They are lined up in the yard to be killed. The main guard went up to the Brunette. “You have a choice on how you would like to die: by electric chair, firing squad, or hanging. Which will it be?”

The Brunette replied, “I’ll take the electric chair.”

She was led away by two other guards to the electric chair. She was strapped in and the executioner flipped the switch. The Brunette flinched before noticing that nothing happened. Not even a spark.

“Nothing’s happening,” cried the Brunette.

“What? That’s impossible! How?!” yelled the executioner.

“I don’t know, but maybe it’s a sign?” The Brunette replied.

“A sign from above! This must be divine intervention! Release her!”

The guards followed the executioner’s orders and unstrapped the Brunette, leading her back out. She passed the Red Head as she walked back. She leans towards the Red Head.

“The chair’s not working.” she whispered. The Red Head nodded and she watched as the Brunette was led away. The main guard approaches the Red Head. “I present to you the same choice. Which will it be?”

The Red Head replied, “I’ll do the electric chair.”

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Posted by5 hours ago

A city in the north of the United Kingdom has gone missing!

The police are lookng for Leeds.

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Posted by6 hours ago

I cant believe they are going to arrest me for impersonating a politician

I just literally did nothing.

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Posted by8 hours ago

Long

It’s been a long week in the greengrocers ….

It’s been a long week in the greengrocers but it finally gets to Friday night and three best mates - a lemon, a potato and a pea - decide to have a couple of beers after work, as so often happens, soon they’re on a full on pub crawl...

They have a great night, hitting pub after pub , knocking back drinks, doing shots, cheeky Nando’s and all that - but being so genetically different, the alcohol affects them each in different ways: the lemon got very acidic and refluxy; the potato, being a big starchy chap, took the booze in his stride; while the little pea reacted to all the sugar and started to get a bit hyper.

At the end of the night, the three friends found themselves leaving a bar at the top of a tall hill - pea started bouncing up and down excitedly:

"Lads! Lads!” He yells “ I've got a great idea! We’re all vaguely round in shape, let's not get a cab home, let's just roll down the hill!" and before the others could protest he was off - shooting down the hill at a rate of knots.

The lemon lurched after him, but due to his shape he’s rolling violently from side to side as he went, which did nothing for his unsettled stomach.

The potato has a few more lumps and bumps, and so he’s much slower trundling down behind the other two

By the time poor potato bounces his way to the bottom of the hill, lemon is laying there- spewing lemon juice all over the pavement, but pea is still full on - already jumping up and down, telling the others “come on lads!!! that was great, that was great, lots do it again!".

lemon wants none of it - more lime coloured than lemon now. chundering up his pips but pea doesn’t to care "Come on! let's go again, that was great!".

Potato wearily turns to him and says

"Easy peasy, lemon's queasy.”

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