I’ve always felt like I ate like a pig - wanting another serving, hungry after dinner, sneaking dessert…and I gained weight (about 65 lbs) after college when I felt like there were no prying eyes on my food/drink (I’m an alcoholic) intake.

I recently visited my mother and had a moment of clarity as to why I felt so guilty for so long!

She has issues with food and, more generally, control. We grazed lightly for breakfast, then ate leftover food from the night before for lunch. She had finished her food and was watching me eat (something I HATE), and proclaimed, “Well, I don’t think we’ll be eating dinner tonight!!”

I looked up at her from my average sized bowl of tofu masala, and said “Um, I think we’re allowed two or three meals a day”. She didn’t really have a reply. But it made me realize that I felt surveyed, restricted and judged under her watch.

For perspective, she eats much less than she should, clocking in at around 1100-1300 calories daily.

I feel like I no longer have to be hungry when I visit her. I went out and bought some snacks today and….DIDN’T hide them! She noticed them and I think it made her uncomfortable. But I don’t have to under eat because she does, nor do I have to eat ALL the food I can while no one is home. Whew.

P.S. I’ve lost almost 50 of the 65 pounds so far.