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(Sorry ahead of time for the length of this one, but there is a lot of key details I think are important) I know how this sounds, but hear me out. This is also not my usual account but I don’t want to risk my wife seeing this, as it is currently a sensitive subject.

My wife (female 43) and I (Male 47) have a daughter (Female 21) who goes to college out of state. We will call my wife Meg and my daughter Jess.

Jess is in her Junior year of college. Over the summer she was employed by her university and was able to stay in the dorms. After summer she was moving out of the dorms and into her own apartment off campus.

Meg and I live in the PNW (Jess goes to school on the east coast). We usually go to visit Jess a couple times throughout the semester, typically parents weekend and move out day. She also comes home during the holidays.

Let me start by saying that traveling with my wife is not a great experience. I am very type a, I like to have everything organized and make sure that we get where we need to be early, especially when traveling. My wife is the opposite, very “go with the flow” and “we will get there when we get there”. I do my best to meet in the middle, but not when traveling by plane.

Last year, during parents weekend Meg and I were going to fly out to see Jess. Our flight was at 10am. Our airport isn’t huge, but not a tiny airport either. I told my wife that we needed to be at the airport 90 minutes early, and we live about 30 minutes for the airports. This being said I wanted to leave at the very latest by 8, since we would also need to park and walk a little bit.

I of course got up at 6, to make sure everything was ready and accounted for. My wife does not like to get up early. It took me attempting to wake her up 5 times before she eventually got up at 740 then wanted to make coffee, shower, and eat a bowl of cereal … let’s just say that we didn’t leave the house until 9. It ended up being busier at the airport than normal (likely due to many colleges having parents weekend) and it took so long to get through security that we missed our flight.

Rightly so, the airline refused to refund our ticket. We were able to get new tickets but not until the next day and missed Friday afternoon and Saturday morning with our daughter. Jess was disappointed to say the least.

Fast forward to now. We were flying down for a long weekend to help her move. We take one flight from our town to a bigger town nearby, then fly from there to my daughters college town.

Again it was a long morning of me pushing my wife getting her to move along. Due to the last airport mishap I wanted to make sure I told her we needed to leave extra early as to not miss the flight again.

We got there on time, with a bit of time to spare, and my wife was annoyed. Kept going on about how now we just have to sit and wait for 45 minutes for them to start boarding.

We took our first flight and landed in the connecting city, at a much larger airport. We only had about 1 hour layover. We got off the plane at 915 and our next plane started boarding at 940. We had to take multiple rails to get from where we landed to our terminal. We got to our terminal and had about 15 minutes until our plane was set to board.

My wife tells me that she wants to get coffee. There was a little market next to our terminal that sold hot food and coffee. I asked if she wanted me to go grab it for her. “No I want Starbucks” she said. Well Starbucks we a rail ride away, and a little bit of a walk. I told her we couldn’t do that, we didn’t have enough time. She stated that we had enough time and if I wouldn’t go with her she would go by herself. I tried to discourage her but she was determined. She walked away, at a brisk pace for her, and said she would be back in time.

15 minutes went by and she was no where to be seen. The started calling boarding groups, I called my wife hoping she was near by, she didn’t answer. They called a few groups, then called ours. In a panic I called my wife again, 3 times, finally on the last call she answered and said she was on her way, it was a long line and she had to wait a bit. I told her they were almost done with boarding and she needed to hurry up.

I waited by the gate but the attendant said they would need to shut the gate in 2 minutes. I waited and waited, but she didn’t show up. The attendant asked if I wanted to board, otherwise she was closing the gate. I tried to plead with her to wait a couple of minutes but she insisted that she couldn’t. So, I boarded the plane.

A few minutes later my wife calls me saying the the attendant won’t let her on, they had already removed the boarding ramp at that point. She told me I needed to tell them to let me off the plane to be with her and I said no. It is not fair to do this again to Jess, I said I told you we didn’t have time but you decided to go anyways. I told her to go purchase a new ticket for the next flight and I would see her when she arrives.

She got to Jess’s school and seemed unbothered by the whole situation, didn’t even really talk about it. I thought maybe she realized it was her fault and just wanted to drop it.

Boy was I wrong. We are now home and she hasn’t talked to me since the trip, over a week ago, and is insisting that I am an asshole. So, am I the asshole?

I (32m, white) am potentially in trouble at work, but I don't really think I deserve it.

My coworker, "Anna" (23-ish f, asian), is new at our office and she brings her own lunch on days we don't have a food truck. On Thursday (yesterday), she brought in a homemade stir fry and used our shared microwave in the break room to do it. I was in the room when she took it out of the microwave, and it smelled heavenly. I asked her about the recipe and she told me it was just a bunch of ingredients and spices thrown together as to not waste any veggies that might go bad soon.

When I was telling her how good it smelled, I also mentioned that some other people at the office might think it would be too smelly or ethnic (as in, racist people tend to look down on "ethnic" things). I have read those kind of stories on here about microagressions when it comes to people of color and the food they bring in, and I wanted to warn her that she might not want to bring it in anymore so it doesn't happen to her. I emphasized that it smelled good to me personally, though.

I guess a couple of the other co-workers in the room overheard our conversation, because after Anna left the room, some of them sort of quietly told me how it was inappropriate for me to have said that. I told them that it's true, that ethnic food gets ridiculed for smelling too strong and that I disagreed with that senitment, but I also think she would face less harassment if she didn't bring in that food anymore. One of my other coworkers then said that "I was the only one harassing her" and making insinuations that her food is problematic, plus the fact that she hasn't even been bringing in her own food that often since she just started last week, so there couldn't have been an opportunity to have had this hypothetical harassment happen to her. I just wanted people, yes, even the assholes, at the office to make her feel welcomed.

I left work that day not thinking anything of it, until the following morning where I hear from a different coworker that Anna talked to our HR department about the conversation and how she was "hurt". I'm a bit frustrated as to why she didn't talk to me about it first since it was just a misunderstanding and that I'm looking out for her. I did notice that today she was trying to dodge me, which is unusual and a bit heartbreaking. I just want to work things out. I wanted to be a friend to her and help her out since this is one of her first jobs out of undergrad, but this has been blown of out proportion. Now my coworkers think I'm racist, but I really try my best to be an ally, but then again what do I know?

So, am I the asshole for telling her that her food might be a bit too much for other potentitally racist people in the office to handle?