Discussions Between People Over 30 About Their Relationships

My fiance (M53) and I (F42) met in 2021 at the height of the Covid lockdown. His freelance tourism business had been completely wiped out, causing him to fall into massive debt (he got behind on council tax payments and they then hit him with large fines), his mother (who was abusive to him when he was a child) had been made homeless and was living in his apartment, and he had no money for food so was living off charity handouts. We met and immediately hit it off, spending the whole weekend together. I could tell he was incredibly depressed and unhappy being at home, so offered him to hang out in my apartment. He came over a week after we first met and simply never left.

I told him at the time that I was also struggling financially, and that I couldn't support him as well. He agreed and said he didn't want me to... but of course he had no income and I did, so pretty quickly I ended up paying for everything, rent, food, cigarettes, alcohol, the lot (I don't smoke and rarely drink). I found extra work around my day job so that I wouldn't fall into debt, given the extra outlay. I put up with it because I knew how depressed he was over the situation (which I completely understood), and I figured that when Covid passed he'd get back to work.

Fast forward two years and tourism has picked back up again, but he's still not pulling his weight financially. Rather than getting out and looking for work, he simply sits around all day waiting for the phone to ring. Often he passes jobs off to other people if he doesn't feel like he's the best fit for the job - which on the one hand shows integrity, but on the other we simply can't afford for him to be passing up work. The situation is slightly complicated by the fact that his bank accounts were frozen due to the debts and fines, but again, rather than getting out and actively trying to rectify the situation, he's just sitting around waiting for his lawyer to phone him - and his lawyer keeps pushing his case to the bottom of the pile as he won't be paid until the case is settled.

After two years of working my socks off to keep us afloat, I'm completely exhausted. I worked freelance as a writer, but last month hit a complete wall and just couldn't get up the energy to tout for work or do any writing. I told him that I was hitting a wall and that we didn't have any income that month, he did nothing. As we couldn't pay rent, I've now taken a minimum wage job at our local pub just to get some sort of income that doesn't involve writing. I've told him over and over that he has to start contributing. His reaction is to get upset and leave the house.

I really don't know what to do. Other than the money situation we have a wonderful relationship; we laugh a lot daily and miss each other very much when we're away from each other, so I don't want to throw the relationship away. But I can't keep working all hours of the day and night to keep us afloat while he spends all day sleeping on the couch, waiting for things to go his way.