First off, by no means is this a rant about GW with balancing or anything. My 10th Ed games have been the most fun with 40k I've had in a long time. I'm just a very casual nid player looking to vent with my frustrations. I genuinely find the "40k nid players" to be a unique and lovely crew.

I can rarely recall a game in the last 13 years that I walked away from thinking "man that was a blast I can't wait to do it again."

I almost always walk away thinking "holy shit I just got my ass kicked. what do I take to fix that"

I don't think nids are bad or anything, I just suck. It's me. I'm the bad hive mind. I'm no terrifying shadow in the warp, just a slight bump in a road.

I forget rules. I misinterpret rules. I can't see a few turns ahead. I take units who are fragile and then leave them in the open trying to assault the enemy and, oop, there they go getting shot and killed. I'm just bad.

This extends to other tabletop games I play. I don't bring my friends/opponents a good time. They pity me. They hold back from playing well to try and help me enjoy these games. Literally my buddy tonight said "if I was playing a tournament or against someone try harding I would do this" in regards to a really cool strategy he had. But he didn't because he pitied me. That hurt. I know he meant well and it allowed our game to last longer but to know I couldn't bring him a good enough challenge just hurts.

So after some retrospection I think I gotta quit. I feel bad after every game. Playing doesn't bring anywhere near as much joy as planning to play does. It's so much more fun to build lists, buy or print minis, and paint them without realizing I'll just be shit at playing them.

Sorry to be dramatic. Just overwhelmed with emotion tonight. Failed my IRL battleshock test lolol

Thank you fellow synapse readers, I appreciate you listening to my rants into the warp