I’ll try to remain brief, but I would love advice.

I grew up Protestant and left when I felt that the religion was invalidated due to errancy in the Bible as well as historical developments of biblical religions out of a polytheistic context. Since then, my thoughts on morality, life, purpose and reality have changed quite drastically. I now would characterize myself as fairly left leaning, empiricist and fairly materialist with the spiritual label of agnostic atheist.

That being said, I cannot shake the desire for religion for the life of me. Maybe it’s because I was raised in it, maybe it’s because humans inherently need it, I have no idea. I feel super tired and drained of the search because I already struggle to accept anything supernatural anymore, but I can’t rationalize my desire in it.

I recognize that what I miss most is the feeling of communion with a power larger than myself. I missed the feeling of mystery and wonder. I miss mysticism and exploration and connect ness. I really would love to be part of a spiritual practice and community that values ritual, history and mysticism. I’ve tried finding that in academics, science, and political organizing and none of it brought me what I wanted or needed.

I find bits in pieces of it. Sufi poets, Eastern Orthodox chants and iconography, eastern meditation. I find all of these beautiful. I can’t deny that on some level there is an aesthetic appeal as well.

A big thing for me is I don’t want to be part of a system that requires me to condemn things I don’t believe should be condemned: LGBT rights being a central part of this.

Has anyone been in a similar position? Does anyone have advice?