I said goodbye to my 14 year old good boy last night. His health declined rapidly between Thursday and last night. It was terrifying and I cried so much in the days leading up. Now I feel just numb. I won't get his ashes for 6-8 weeks. All I have is his collar, his favorite lamb chops, and some paw prints we got. My best friend, his auntie, was there with us, holding me, taking pictures, driving me home. We did everything we could to give him the best last few hours. A pup cup, a cheeseburger, love and cuddles. I told him how much I loved him up until I had to leave the vet.

I couldn't sleep last night. It felt so quiet. Weird that he wasn't crying outside the bathroom for me, or crying to go outside a few times during the night. I knew all this was coming, but it's so hard that it was so sudden. I miss him so much but I know he's up there with my other dog, reunited after 5 years.

My Fiancé and I just got a dog on Thursday. The dog is a female, she is so great, she is completely potty trained, not aggressive, super sweet and rarely barks. Almost I would say the perfect dog for us. I was really excited to get a dog as I always had a dog in the house while I was growing up. I had 7 different dogs from the age 3-18, even at one point having 5 dogs. So taking care of a dog is nothing new to me, I know all of the challenges that come with it and the dog I have is certainly much lower maintenance than many of the dogs I had growing up. The first night we got her one of her stitches pulled loose (she was spayed the day before we got her) which resulted in a trip to the emergency vet. They fixed the stitch, we were in and out in 30 minutes, we were all good. Later that night she started throwing up, which we think was likely a reaction to the pain medicine she was prescribed. She stopped throwing up Saturday (second full day we had her) and has been normal since then. Ever since the first night, I have had horrible anxiety every time I see our dog. I work from home so I am around her a lot, but every time I see her I get an overwhelming since of anxiety in my chest. I have experienced instances like this before, usually only surrounding when my fiancé and I had relationship troubles. I really dont know what is causing the anxiety since she isnt getting sick anymore, she’s acting normal and healthy, and she is so loving. I dont get nervous about leaving the dog at home alone, I actually feel relieved when I am out of the house. My fiancé absolutely adores her and I feel so bad that I almost dont even want to see the dog since every time I do I get a horrible pit of anxiety in my stomach. Its affecting me to the point where its hard to eat and sleep.

Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with this or what may be the cause? I am looking into going into therapy if this is something that continues.

Thanks in advance.