I have been wondering since my daughter, Ellie, passed where she is. I think she is somewhere else, but it's hard for me to imagine where. I would like to believe she's in heaven but I am not a religious person and I most often speak to the universe as a whole when I'm struggling or want to talk to the something more omniscient. I've begun speaking out loud to my daughter and sometimes I pretend that I'm leaving her voicemails in heaven. I cannot even imagine or see sometimes though, what it is. I can't see her growing up and doing other things somewhere that isn't here and it makes me feel so cruel and evil. I am struggling.

I think that most religions point to a man or entity that is all-knowing and loving. I guess what I am searching for is some validation that Ellie and I will be reunited, that even if I am not the strongest believer that I'll be forgiven (even if I didn't repent and do all the things) and that there will be some sort of end to my suffering.

I know no one knows for sure until we get to the end, but I guess I needed to get the words out to someone, somewhere. I'm sorry for my rambling...