Week 1 was the roller coaster we all expected. What an ending all things considered. I have no prequel, let's dive in.
For those new to this blog, it will break down as so:
Intro
What Hit, What Didn't, and Why?
The Picks
If you're here for the picks, they'll be in bold if you scroll down. If you want my manifesto containing Sunday thoughts and sports thoughts in general stay for the Recaps.
"We can't have him in our social club, that much I do know.
SOCIAL CLUB?! HE'S GOTTA GO"
-Sopranos
WHAT HIT, WHAT DIDN'T, AND WHY>>>>>>>>>
Tennessee Titans @ New Orleans Saints
My Pick: Titans +3 (-105) WINNER 16-15 SAINTS SOME SPREADDDDD
Why: Mike Vrabel the mud monster. Honestly the Titans got fucked out of a 10 point swing. Why do refs blow the whistle when the ball is on the turf? I can give officials a fair amount of criticism as I ref hockey. I put my time in on Saturday and Sunday mornings. I understand it's a hard job, but if you see ball on ground, don't blow whistle. I'll talk more about the Titans later, but talk about a spread.
Las Vegas Raiders @ Denver Broncos
My Pick: Raiders +4 (-110) OUTRIGHT WINNER????? 17-16 RRRRRRRRrrrrrrraiders
Why: The Donkeys are still the Donkeys. I didn't know the Raiders were on a 7 game heater before this against Denver, but still. Russ had about 47 completions for under 200 yards. They do not scare me. Considering what else happened in the division, as a Chiefs fan this was best possible outcome. I'll talk more on the Raiders later, but this was the perfect Denver/Raiders game, it goes like this every time. Next time they play I will be on Vegas.
Arizona Cardinals @ Washington Commanders
My Pick: Washington -7 (-105) LOSER WASHINGTON 20-16 Washington
Why: Man I was asking for it when I said "Sam Howell= Kenny Pickett???" wasn't I? Arizona was ass and I was right about that. That Carson Wentz ass fumble by Howell almost made me vomit, and that was also when I thought Atlanta was going to sell my Survivor League. Rough start to the noon slate, thank god Vrabel pulled us from the mud. I can't trust Washington this week, or exactly fade Arizona due to the state this game left me in. Arizona's defense is dirty, which if you're going to be bad AND dirty, you have to respect it to a certain degree.
Carolina Panthers @ Atlanta Falcons
San Fran 49ers @ Pittsburgh Steelers
My Pick: Falcons/Steelers ML (+220) LOSER STEELERS LOST BY 1000
Why: I don't even want to look up the Steelers score due to how over that was early. If you had a San Francisco/ Miami Super Bowl ticket you had to laugh yourself to sleep Sunday night. San Fran looked the best in the NFC. I'll talk more on Dallas in a second, but wow Brock Purdy is a guy. How the fuck did Iowa beat ISU four times when they had Purdy and Breece Hall? Matt Campbell should have struck when the iron was hot. Let's keep our eye on San Fran.
I'll talk more on the Falcons in the picks
Dallas Cowboys @ New York Giants
My Pick: Giants +3.5 (-115) 40 BURGER LOSER
Why: Ironically I also didn't have to look up this score, but that's cause it was an easy number. 40 rip, 40 love, FOURTY TO NOTHING. I make this pick in this same scenario again. Danny Dimes is driving, center dirts the snap, fieldgoal get's blocked to the house, get started on laundry. Sunday Scaries are at the door. I was in a stoned/terrified state once this game got out of hand so I don't really have much more to say. I don't have these teams in any picks, but I got my EYE on them.
Buffalo Bills @ New York Jets
My Pick: Jets +2.5 (-110) OUTRIGHT WINNER J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS!!!! 22-16
Why: I owe Josh Allen for this one. Was he drunk? Did he have some alcohol beers at halftime? Did he microdose mushrooms at half? What the fuck was that? I know what I saw with the Jets. I saw it every game I bet on them last year. Praying your offense can break off a long run, and your defense are gods. I am very sad that Aaron Rodgers tore his achilles. As a football fan, this defense is still world beaters, 90% of Breece Hall appears to be just fine, Garrett Willson is here, and it won't matter. Take Prime's Son or the Duke Kid and let Aaron Rodgers get healthy and we'll revisit next year. As a fan of another contender, what I saw WITHOUT Aaron scares me of what they can be with him.
NOWWWWWWW THE PICKS >>>>>>>>>
Seattle Seahawks @ Detroit Lions
My Pick: SeaHawks +5.5 (-115)
Why: This isn't a rage bet against what happened on Thursday. This is just a blown up line that I have to call cap on. I have SB futures on both of these teams as well, so I need a taste as well. Seattle had 2 tackles go down and froze up. Blud has been sitting there for 45 minutes and he hasn't moved. A full week of practice with their new makeshift o-line will do them just right. The Chiefs couldn't get open against the Lions, and the only that could had a 'wicked case of the drahps' (boston accent). I think Seattle's weapons will have more success. Detroit comes back to earth but still goes to 2-0.
Score: 26-24 Detroit Rock City
Las Vegas Raiders @ Buffalo Bills
My Pick: Bills -9.5 (-110)
Why: My beloved Raiders. This is just a mash spot. This is a blow out, and it will be apparent early. The Bills lost the Zac Wilson last year, it happens. The defense for what it was worth held up their own. Josh Allen is a roller coaster as Nick Wright always says, he's going to take this game over early. If you like the Raiders and the number, maybe take first half as Jimmy G in the scripted plays looked the part.
Score: 33-20 Bills
LA Chargers @ Tennessee Titans
My Pick: Titans +3 (-115)
Why: Titans played about as poorly as they could on offense and still covered this on the road. I'm still getting a coaching advantage, against a team coming off a barn burner flying across the country. If I had any balls at all, I'd take Titans ML but the offense didn't sell me last week. Chargers lost the game last week in typical Chargers fashion. Dumbass penalties is bad situations and bad defensive play calls. How does Staley not know how to play Tyreek Hill? It's not like he came from the NFC...my brother in Christ he used to be in your division. I like Titans to win, but take the 3 and run.
Score: 24-23 Titans
Green Bay Packers @ Atlanta Falcons
My Pick: Falcons ML -104
Why: I have a lot of -115s, plus this is an apology pick to the Falcons. Their QB will look better and the Packers have always had a weakness against a good rushing offense. I understand their corners are ballers, but nobody shuts down Arthur Smith's weapons like he can. It won't matter. Falcons put out a lot of bad tape last week and the Packers didn't. Packers could have me in at QB and dance on the Bear's ashes. The Bear's didn't even have a good game plan, they are just a mess. Falcons control the game and Jordan Love looks a little more human.
Score: 23-20 Hotlanta
Baltimore Ravens @ Cincy Bengals
Kansas City Chiefs @ Jacksonville Jags
My Pick: KC/Bengals ML PARLAY (+136)
Why: This is certainly a crossover episode. Both of these guys are -3.5 and I just hate the hook. The Bengals couldn't have looked worse last weekend. They weren't getting pity PI's on deep balls and Joe Burrow couldn't find space in the pocket. But this is a banged up Ravens team, their Center and Guard might not play. Joe Burrow eats against the practice squad Ravens. No Brainer.
Kelce and Jones are back. The further we got into Sunday we learned that the Chiefs loss wasn't that bad. I'm not coping. Toney owned up to the drops. If you are a touchdown better I'd take a little Kelce/Toney/Chiefs ML bite for some juice. Andy always targets guys who fuck up, and Toney SOLD and is his WR1, so expect a lot of him. Jags have O-line injuries against the Chiefs offense that let up 14 points last week... getting their best player back.
If Joe Burrow, Josh Allen, and Mahomes lose all in a week... you have to mash them all, I don't make the rules.
Scores: 24-20 Cincy, 31-27 Chiefs
Miami Dolphins @ New England Patriots
My Pick: Patriots +3 (-115)
Why: This might be 2.5 by the time you read this, still take it. The Patriots are winning this game. Dolphins defense gave up a lot of points last week. Patriots defense had Jalen Hurts looking befuddled for a long time there. Dolphins are a very good football team but this is a bad spot. Mac Jones looked like he could complete passes last week. Bill Bellicheck invented the defense that lead to the Chiefs having to move on from Tyreek. Dolphins have the WR2 the Chiefs could never surround him with, but take the points and cross your fingers. Hopefully were in a good spot for the night game, as all of our other games will be over.
Score: 24-21 Patriots
Thanks for reading, back next week.
**BETS ARE PLAYED ON FANDUEL 1U OF MY CHOOSING, PICKS ARE NOT GAMBLING ADVICE**
Hello, my fellow degenerates. The Beard is back at it with ANOTHER TASTY ARTICLE for your viewing pleasure.
Welcome to another exhilarating edition of Thirst Trap! We're here to break down the upcoming showdown between the Minnesota Vikings and the Philadelphia Eagles. We've got a lineup of player prop picks, anytime touchdown predictions, and our game pick. Let's get started:
Player Prop Picks:
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Kirk Cousins Over 3.5 Rushing Yards - Kirk will be on the run in this game, and we don't expect him to kneel at the end, so this should be a safe bet.
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Dallas Goebert Under 4.5 Receptions - With Hurts potentially not needing to throw often, Goebert might not see as many targets as usual.
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TJ Hockenson Under 49.5 Receiving Yards - Hockenson has struggled to clear this line in recent games, and the Vikings will likely target the Eagles' injury-riddled secondary.
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Alexander Mattison Over 12.5 Rushing Attempts - Mattison should see plenty of carries as the Vikings look to establish the run.
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AJ Brown Under 5.5 Receptions - The under has been hitting for Brown, with five of his last six games falling below this line.
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Jalen Hurts Under 21.5 Pass Completions - Hurts has only surpassed this line three times in his last ten games, and with a potential ground-heavy approach, he might not need to throw much.
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Hurts INT (+146) - This is a juicy play, banking on a potential interception from Hurts.
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Jalen Hurts Under 249.5 Passing Yards - Hurts has struggled to clear this number, only clearing at this total 2 of his last 10. Making this a favorite play for this game.
Anytime Touchdown Picks:
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Jalen Hurts (-115) - Betting on the Hurts to find the endzone at home in front of the single women of Philadelphia is as much of a lock as Burrow shitting the bed in Week 1 (Check the six pack)
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Justin Jefferson (+110) - Jefferson is a strong candidate to score against the Eagles' defense after getting absolutely waxed by Slay last year. He is too good to go two weeks without the endzone. Let me see that Giddy
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Alexander Mattison (+135) - Mattison could punch it in, more of a value play here. I am thinking, PI for J Jeff in the end zone, followed by a one yard dive for Mattison.
Game Pick:
Eagles -6 (-115) - We're rolling with the Eagles, who are favored by six points in this matchup. As Khamzat has so cleverly coined in the UFC. The Eagles are coming home to "smash on everbody!"
As always, remember to gamble responsibly, and let's enjoy the excitement of the game! Don't forget to subscribe, like, and share your thoughts on our picks in the comments below. Stay thirsty for more betting insights, and may the odds be in your favor!
Remember
THOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU SHALLLLLTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT COVERRRRRRRRRRRRR
BOL
-The Beard
As the title says, I'm completely new to betting on any sports, but there is a winner-take-all series going on at my office, and I want to give it a go since the buy-in isn't much
The objective is to pick one team each week. The person with the most wins at the end of the season takes the pot. I don't think it matters how much The only rule is you can't pick the same team twice.
Anyone have any insight on the best strategy for this?