Kind of a long read but don’t know where else to turn to with this.
My family situation is messy. I am the eldest son of 3, and one of my two siblings is my half sister, the other full. I along with my full sister, have never met our biological dad. The only father figure any of us has ever known is our step dad.
We come from a middle class background. When my mom divorced my bio dad when we were babies, she decided to keep us and worked part time jobs while our grandma took care of us. A few years pass she meets my step dad and he became the only father any of us ever knew. Even after marrying my step father though (as he also didnt come from an affluent background), we moved from place to place often and switched schools as my parents attempted (and did) work hard to provide for us. This was anything from working at restaurants, gas stations, convenience stores, to construction. All of which my mom also helped or worked with my dad.
Our step father was abusive. Physically, verbally, and s*xually. He physically hit all of us, including my mom, but me the most. He was verbally abusive to all of us and often went on rants by himself or cursed/yelled at us for no apparent reason because of a bad day at work or even a bad dream. He SA’d me (not seriously tbh but as we’re korean) he jokingly touched me to “see” how big I’ve grown. This stopped in middle school.
On the other hand he touched my middle sister and groped her all throughout childhood until their divorce when we were in high school. My sister informed my mom of this when it happend and my mom seemingly did nothing but attempted to talk to my dad which led to him just screaming and hitting my mom. He did technically stop but its more so because they were separated in the following months.
Throughout our childhood my relationship with my family was not great either. I constantly stood up and talked back to my father which obviously never helps or ends well. My middle sister constantly lied or exaggerated which led to me getting beat more often and more resentment towards her. She spread rumors about me at whichever school we were at at the time and I responded by hitting her. I’ve hit her likely 5 times in my life (I remember each time vividly as I was irate). I’m not proud of this and I’ve apologized to her in recent years. I stopped this behavior in high school but our resentment towards each other continued.
So I go off to university and graduate (as of one year ago). I moved out and lived alone for most of this time leaving my two sisters at home with my mom. During this time whenever I would catch up with my mom (not my sisters given our relationship) she would tell me about how stressed she is because of my middle sister. She would ask her for help with something tech related or around the house and my sister would respond rudely or start blaming my mom for her problems. It would also end in tears and a tangent onto some trauma because of my mom and my mom gives up as she feels guilty and sorry as well.
My sister blames my mom for marrying my step dad, for not divorcing him sooner, and seemingly doing nothing when she was SA’d. She also blames her for the quality of life that we have and the reason our life is “like this”. She claims she has commitment issues because of our dad which i personally think is a stretch. She, for a fact, resents my mom the most out of everyone in my family including myself and my step dad which I think is strange because my mom gave all of us the most love and was never abusive. She tried her best.
Even now at the age of 50 she works part time jobs trying to make ends meet while she goes through the motions of her divorce. Our father is admittedly a shitty person and has not contacted any of us.
Its important to note what type of person my sister is. Im not exaggerating as I’m simply here for other perspectives and genuine advice. But as stated before she constantly lies or exaggerates. She has been unable to hold a friendship for more than 3 years, ( not attributed to moving as Ive held many for 10+). She always ‘complains’ about whatever drama in her friend circle at the time. She keeps her ringer on the loudest volume in the house and says things like ‘why is xyz messaging me, omg so annoying”. She has stated to my mom that she wishes that she was born white. Her ‘friends’ now from uni that she brags about are supposedly rich. I think she resents my mom for not being as rich as she constantly compares and lowkey asks my mom a few times for money for extravagant trips or even just complains about our quality of life. This is just my speculation though. She has bragged to my friends when I was little about her body count (which is completely stupid given her age at the time); goes to show her mentality.
