What do you really want to do?

I feel like a complete failure, not just as a man, but as a human being. In fact, I don’t really feel like a traditionally masculine male anyway, I’m some freak who’s into femdom stuff, most women expect men to dominate them.

I’m also not very good looking apparently, so it’s even more important that I make more money to make up for that and give women more of a chance to want to be with me (good looking or not, who wants to be with someone who can’t afford rent and bills? No one wants to be at constant risk of ending up on the streets).

I’m not saying all women are gold diggers, (I do live in the US, the western world, I’ll leave it at that, and yes I’m a white American, so don’t assume I’m from elsewhere, people can complain about their own country too) but really, I don’t think anyone wants to deal with constant financial insecurity. It doesn’t just cause stress and arguments, but genuine risk of ending up homeless, or (if lucky) back to living with family dependent on them. Don’t get me wrong, that’s a blessing to have, but it doesn’t feel great to HAVE to have.

I don’t hate my family, and it’s not terrible hell living with my parents. I do pay a little (while making NOT EVEN $400 a week) but barely save any money anymore and constant credit card debt, often taking the entire next paycheck and therefore relying on the credit card that week again.

I don’t feel I should be asking my parents to let me pay less (usually $300-$400, more or less, depends on the bill which varies, I pay $100 rent and two utility bills) especially at my age.

I rely on health insurance (which sent 26 I have to get from my own age, US law allows you to stay on your parents health insurance until 26) to afford my multiple prescription medications that will have terrible withdrawal if I suddenly stopped, even slow gradual reducing the dose can be very dangerous and shocking to the nervous system and brain and body) so less hours could mean losing health insurance. GoodRX would discount meds, but not the doctors visits to refill them, nor the blood tests or other potential procedures, ER visit I probably just wouldn’t even pay……

I take Uber/Lyft a lot, live pretty close to the job, usually less than $10 a ride, sometimes less than $8. My parents also often give me a ride so I’m kind of cheating I guess.

Besides the fact that I couldn’t afford a car anyway, I stopped trying to drive because of rage and panic attacks (mostly from loud sudden noises, even after getting on MORE medication for worsening uncontrollable explosive rage, which fortunately did help a lot) and constant intrusive thoughts.

The intrusive thoughts sometimes get overwhelming and stick around for some weeks or months, sometimes they fade away, it’s strange. I also have OCD so that probably makes it worse.

I have a million different ideas, just wish I could instantly bring into existence. The closest thing to that now is AI generating, but it’s not perfect yet and it’s also oversaturated with so many people already using it. It cannot however generate say, fully animated videos or fully automate video editing, definitely can’t create video games.