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“If everyone likes you, you have never said anything true. Anytime you speak the truth, some people are going to hate you.”

- Bill Maher -

“I don’t want my president to be a TV star. You don’t have to be on television every minute of every day – you’re the president, not a rerun of ‘Law & Order’.”

- Bill Maher -

“I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.”

- Bill Maher -

“Why can’t God just defeat the devil and get rid of evil? It’s the same reason the comic book character can’t get rid of his nemesis; then there’s no story.”

- Bill Maher -

“If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.”

- Bill Maher -

“Since Tom DeLay has done only two things since leaving politics – ‘Dancing with the Stars’, and now prison, somebody must tell him: there are easier ways to have sex with men.”

- Bill Maher -

“When you tolerate intolerance, you are not really being a liberal.”

- Bill Maher -

“It’s amazing, the world now has more oil than it has places to store it. Even Don Jr.’s hair is at capacity.”

- Bill Maher -

“The BP oil spill is the worst thing to happen to beaches since the Speedo.”

- Bill Maher -

“Don’t you miss the days when America was just MORALLY bankrupt?”

- Bill Maher -

“The irony is what we love most about our cars—the feeling of freedom they provide—has made us slaves. Slaves to cheap oil, which has corrupted our politics, threatened our environment and funded our enemies.”

- Bill Maher -

“I believe in the death penalty, but with better DNA testing – my slogan is ‘Let’s Kill The right People'”

- Bill Maher -

“Religion is insanity by consensus.”

- Bill Maher -

“George Bush, compared to these tea baggers, he looks like a professor.”

- Bill Maher -

“I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.”

- Bill Maher -

“If you think you have it tough, read history books.”

- Bill Maher -

“Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don’t have all the answers to think that they do.”

- Bill Maher -

“To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who’s your real friend? It’s the person who tells you the truth. That’s who my real friends are. So, you know, I think as far as our country goes, we need more people who will do that.”

- Bill Maher -

“Wow just read Oxford Dictionary added OMG and LOL as words! WTF??”

- Bill Maher -

“If you don’t know how to feel about the arrest of Julian Assange here’s the rule in Trumpworld: Hiding in an embassy? Bad if you have secrets. Chopping someone up in an embassy? Good if you have oil.”

- Bill Maher -