She approaches the stunned guy and says: "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years," replies the stunned man. With that she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says: "Man, oh man! Is that good!" "And how long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?" she asks him. Trembling the castaway replies: "Ten years." She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says: "WOW, that's absolutely fantastic!" At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man seductively, and asks: "And how long has it been since you've had some real fun?" With tears in his eyes, the guy falls to his knees and sobs: "Oh good Lord! Don't tell me you've got a laptop?"
The next day the old man comes back with the jar in hand. It's as clean and empty as it was the previous day. "Did you have a little trouble?" asked the doctor. A pause, then he says, "When I got home I tried, you know? First, with the right hand. Next, with the left hand. Nothing. That I asked my wife for some help. She tried too. With her left hand, with the right hand, with her mouth, she even put it under her armpit. Nothing. "Now we got us a friend, down the street. She helps us with things now and again from time to time, seeing as how we're getting on in age, and she's trying with her left, with her right..." "Hold on," the doctor says, "you asked your neighbor for help?" "Yeah, but none of us could get that jar open."
A showerhead