A man is in his boat out on the lake with a bucket full of fish that he had just caught. A wildlife officer spots him and pulls his boat up alongside. Seeing the bucket of fish in the man's boat, the wildlife officer asks to see his fishing license.
The man tells the officer that he doesn't need a fishing license.
The wildlife officer looks down at the bucket and says "you definitely need a license to be catching fish, I can see that you've been fishing today. You have live fish right there."
The man says "oh no, those are my pet fish. I just brought them out here for the day to enjoy the lake."
"Pet fish?" Replied the wildlife officer
"Oh absolutely, I let him out of the bucket and they swim around and play, but when I whistle they all jump right back in. They are very well trained."
The wildlife officers scratches his chin, then says. "I've never heard such a. Well I've got to see this."
The man dumps the bucket of fish into the lake, then calmly turns and looks at the wildlife officer.
The wildlife officer says. "Well, call them back. "
The man says "call who back."
The wild life officer says "your pet fish."
"What fish?" Replied the man.
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when an angel comes to him with a message that he needs to attend to. Not wanting to leave the Gates unattended, he looks around for help. Just at that moment, he sees Jesus coming around the corner so he calls him over.
"Hey Jesus, can you help me out? I need to take care of something. Could you manage the Gates for a while?"
"Sure," answers Jesus. "Just tell me what you need me to do."
St. Peter explains: "It's pretty easy. Every time someone wants to enter Heaven, you sit down with him and have a little chat about what he used to do when he was alive, who his family was. That sort of stuff. And then you decide whether they are allowed entry or not."
"Sounds ok, I got you." Jesus says.
Thanking Jesus, St. Peter leaves.
After a few minutes, the first person, an old man, approaches the Gates of Heaven.Jesus welcomes the man and invites him to sit down.
"So," Jesus starts "tell me something about yourself. What was your profession during your life on earth?"
"I was a carpenter." the old man answers.
"Hey nice! Just like my father." Jesus remarks. "Tell me something about your family."
The old man sighs and looks sad. "I used to have a son, but I lost him."
Kindly, Jesus asks him "Can you tell me more about your son?"
"Well," the old man says, taking a deep breath. "It was kind of a strange story. He was born without being conceived and he had holes in his hands and feet."
Stunned, Jesus leans forward and looks at the old man, his voice a mere whisper. "F-f-father?"
Full of hope, the old man looks up into Jesus' eyes and whispers
"Pinocchio?"
the wife said to her husband, "Honey if I were to die, would you get remarried?" The husband thought for a moment and then said, "Well, yes I think I would." The wife wasn't too happy about this, she spent some time in quiet thought. Then, after a while she said, "Honey, if I were to die and you were to get remarried, would you give your new wife my jewelry?" "Well honey, I guess I would." The wife wasn't too happy about this either. She spent a little more time in thought while they continued their drive, and then said, "Honey, if I were to die and you were to get remarried, would you give your new wife my handbags?" The husband paused for a moment and then said, "Well sure, I think I would." The wife was again a little dismayed with this and spent a little more time in thought. Then she said to her husband, "Honey if I were to die and you were to get married again would you give your new wife my golf clubs?" "No," he said, "she's left-handed."