As I was admiring the thickness of the Pelicans during one of their games in the bubble, I was inspired to find which NBA team was the thickest of them all.

The Weight-to-Height Ratio

I started with the weight-to-height ratio which was calculated by simply dividing a player's weight in pounds by their height in inches. However, I quickly realized this was a flawed metric that didn't show the true thickness factor. It wasn't weighted to account for taller players which weigh more per inch. Enter: Thickness Above Replacement.

Thickness Above Replacement (TAR)

The formula to determine the Thickness Above Replacement is relatively simple:

(Player's weight) - (Avg. weight at the player's height)

This is simply the variance in weight between the average NBA player at each height. Here is the definitive list of the thickest teams in the league. This shows each team's pounds above average.

The Cleveland Cavaliers rank 1st in the NBA in Thickness Above Replacement with the Phoenix Suns coming in last. The Pelicans, buoyed up by Zion Williamson, rank 5th. Here are the top 10 individuals in TAR.

Top 10 Players in TAR

I think it's safe to assume that this is the most effective way to determine on-floor production. Change my mind.

EDIT: Itโ€™s time to address the elephant in the room: Kyle Lowryโ€™s massive caboose. Legend has it, every time he claps after drawing a charge it grows in size. Kyle Lowry is exactly 6 feet tall and weighs 196 lbs. Nearly the identical measurements of his teammate Fred VanVleet. Now, VanVleet is thick in his own right, but heโ€™s no Lowry. The only reasonable explanation for this is a conspiracy by Lowry and the Raptors organization to hide his true weight. What we donโ€™t know is how high up in the organization this conspiracy goes. Was it another one of Nick Nurseโ€™s crazy ideas? Was Masai Ujiri involved? Iโ€™ll let you decide that, Iโ€™m not one to speculate.