Carl Jung and Jungian Psychology, Theory, and Philosophy

Just a little heads up - recently I was going through "dark nights of the soul", my life crumbled and I developed a depression and anxiety. I am on bupropion now. I realized I have huge problems with negative anima and mother complex. I was abused by npd dad and parentified by my mom and him. I realized I was not the one who was in driving seat of my life. I started working to connect with my feelings (I realized I was not able even to name what I feel for most of my life!) and especially my instincts as advised in JTLB video.

Last year I had two dreams that I could only interpret as my anima calling me to action, to finally dive into "living". Crazy thing is that a woman I saw in those dreams, I met months later. Relationship with her borke me, but now I see it was needed to break my internal barriers and finally get "my room cleaned".

Day before I was wandering through the woods and started talking to my unconscious to allow me to feel more to basically dive into living human experience instead of living in conceptualized intellectual world. I felt really peaceful and hapopy. Next day my firends called me, we met and one of them offered some weed. I took only two 2 small puffs. Trip was quite strong (I guess this is due to bupropion), but when it started to fade out I had this amazing experience.

I started to listen to them talking and observed my reactions. I realized when I was being affected by negative relating function. I looked into my relationships and realized how unhealthy they were. I basically told myself "ohh so this is the negative anima I was unaware all this time". Next I felt this strong, warm, peaceful feeling to my left where old tree and bushes were. I looked there and I felt this overwhelming life force, it is hard to describe but I knew this is what I was missing my whole life. I suddenly realized how relating should be. I realized that "life" is a kind if a dance, relationships are kind of a dance. I do not need to analyze everything I just need to tap into that "life force" and go with the flow. I said to myself "my god, I missed you so much" and felt again this overwhelming warm feeling, like I was in love! In love with myself for the first time in my life! I do not need to seek it outside, it is in me! For the first time I felt it, felt it 100% of my being, completely.

It all happened when my friends were talking and I was just sitting and going through the experience. I am not sure why this has happened (it could be just strange weed trip), but I am so greatful it is hard to describe in words. I do not want to smoke again. I think I felt for the first time in my life what normal people feel normally. I lived in my head instead the real world most of my life. I had glimpses of that realization my whole life, but never felt it so hard like yesterday, and it never integrated with me before. Just wanted to share my experience for which I am eternally greatful.