Hey Everyone, After much thought and study it’s become impossible for me to maintain my intellectual faith in Adventism. Yet I’m not in a position where I can easily distance myself from it all. I’m currently in school to be an x ray technician, and must live at home with my parents until I graduate, work, and save up enough to move. Thankfully, as an X ray tech I can basically go anywhere. That was part of the appeal. I did stop hosting Great Controversy studies and studies on the official SDA church discipleship book for intellectual reasons, since I no longer believe Ellen White was inspired but was rather a manipulative plagiarist. Yet I am committed to work my church’s sound room every other week, and have even agreed to read the part of Andrew in our last supper skit this April. I don’t necessarily mind doing these things until I can leave but it is difficult to sit and listen to things I don’t agree with. Yet I don’t want to speak to these people who I respect and even like and tell them that I think it’s all nonsense. Why create that conflict and tension for the remainder of the time I have left? After all, maybe I don’t understand everything and maybe the Bible if not Ellen white is accurate? This troubles me deeply, especially as I begin the accept the un- changing nature of my own homosexuality. Perhaps the Bible is greatest work of literature ever but not divine? I don’t know. I have all the Adventist views hardwired into my brain. What makes this worse is I was baptized in December. I didn’t tell my pastor I was gay. I thought the Adventist position was true, but now I have reasonable doubt. Both my parents, both of whom I love and respect are Adventist. My dad doesn’t go to church and holds some unique views outside the church. My mom is very religious and very black and white on issues. Yet we are close and walk the dogs every day together. I haven’t told her of my evolving views on my new religion. Both my parents know I’m gay and love me but I don’t think either of them view it as ideal. I did actually tell my dad about this intellectual journey. It was a good chat even if it didn’t go anywhere; it allowed us to be more open and grow closer. Anyway, I just feel terrible about this because I love the Adventists in my life. I miss the peace that comes with certainty. It’s like that great song rainy days and Mondays “nothing is really wrong, feeling like I don’t belong.” Anyone have any tips or comments about how to work through this? It’s not easy to leave your faith of your childhood and that you just professed in publicly.