for the bone-dry turkey?

Gil Thorp, 11/23/23

Or will you be at home with your beloved family, along with the golf coach who’s fucking your wife?

Six Chix, 11/23/23

Trying to figure out where the action is happening in any given Six Chix is of course a fool’s errand but — are these turkeys hanging out amongst the clouds, indicating that they’re dead (presumably killed for some human’s Thanksgiving dinner) and in heaven? Truly sad that, even in Paradise, they cannot escape the justified fear that haunted them their whole brief, sad lives. Enjoy your holiday meal, everybody!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/22/23

Well, well, well, it looks like what’s increasingly obviously Buzzy and Rene’s co-grift is coming along nicely, with Rene being sprung from jail by his fancy lawyer so he can do more crimes. Too bad the Harwoods couldn’t afford a lawyer who could keep this notorious criminal behind bars! Also, too bad Congress passed the I’ve Got Mine Act, under which all public criminal prosecution for offenses up to and including attempted murder were eliminated as “not cost effective” and now victims need to hire their own attorneys, as all disputes are hashed out in civil courts. (The I’ve Got Mine Act was passed after heavy lobbying from Rex Morgan, who has his and frankly thinks less of you if you don’t have yours.)

Dennis the Menace, 11/22/23

Man, I don’t know if you can ever be called a “menace” if you’re so dumb that someone has to point at a giant picture of a turkey and say “This is called Thanksgiving, Dennis. That’s a turkey. Turkey. No, that’s a picture you, can’t eat it.” Anyway, to answer your questions, Dennis, the turkey can’t stay awake because it’s dead. You have to kill it well before you put it in the oven.

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Gil Thorp, 11/21/23

Hey, remember earlier this year, when Gil Thorp did a ripped from the headlines story about about a player who got terribly hurt during a game, only unlike the headlines, where professional athletes refused to return to play, the high school students were forced to forced to finish the game while their friend might’ve been dying? Well, looks like it’s happening again, and this time the injured student is Coach Luke’s son, still playing for Valley Tech even after his dad had to take a job working for his hated rival Gil Thorp. Why do these gruesome injuries keep happening to Valley Conference players? Probably for the same reason that the games continue after the kids are medivac’d off the field: because none of the adults involved care whether the student-athletes live or die.

Mary Worth, 11/21/23

“Did you know that this huge, beefy hunk is also a man-whore, who has impregnated at least one woman, via sex? Do with that information what you will, though if what you’re going to do with it is masturbation or dissociative fantasies during your thrice annual marital encounter with Ian, please feel free not to tell me.”

Beetle Bailey, 11/21/23

I know Beetle is using “neat” in the first panel to mean “tidy” but it’s hard for me to not read it as just “good” in general. He likes beds! He spends a lot of time in them, and has come to appreciate the ones that are especially interesting or high-quality.

Hagar the Horrible, 11/21/23

Hagar and his warriors have all suffered battle wounds during their latest raid, and their loved ones are waiting for them as they return to Norway, doing their best to nurse them back to health. That’s not a joke or anything, just a thing that’s happening in this comic strip!