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this is a community like r/AmITheAsshole except unlike that subreddit here you can post interpersonal conflicts, anything that's AITA but is not allowed there even posting about Scar from the lion king and trying to convince redditors that he was not the AH. rules: don't berate others and no pornography we have children here
My (26F) fiancé (26M) sat me down yesterday and gave me a long talk about how he feels like I don't contribute enough to the household, particularly in the financial sense. I was a bit caught off guard by this, but was willing to hear him out, since he wasn't wrong. He makes a lot more than I do, and we've always split bills accordingly, which ends up being about 80% him. I asked what he wanted me to pay now, and he was adamant about it being 50/50.
I asked if everything was okay with his job, or if he needed to take fewer hours, and he wouldn't answer me. I honestly wouldn't have gotten upset if there seemed like an actual reason behind it, but he just said he'd been thinking about it a lot, over and over, every time I asked what brought him to this conclusion, what was going on, and eventually he just said "this is how it's going to be, take it or leave it." Those exact words, in response to literally everything I said. Full shutdown. No explanations.
I told him that was fine I'll take it, and then asked if he'd made a zillow account yet, or expected me to. He looked confused, and asked why we would need a zillow account. I explained that there's no way I can afford half rent on our current place, so we'll probably have to move into a one-bedroom apartment. He got mad and asked why I didn't have savings. I told him that I do, but I'm not paying rent out of my savings, because that's a terrible and unsustainable idea. I also began to go over what our new food budget would be, our new entertainment budget, and that we'd probably have to sell the cars and get one less expensive one because I can't afford half of the payments on an Audi and a Land Rover. Then I explained that date nights would probably have to be reduced too, and we could still do, like Buffalo Wild Wings or something, but I preferred Thursday nights because you get two orders of boneless wings for one. Basically, if he wants me to pay half, we're living within my means, not his anymore.
He kind of agreed to it, but since then, he's been incredibly angry. He's not saying or doing anything, but it's like he's walking around the house in this cloud of pissed-off. I sent him six zillow listings, all of which he's called uninhabitable for various reasons, some of which I think were valid, others I disagree with. He's now saying that I'm being unfair and manipulative, and that he tried to come to me with a serious concern about our relationship and I'm making it impossible for him to talk to me, and bulldozing over him.
AITA?
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