My current husband just revealed to me that he has a crush on my adult daughter. He and I have been together for 13 years and married for 9. I share 50/50 custody with her father so she has lived with us half the time since she was 10. She is 19 now. He said these feelings have developed over the past year. He claimed that he told me about this because he wants these feelings to resolve and go away, loves, and wants to stay married to me. The issue is that he told her first knowing full well that she would reject him. Because of course she would and she did in fact reject him. She can barely stand him although she has warmed up to him as she has matured into young adulthood. He claims to be very sorry about these feelings, that he understands these feelings are wrong, and that he regrets not telling me first, that he just told her spur of the moment without thinking (they were talking in text about her relationship that is ending; she’s vacationing in Greece atm), but I feel like he only regrets it because he got rejected and has put our marriage in grave jeopardy. I feel like something in his male apparently damaged mind thought he had a glimmer of a chance because they’re so much alike and because she has warmed up to him in recent years. She used to hate him which I think is normal in terms of step-parent/children relationships. I really don’t know what he was thinking. I can’t be sure of anything. This has blindsided me in a way that nothing has ever before in my life and I’ve been through some trials for sure. This has also changed the way I see him significantly. He’s always been an honorable man. Not perfect, but honorable. Now I feel like he is tarnished and has tarnished our love and our marriage. People make mistakes but this is perverse and now I feel like I HAVE to leave him. I’m not concerned that he would actually do anything untoward in actions. I believe that he is genuinely sorry and perhaps confused by these feelings as well, but I am more concerned that she will feel awkward now around him and she still lives at home part of the time. I feel like it’s my duty to her to leave him. Her feelings are most important. Her safety, comfort, and happiness is paramount. This just happened a couple of hours ago so my emotions are very raw. I guess I already know what I’m going to do. This situation is made more difficult by the fact that I am a dual citizen USA/Europe and the country I live (for the past 20 years) in is not my home country. Leaving would mean that I would have to return to my country and reveal to my family what has happened. Its just so embarrassing. I’m so ashamed. I feel like this is my fault since I chose to be with this man. Even if he is genuinely sorry and is able to resolve and get beyond his feelings for her, how could I ever trust him again? How are the three of us supposed to live in the same house without it being weird? Most importantly for her. He has truly broken my heart in a way I didn’t even know was possible and I have had more than my fair share of heartache throughout my life. Can we come back from this? I don’t know if we can. I don’t know if we should. I thought we were happy! I’ve always been so careful to check in with him and make sure that he is happy. I’m certainly not perfect and have made mistakes, but I have always done everything to make our marriage a thing to be cherished and to make his life one of love and joy. I have been earnest in these endeavors. I never thought in a million years he could develop feelings for my daughter. He has never behaved in any way that was inappropriate in the slightest. No ogling or inappropriate touching. And I’ve been watching him like a hawk all these years. I remember when that whole Woody Allen - Sun-Li thing happened. I remember thinking how horrible that was. It’s the ultimate betrayal far beyond random affairs or cheating one-night stands. Damn. Never thought I’d end up like a Mia Farrow. I feel so shattered. I know marriages end but I never in a million years thought that my marriage would or could end like this. I’m beside myself with grief, disappointment, confusion, and hurt. And I’m scared.