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Jokes: Get Your Funny On!

r/Jokes

7.6k

pinned by moderators

Posted by3 years ago

3

MODPOST

Reposts...

7.6k

3 comments

1.6k

Posted by11 months ago

2

MODPOST

Let's discuss spam, spammers, and the spamming spammers who spam.

1.6k

233 comments

1.8k

Posted by7 hours ago

Marriage is really educational

When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.

1.8k

218 comments

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904

Posted by5 hours ago

Walks into a bar

A horse walks into a bar

A horse walks into a bar.

"Hey" says the bartender.

"How did you know my order?" replies the horse.

904

81 comments

510

Posted by4 hours ago

2

Long

A chap is fishing and hooks a salmon, he reels it in and is just going to kill it for his dinner when the salmon looks at him and says

"Hey mate, don't kill me, I'm only a baby, I haven't swum the 7 seas yet, give me a chance pal"

The man looks at the salmon "Hey, you can talk"? "Course I can, go on put me back, there's much bigger fish under the bridge". "All right", says the man, "I'll put you back, what's your name?” "Rusty" says the salmon, "And yours?" "My name's Dave"

He puts the fish back in the water & resolves to say nothing to anyone, for fear that he'll become a laughing stock.

10 years later he's fishing in the same spot & he hooks a monster. It takes him 2 hours to land it. He looks at it & pictures it on his dinner plate. Just then the salmon opens one eye & looks at him "Dave, is that you"?

"Rusty, I don't believe it, it must be 10 years since I let you go, what have you been doing"?

510

71 comments

7.9k

Posted by21 hours ago

Long

‘Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.’

The priest asks, 'Is that you, Joe?' 'Yes, Father’ ‘Who’s the gal you were with?' 'I won’t tell, I don't want to ruin her reputation.' ‘Was it Jane marlow?’ ‘I can’t say.' 'Was it Tami Jones?' 'I'll never tell.' 'Kim Dixon or Kate James?' 'My lips are sealed.

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy for a month.’

Joe walks back to his pew, and his friend Jordan whispers, 'What'd you get?' 'A month's vacation and four excellent Leads.'

7.9k

166 comments