My (28f) ex-fiancée “Derek” (32m) disappeared the morning of our wedding 2 years ago, evading all attempts to reach him from myself and his family. It was devastating, absolutely soul crushing, the event turned into a party to distract from the pain of the unknown, afterwards I returned to our apartment and slept on the bathroom floor in my wedding dress. It was quite the ugly sight to be honest. His mother ended up coming to the apartment when she informed me tearfully that Derek had run off with an ex of his, they had apparently reconnected a week prior to wedding and he just couldn’t go through with it opting instead to rekindle his relationship with his ex. His family was horrified, I didn’t hear from him until 3 months after he left. He called me, apologised and then revealed that his ex had been hiding his child from him that he just found out about, he wanted to be with them. That’s pretty much all that was said, I didn’t say much, actually I think I only said “hello”. The whole situation left me numb, I just didn’t care anymore. Thankfully though my friends were and continue to be there for me, through all of this muck, they encouraged me to seek therapy and work on healing. Which I’ll be honest was terribly difficult, but after year I felt myself again.

Which brings me to today, after the this whole debacle and subsequent self improvement/rebuilding I moved to the UK (originally from Australia) for a change in scenery. Last night I got a message request on instagram, it was Derek. “Hey 👋🏻, I’ve heard you moved to Wales, that’s so cool, I’m travelling to Cardiff towards of the end of July. I’m deeply sorry about everything and I want to discuss what happened leading up to the wedding. I hope Im not overwhelming you, let me know if you’d like to talk over lunch.” Firstly, no idea who told him about my move. Secondly, I don’t know if I crave closure from him, but I also don’t won’t to decide to decline to only layer on regret my decision.

So I turn to you strangers of the internet, what should I think about before reaching a decision? Would be wise to decline or should I humour him and listen to his “reasons”?

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Posted by18 hours ago

My boyfriend commented on my body hair last night

Personal Write In

We were watching TV last night when I asked my (25F) boyfriend (27M) to massage my back. He eventually stopped after 2-3 minutes and started touching my lower back and said "I had never noticed you had hair there". I asked him if it bothered him. He said his preference is hairless. I couldn't stop myself and started crying. He had unknowingly tapped in one of my insecurities.

For context, I'm a hairy girly and have been stuggling with the maintenance of it since I was a teenager. I have paid over thousands of dollars in laser hair removal for my bikini, arms, cheek peach fuzz and thighs.

I tought after almost two years of relationship I could be comfortable around him and I still maintain the rest of the body hair I have (armpits, legs).

I just don't know how to feel, he felt awful and comforted me right away. I understand a preference, but pointing out something on my body feels horrible. Anyway had to share, I guess I'll be buying hair removal cream. I'm trying my best to remain comfortable about my body around him but its not easy. I feel like I'm always one comment away from him noticing another imperfection about my body.

Edit:

I'm not saying he's an asshole, maybe I was just looking for reassurance on what I considered something normal to have or shared experiences. He felt bad for suggesting I remove it.

I'm not sure I love the comments about therapy on here, although I already am and yes I'm overall confident, this is my insecurity and I do think its normal I shed a tear or two over it. It has cost me alot to get rid of it and I felt like it still wasn't enough which is why I cried.

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Posted by17 hours ago

AITA for not having sex with my husband in over a year.

AITA

I just watched the episode with Hannah Berner. They talked about a couple who argued about the guy hypothetically wouldn’t have sex with the person carrying his baby.

Well this is not a hypothetical. I was 5 1/2 months pregnant when my husband first declined sex with me. This continued for a couple weeks when I finally asked what the problem was. Turns out he was not comfortable having sex with me because I was big and pregnant. Not sure how he actually worded it, but there isn’t a sweet way to say that.

Anyway now my son is nearly 10 months old and I still have not had sex with my husband. Before you get the wrong idea this is not a spite thing. My body has obviously changed a lot and I feel that if he couldn’t have sex before because of the temporary way I looked while in basically my most magical era, he probably won’t be very impressed with how my body is looking now. I am 30 lbs heavier than pre-pregnancy weight I have all sorts of marks from pregnancy. None of my clothes fit anymore. I am not self conscious about any of it I just no longer feel safe with him in that way. Idk. Any advice would also be great.

Edit: We communicate. We are both respectful of each others boundaries. We both agreed we can withstand a break from sex since I wasn’t feeling completely confortable now with everything in consideration. We do not believe in divorce. My husband and I have been working on our intimacy on other levels first. I did have postpartum anxiety so sex definitely hasn’t been a priority.

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Posted by15 hours ago

my FIL thinks i’m a gold digger

Personal Write In

my FIL thinks i’m after his sons money because he “never saw me pay” for anything. i’m paying my fiancés debt, medical bills, and i’ve supported him financially when he was in between jobs. he demanded to see my paystubs when we were arguing one day because he’s “the man of the house and deserves that respect”. i told him what to do with himself and that my finances are between him and my fiancé. my fiancé was frozen with shock and couldn’t bring himself to say anything until his dad mentioned my estranged father. we left immediately after.

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Posted by17 hours ago

Landlord Airbnb’d my home while I was on vacation (not my story)

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Posted by1 day ago

I ended my friendship with “for real FUCK YOU”

Personal Write In

3 years ago I moved to a new city alone (32F) and 1.5years in became friends with a neighbor (24F) in my building. Basically our dogs fell in love, and so we started to hang out.

We became really close and bonded over our dogs, difficult childhoods, tv shows, and board games. She said she considered me “like a sister.” She was beginning to be really codependent and I had started implementing some boundaries, nothing crazy just choosing to spend time with myself some days instead of her nearly everyday.

I would often watch their dogs for free. I work from home and my dog loves hers. This increased to 3-4x a week, again for free. I NEVER accepted money. For me it was a win win, they knew their dogs wouldn’t be by themselves for 12hrs and my dog had her friends. They would watch my dog from time to time when I had a date or a family thing.

A few months ago, I was being flown across the country for work and asked her watch my dog. Again, win win. My dog is my best friend and she means everything to me. I told the friend I was nervous about leaving her and that it would be the longest and furthest I had been away from her.

She accepted immediately and told me not to worry.

I told her my travel schedule (leaving at 4am) and she said she “would grab my dog before work and put her in their apartment.” This would be like 7:30am.

The night before I left I confirmed with her in person and she said she may even get my dog earlier because she was having trouble sleeping.

I got up the next morning, got ready for the airport, walked my dog and then texted the friend when I left.

It wasn’t until 10am at home that I texted her again, with something funny I saw on my layover. We texted for a bit and then I got on my last flight. By the time I land it’s 4pm at home, I’m picking up my rental car and text her that I made it to my destination and asked how excited my dog was when she saw her picking her up.

She then told me she NEVER picked her up. Meaning my dog was home alone, without anywhere to potty (her place uses pee pads - my dog is potty trained) for 12hrs!

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COPYRIGHT NOTICE: Things posted on this page are for use on Two Hot Takes podcast and accounts. Subreddit for listeners of the Two Hot Takes Podcast! Here you can post your own write ins, thoughts on the stories shared on the pod, any ideas for future episodes, etc.

Created May 26, 2021

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