It takes extreme self-reflection from both parties, and not nearly every situation is as simple as one of the partners being able to recognize that their absence was the cause of the cheating. OP tried to get her wife to stay home and spend more time together; what else was she supposed to do but find love elsewhere? IMO both partners realized they were in the throes of destroying something good. It may not be correct to call it cheating with the business, but OP's wife was giving the commitment due to OP to the business, and that's effectively cheating.

not arguing against anything you're saying, just getting my thoughts out there.