The wife acts surprised, because the man has been employee of the month for 13 months in a row. She asks "What happened?" "I got fired for putting my penis in the potato cutter. It's been a dream of mine, and I couldn't resist it anymore", the man replied. The wife, even more surprised after hearing what happened, asked if everything is okay with his penis. "Yes everything is fine with the penis", he replied. "What about the potato cutter?", she asked. A bit ashamed, he replied "she got fired as well !!"
He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden. The man sees a very nice looking greyhound sitting there.
"Do you really talk?" he asks the greyhound.
"Oh yes," the greyhound replies.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the greyhound talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story."
The greyhound looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I joined the SAS, I thought they’d have me fighting, but turned out I was more useful as a spy, so the transferred me to MI5 - they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with world leaders and that , because no one imagined that a greyhound would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years.
Eventually though, the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals.
Did that for a few years, but recently I got married, had a few puppies, and I’ve made a bit of cash over the years, so now I've just retired."
The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the greyhound.
"Ten quid," the owner says.
"£10!!? But this greyhound is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"
"Because he's a lying bastard. He's never been out of the garden!”
After this had occurred, the Prime Minister approached him.
"Dearest Putin, I had a problem. I called my relatives in the east to wish them good night, and they told me they were on the beach enjoying the sun."
"And then I called my family in Kaliningrad to wish them a happy holiday, and they said the holiday was already over."
"And then I called Xi Jinping to wish him a happy new year, and he said 'what, it's still the old year'."
Putin nodded his head sympatheticly, saying:
"I, too, have had these kinds of problems. I called Prigozhin's family to offer them condolences, but it turned out we hadn't even killed him yet."