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Pregnancy/Infant/Child Loss Support

r/babyloss

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Posted by
Mama to an Angel
9 years ago

BabyLoss Resources and Additional Places for Help

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30 comments
56
Posted by
Daddy to an Angel
3 months ago

Note from admins: do not police other users

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8 comments
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Posted by7 hours ago

Dad who's a bit lost

Hi, so I am 30 years old and up until this point in my life haven't had too much major heart ache to deal with.

However on Saturday just passed myself and my partner went for what we thought was a routine gender reveal scan at 17 weeks only to be told about 10 seconds in there was no heartbeat, we went from picking balloons to reveal the gender to our family to organising a cremation in 2 long days. We have had to have this confirmed by NHS drs and go through the painful experience of inducing and delivering and spending some precious time withour little boy. For this I will never believe there is a single man stronger than a woman who has to go through this.

The pain and heart break I have seen on my partner as well as my own is something I would never wish on anyone and something I don't know how to cope with. To make things worse it is my oldests 3rd birthday tomorrow and we now need to put a brave face on for him while our hearts break internally.

I don't look for sympathy just wanted to put some feelings down among people who may have gone through similar pain.

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7 comments
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Posted by9 hours ago

Trigger Warning: Full Term Stillbirth

I have been struggling to post here for a while, but wanted to share my story because I have read many of the stories posted here and appreciate them being shared.

A little over two months ago I lost my daughter at 39+6, on the day I went into labor. My pregnancy was overall very good, and my baby was always healthy and growing right on track at every appointment. The day I went into labor I was still feeling movement and nothing gave me the sense that anything was wrong.

When we got to the hospital, the nurse couldn’t find a heartbeat. At one point three nurses were trying to find it. I knew something was wrong but at the same time my contractions were getting stronger and it was very disorienting. I felt so confused, thinking there couldn’t possibly be something wrong right now, at the moment I’m supposed to be meeting my baby. They finally brought out the ultrasound machine and confirmed that there was no longer a heartbeat, and at that time I was moved to the delivery room.

I always had an unmedicated birth in mind, but of course I never imagined this would happen. I took the epidural they offered and am so glad I did. In the time after they confirmed my baby was gone and before getting the epidural, I felt like I was being torn apart between the emotional anguish and shock and the physical pain of increasingly stronger contractions and couldn’t focus on anything. Giving birth was surreal. I think I shut out my emotions in order to be able to push because after she came out I just sobbed and could not stop shaking. We didn’t know the sex and found out we had a daughter when the nurse said “she’s beautiful and looks like daddy”.

We have no answers for what happened. There was no indication there were any problems. My husband and I are devastated, our world is crushed, and everyday we have to go on living without her is just painful. But we’re trying. I’ve been going to therapy, we’re trying support groups. I’ve been back to work for a few weeks. Some days are okay and others totally suck. I can’t say that it hurts any less, but I can say that things don’t feel so terribly dark all the time.

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Posted by2 hours ago

Helping a friend

I have a friend who I met at prenatal yoga. We hit it off around week 12 of being pregnant. I felt so lucky to have someone the same weekage to go on this journey with me. When we both found out we were having girls I imagined them growing up together and us doing things. Our husband even hit it off when we went to baby CPR together. She gave birth before I did. She was early. Her baby girl lived a couple of weeks before passing. I gave birth after my little girl is still here with me. We had to go back to the hospital after 3 days of her being home and stay for 10 more days in the hospital. She came home with oxygen and monitors. 3 months later she is much healthier! When I found out about my friends baby I mourned and cried for two days straight. It was scary and hard since I was still pregnant and I loved her soo much. I thought about her constantly when I was in the hospital the second time. I told her we would do something over the summer when things were calmer for both of us. I just don't know how to proceed and how to be there for her or see her. I feel so awful for her and that it is so unfair that we aren't meeting with both of our babies. I feel guilty my baby got better when both our babies were sick. We were traveling the same path for so long and then it went so wrong. What can I do to see her and be the best friend I can be?

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2 comments
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Posted by
Mama to an Angel
1 hour ago

Were there signs?

It’s hard to explain but did you feel like you knew something was wrong?

I found out I was pregnant in November 2018. A lot of what happened is still foggy but I go through it every so often.

My water broke March 2019 at 21 weeks and it went downhill from there.

I remember a few weeks before…(again, I forget actual dates of this happening), But i went to my doctor and told her I was feeling very anxious. I was never diagnosed with anxiety before but she gave me a low dose of Zoloft. I took it once and hated it. But I couldn’t figure out why I felt this way. I assumed pregnant hormones.

Then a few days(?) later I caught a strange stomach bug. I couldn’t keep anything down for like 24 hours. Not even pedialyte. I went to the doctor again and I felt like I was brushed off. I got an ultrasound on like a 1990 dated monitor and some meds I can’t remember.

The following few days my water broke. When it happened, my family was so angry at the doctor. But I was just in my own world. If I was mad at the doctor too, what good would that do? My baby was already in trouble.

Anyway. Thank you all for being a supporting source. I have been wanting to ask this on here for a few years and I’m finally asking. I had since had a rainbow baby and obviously took precautions/being heavily monitored. I was definitely nervous with just second but I didn’t feel the same way I did with my first.

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About Community

For all parents, siblings, friends, and family of "angels"... ...this group is **not** just for "late-term pregnancy loss"... **it is for those who have lost a child of any age, for any reason.** *It is for anyone dealing with a loss due to miscarriage, stillborn, SIDS, TFMR, any type of cancer, car accidents, medical malpractice, congenital diseases, suicide, homicide, bullying, depression, abuse, etc.* **ALL are welcome here.** We have been there, too. **You are not alone.**
Created Oct 16, 2013
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r/babyloss Rules

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Fits our purpose
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Keep it supportive
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Don't "police"
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